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You might also be tempted to make statements about the past or the future when your friend's present life holds so much pain.
在你的朋友當下的生活很痛苦時，你可能會忍不住談論過去或未來。
But you can't know what the future will be—it may or may not be better "later." Omniscient platitudes aren't helpful.
但是你不知道未來會是什么樣子-它可能會變得更好，也可能不會。全知式的陳詞濫調沒什么幫助。
Stick with the truth: This hurts. I love you. I'm here.
堅持真相：這很傷人。我愛你。我在這里陪你。
Keep in mind that being with someone who is in pain isn't easy.
記住，和一個痛苦的人待在一塊并不容易。
Your friend cannot show up for their part of the relationship very well, and you will likely get hurt.
你的朋友不能很好地付出，你可能會受到傷害。
Don't take it personally, and please don't take it out on them.
不要往心里去，也不要把氣出在他們身上。
In fact, one of the best things you can do for a grieving friend is anticipate their needs.
事實上，你能為處于悲傷的朋友做的最好的事情之一就是預見他們的需求。
Don't say, "Call me if there's anything I can do," because your friend will not call.
不要說，“如果有需要的話就和我打電話。”因為你的朋友這樣不會打電話。
Identifying a need, figuring out who might fill that need, and then making a phone call to ask is light-years beyond your grieving friend's energy level, capacity, or interest.
確定一個需求，想出誰可以填補這個需求，然后給朋友打電話，這遠遠超出了你悲傷的朋友的能量水平、能力或興趣。
Instead, make concrete offers: "I will stop by each morning on my way to work and take the dog for a quick walk." Then show up and do it.
相反，你應該提出一些具體的建議：“我每天早上上班的路上都會順便帶狗狗出去散個步。”然后就去做吧。
Of course, the real work of grieving is not something you can do for your friend, but you can lessen the burden of everyday life.
當然，你不能代替你的朋友悲傷，但是你可以減輕其日常生活的負擔。
Assist in small, ordinary ways, such as refilling prescriptions, taking in the mail, or shoveling snow. These tasks are tangible evidence of love.
在小的，普通的方面提供幫助，比如幫忙買藥，幫收郵件，或者鏟雪。這些行動是愛的有形證據。
You can also shield your friend by setting yourself up as the designated point person—the one who relays information to the outside world or organizes well-wishers.
你也可以把自己設定為指定的聯絡人——向外界傳遞信息或組織祝福的人——來保護你的朋友。
If your friendship is close enough, you could even offer to tackle projects together.
如果你們的友誼足夠親密，你們甚至可以提出一起處理項目。
There will likely be plenty of difficult tasks that need tending to—things like choosing a casket, mortuary visits, sorting through and packing up a lifetime of belongings.
可能會有很多困難的任務需要處理——比如幫助挑選骨灰盒，尋找太平間，整理和收拾逝者的東西。
Then be sure to follow through on your offers to help. Above all, show your love. Say something. Do something.
然后一定要堅持你提供的幫助。最重要的是，表達你的愛。說點什么。做點什么。
Be willing to stand beside the gaping hole that has opened in your friend's life without flinching or turning away.
要心甘情愿地站在朋友生命中打開的空洞旁邊，不要退縮，也不要轉身離開。
Listen. Be there. Be love. Love is the only thing that lasts.
傾聽。陪伴。友愛。愛是唯一持續的東西。
