1.The only thing I ever got off my old man was a birthday card when I was ten. He'd gone off when I was three and left me and mam and my sister to fend for ourselves. Mam never talks about him but my sister remembers him. 'What was dad like?' I ask. She looks at me through dark, sleepy eyes, pushes her hair back from her eyes. 'Whu?' 'I said, what was dad like?' She smiles at me, and I suss that I should ask her later when she's straight. Anyhow, the only thing I ever got from him was a birthday card when I was ten. It said Happy Birthday Mickey! And then there was a verse inside the card that went:
我從我老爸那得到的唯一一件東西是我十歲時的一張生日賀卡。他在我三歲時就離家出走了，留下媽媽、姐姐和我三個人相依為命。媽媽從不談論他，但姐姐還對他有印象。“爸爸是個什么樣的人？”我問。她用她那雙憂郁的、睡眼惺忪的眼睛看著我，然后把擋在眼前的頭發梳向后面。“誰？” “我是說，爸爸是個什么樣的人？”她對我笑了笑，我意識到我應該等到她頭腦清醒時再問她這個問題。總之，我從他那得到的唯一一件東西就是我十歲時的一張生日賀卡。賀卡上寫著：米基，生日快樂！賀卡里面還附著一首小詩：
Now you're ten, and how you've grown
今天你十歲了，已是個大孩子了
It really won't be long
真的用不了太久
'Til you're a man, and fully grown
你就會長成一個成熟的男子漢
With arms both big and strong.
臂膀會更加寬大，更加強壯。
2. And on the front of the card was a picture, a cartoon, of a little boy driving a tractor. But I mean, how would he know I'd grown? To be honest, I was surprised he knew where I was, we moved so often. But the killer was, at the bottom of the card, below the rhyme, he'd added:
賀卡的正面是一張圖片——卡通圖片，上面畫著一個小男孩正駕駛著一輛拖拉機。但我想說的是，他怎么會知道我長大了？說實話，我很驚訝他居然知道我住在哪里，因為我們經常搬家。但，最厲害的是，他還在賀卡底部，那首小詩下面加上了這么一句話：
Remember, no one's got your back
記住，沒人會為你撐腰。
XX. Dad. 愛你的爸爸
3. I'd studied this card on more than one occasion, trying to work out some depth to what he was telling me. 'Laura, what was dad like?' Three hours later and she was up. The dutiful daughter. She looked up a little, thought about my question for a second or two. Then she said, 'I love him. Still.' 'Well I hate him. What was he like, though?' And she said, 'Stern.' 'Stern, huh?' 'I don't mean strict; more like serious. Like you, a bit, but smarter, taller and better looking.' Then she laughed, 'Dry the dishes,' she said.
我研究過這張賀卡不止一次，試圖徹底弄清楚他想告訴我什么。“勞拉，爸爸是個什么樣的人？”三小時后，她起來了，恢復了那個懂事的女兒的形象。她稍稍抬起頭來，用一兩秒鐘時間思考了一下這個問題。然后，她說：“我很愛他，現在依舊很愛他。”“但，我恨他。不過，他是個什么樣的人呢？”她回答說：“有些嚴厲。”“嚴厲，是吧？”“我的意思不是嚴格，更確切地說是‘嚴肅’。跟你有點兒像，但比你更聰明、更高大、更帥。”此時，她大笑了起來，然后對我說：“快把盤子擦干吧。”
4.It's funny, I learn a lot from my sister, mainly don't do drugs, which I should have written in capital letters instead of italics, but never mind, the thing is, when she's not high, she's the core of our family, the strength, believe it or not. Then there's me, fifteen, bright, got a future, they tell me, though I haven't and I'll tell you about that later, and then there's my mam, honest, and working, and sensible (though not in her choice of boyfriends or anything). And then there's Laura. Nineteen, and a junkie, but she holds the family together.
很有趣的是，我從姐姐身上學到了很多東西——主要是不要吸毒。這件事我應該更加大書特書才對，但沒關系，關鍵是，她不吸毒時，她就是我們家的主心骨，這是實力使然，信不信由你。然后說說我自己——我今年十五歲，聰明，未來可期，這是他們告訴我的，盡管我之前沒提到，但我稍后會好好說說這件事。再說說我媽媽——她為人誠實，從事普通的工作，有些敏感（盡管她不會主動選擇男朋友或任何其他東西）。最后再說說勞拉——她今年十九歲，是個癮君子，但她把全家人團結在了一起。
5. So maybe I should stop describing my life, start showing what happens instead, but I'll get to that bit in a bit, so to speak. Ok, so mam. My mother. She is thirty seven years old and she is a flake. A total dribble. They should do a reality TV show on my mam – "How Not To …""How Not To bring up your children." "How Not To save for the future." "How Not To get a good job." "How Not To attract a nice boyfriend."
所以，也許我應該閉口不談我的生活狀況，只說說具體發生的事情，但我會一點兒一點兒切入主題的。好吧，就是這個意思。那我就先從媽媽說起。她今年三十七歲，是個古怪的人，一個十足的廢物。電視臺應該邀請我媽媽去參加真人秀節目，節目的名字就叫“如何做到不……” “如何做到不撫養你的孩子們的”、“如何做到不為未來儲蓄的”、“如何做到找不到一份好工作的”、“如何做到吸引不到一個好男友的”。

6.She did once. Attract a nice boyfriend, that is. And I've read all the women's magazines she buys and I knew from the start it wasn't going to last. From the moment she said to me, 'He's kind, thoughtful, good looking. He's got a good job, Pete, and a lovely car' (a bloody good car, since you ask. You didn't? But you would have. Which also means money. Cool. German. Cool. And much more).
