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Our culture sees grief as a malady: a terrifying, messy emotion that needs to be cleaned up and put behind us as soon as possible.
我們的文化將悲傷視作一種疾病：它是一種需要被清理的可怕的、不堪的情感，一種需要盡快擺脫的情感。
As a result, we have outdated beliefs about how long grief should last and what it should look like.
結果就是，對于悲傷應該持續多久，它應該是什么樣子，我們的理念已經過時了。
We see grief as something to overcome, something to fix, rather than something to tend or support.
我們將悲傷視作一件需要去克服需要去解決的東西，而不是需要被照料或者支持的東西。
Even our clinicians are trained to see grief as a disorder rather than a natural response to deep loss.
甚至我們的臨床醫生所受的訓練是，將悲傷視作一種紊亂，而不是遭受重大失去后的自然反應。
When the professionals don't know how to handle grief, the rest of us can hardly be expected to respond with skill and grace.
如果專業人員都不知道如何去應對悲傷，那我們也很難有技巧地體面地應對悲傷。
There is another way. If we want to care for one another better, we have to rehumanize grief.
還有一種別的方式。如果我們想更好地彼此照料的話，我們得使悲傷更加人性化。
We have to talk about it. We have to understand it as a natural, normal process rather than something to be shunned, rushed, or maligned.
我們得談論它。我們得把悲傷視作一個自然的正常的過程，而不是要避免的、緊急的、有害的過程。
We have to start talking about the skills needed to face the reality of living a life changed entirely by loss.
我們要談論一些技巧，用以應對完全被失去改變的生活的現實。
I've been the person howling on the floor, unable to eat or sleep or leave the house for more than a few minutes at a time.
我是那個在地板上嚎啕大哭的人，無法進食或者入睡，每次離開家不能超過幾分鐘。
I've been on the other side of the clinician's couch, on the receiving end of outdated and wholly irrelevant talk of stages and the power of positive thinking.
我坐在臨床醫生的另一邊，接受著過時的、與處境完全不相干的階段論和積極思考的力量。
I learned firsthand why trying to talk someone out of their grief is both hurtful and entirely different from helping them live with their grief.
我親身經歷了為什么試著讓人擺脫悲傷既會傷害人，又與幫助人帶著悲傷生活完全不同。
Many people truly want to help a friend or family member who is experiencing a severe loss.
很多人真心想幫助正在經歷重大失去的朋友或家人。
Words often fail us at times like these, leaving us stammering for the right thing to say.
在這種時候，我們經常說不出話來，它讓我們變得結巴，說不出合適的話。
Some people are so afraid to say or do the wrong thing that they choose to do nothing at all.
有些人太擔心說錯或做錯事，他們就什么事也不做。
That's certainly an option, but it's not often a good one.
那肯定是一個選擇，但是通常不是一個很好的選擇。
There's no one perfect way to respond or to support someone you care about, but there are some good ground rules.
回應或者支持你在乎的人，你無法做到完美，但是有一些很好的基本原則。
First, remember that you play a supporting role, not a central role, in your friend's grief.
首先，記得在你朋友的悲傷中，你扮演的是一個支持的角色，而不是一個中心角色。
You may believe you would do things differently if this loss had happened to you.
你或許認為，如果遭遇失去的人是你的話，你不會是這個樣子。
I hope you don't get the chance to find out. This grief belongs to your friend. Follow their lead.
我希望你沒有機會去驗證。這份悲傷屬于你的朋友。以他們為主角。
