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管管倫敦的騎車族吧！
不久前，有一篇報道說，自行車車座會對生殖器官造成損傷性影響，經常騎車的男性可能因此患上不育癥。這讓我太高興了。在我看來，任何阻止騎車人繁衍后代的事都是好事，應該加以歡迎。
Some while ago I read a newspaper story saying male cyclists who rode a lot risked impotence because of the damaging effect of the saddle on their reproductive organs. It quite made my day. In my opinion, anything that stops cyclists breeding is to be welcomed as an unmitigated good.
騎自行車的人真討厭。至少，我每天在倫敦見到的那些騎車人真讓人討厭。表面上，他們看起來像是和藹可親、值得尊敬、遵紀守法的中產階級人士。通常情況下，也許確實如此。但這幫人蹬起自行車的那一刻，就不是那么回事兒了。
I hate cyclists. At least, I hate the ones I see in London every day. Outwardly, they may appear to be nice, respectable, law-abiding, middle-class people, and perhaps they normally are. But the moment they straddle their bikes, something snaps.
讓騎車族變壞的不僅是自以為是，而是一種根深蒂固的不公平感。一方面，他們感到自鳴得意，高人一等。另一方面，他們容易出車禍，這一點很傷自尊。如此不公平讓騎車族怒火滿腔，把他們變成了十足的瘋子。他們被一種復仇的欲望攫住，要報復這個殘酷、如此錯待他們的社會。
It is not just the self-righteousness that gets to them. It is a deep-seated sense of injustice. On the one hand, they feel smug and superior, yet on the other, they are constantly humiliated by the knowledge of their acute vulnerability. The unfairness of it all fills them with such outrage that they turn into complete nutters, gripped by a desire for vengeance on a world that has wronged them so cruelly.
騎車族對法律的蔑視令人吃驚。他們一向無視紅燈，讓本應該安全無虞的過街行人險象環生。這幫人沿著單行線逆行，每天早晨竟在我們當地小學門外跟家長和孩子玩“閃人”游戲。只要他們覺得方便，這幫人就會騎過人行交叉路口，騎上人行道。他們當中比較好斗的，還會朝擋路人破口大喊大叫。至于那些一時誤入自行車道的汽車司機或行人，但愿老天保佑所有的人吧。