不過，她也做到過一次——吸引到了一個好男友，但僅此而已。我讀過她購買的所有女性雜志，而且從一開始我就知道他們的關系不會持久——從她對我說了以下這些話的那一刻起：“他善良、體貼、好看。他名字叫皮特，有一份好工作，還有一輛很好的汽車”（一輛相當不錯的小嬌車，因為你問我了。什么，你沒問？但你應該問的。這還意味著他很有錢——酷斃了；是個德國人——酷斃了；還有很多很多優點）。
7.But anyway, as she's telling me all this I'm thinking, Yeah, but mam, you're going to jack Pete in and tell me 'there was no spark' which translates as, you think that love equals pain, and affection means distress and you think that being nice is the equivalent of being invisible. Which it kind of is. So just be honest. Please. So, as predicted, Pete went the journey. And in moved Marc. Fifteen years younger than mam. What a tosspot. What a racket.
但無論如何，當她告訴我所有這一切時，我想的卻是：都挺好的，但是媽媽，你會放棄皮特，然后告訴我“你們沒有產生火花”——這句話可以翻譯為：你認為愛等于痛苦，而感情就意味著悲痛，同時你還認為善待他人相當于失去自我。你們的關系究竟是哪種情況？所以請誠實一點兒。拜托了。于是，正如我所料，后來皮特離開了。馬克搬了進來。他是個比媽媽年輕15歲的家伙，一個過著花天酒地生活的醉漢。
8.It was embarrassing. It was the crime that no parent should inflict upon their children! I was twelve, which made Laura sixteen; she'd just failed her exams and was working. Very content. Regular money, dreaming about her own flat. Boyfriend. And when Marc made a play for Laura one afternoon, she screamed the place down and mam came dashing downstairs and slapped Laura to shut her up and then slapped her again when she heard what she was accusing Marc of doing.
這很令人尷尬。父母不應該把這樣的罪行強加到他們的孩子身上！當時我十二歲，勞拉十六歲，而且她剛剛在考試中失敗，并且剛剛開始工作。她對此非常滿意。有了固定的收入，她開始夢想著擁有自己的公寓，還有男朋友。一天下午，當馬克調戲勞拉時，她大聲地尖叫了起來，媽媽沖到樓下，扇了勞拉一巴掌，讓她住口，然后當她聽到勞拉指控馬克的行徑時，又扇了她一巴掌。
9.I'm not tough, really, I'm not. And I'm not pretending to be not tough so you'll think that really I secretly am tough either. I'm just not. So when mam took his side against Laura I just went and sat on the front step and listened to them row. I sat on the step of our front door watching the seagulls wheel and fly and sail on the wind. I wished I could do that. I'm digressing here, but I can't remember what else happened, except I know how it ended. The next morning I waited until Marc went out and then I used mam's phone to call the police and grass Marc for the twenty grams of cocaine he had stashed under the stairs.
我不是個強硬的人，真的，我不是。而且，我也不會假裝不強硬，所以你會認為我背地里真的也是很強硬的。但我不是那樣的人。所以，當媽媽站在勞拉的對立面時，我只是走開，坐在門前的臺階上，然后聽著他們爭吵。我坐在我家前門的臺階上，看著海鷗在風中盤旋、飛翔、展翅飛向遠方。我希望我也能像它們那樣自由地在空中飛來飛去。說這些有點兒跑題了，但我不記得除此之外還發生了什么，只記得那件事是如何結束的。第二天早上，我一直等到馬克出門后，才用媽媽的電話報了警，把馬克在樓梯下藏了20克可卡因的秘密告訴給了警察。
10.Bingo. Job done. Like I say, I'm not tough. But I don't need to be when there's five policemen and a German Shepherd dog breaking down the door and dragging Marc screaming down the path and into a van.
成功了。任務完成了。就像我說的，我并不強硬。但是，當有五名警察和一條德國牧羊犬破門而入，然后拖著馬克在門前的小路上尖叫著進入一輛警車時，我并不需要強硬。
11.Anyhow, this card I got from my dad. It said, remember, no one's got your back, like this was some piece of information I'd known but had forgotten, or like I already had asked someone to get my back and then discovered they hadn't got it, or something. I mean, come on dad, I don't know who you are, or where you are or what you do or anything, but come on, be a dad for a minute. For as long as it takes not to write that sentence. I was ten years old for Chrissake.
無論如何，這張賀卡是我從爸爸那里得到的。它上面寫著：記住，沒人會為你撐腰。這就像是一條我早已知曉卻已經忘記的信息，或者就像我已經要求某人為我撐腰，后來卻發現這個人根本做不到，等等等等，諸如此類。我想說的是：拜托您了老爸，我不知道您是誰，不知道您在哪里，不知道您是做什么的，我對您可以說是一無所知。但拜托您了，能不能盡哪怕一分鐘做父親的職責。只要不在賀卡上寫那句話就行。看在基督的份上，當時我已經十歲了。
12.Write I miss you or We'll meet up when you're older or Stick in at school. In fact, here's an idea. Don't send me a card. Go on. Unsend it. But the funny thing is, daft card with a stupid picture and a deranged verse it might have been. But he was right. No one's got your back.
您可以寫：我想念你；或者，當你再大些時，我們會見面；或者，堅持學業。事實上，我的想法是：干脆別寄給我賀卡。就這樣。別寄賀卡給我。但有趣的是，我卻收到了上面帶著愚蠢的圖片和一首瘋狂的小詩的愚蠢的生日賀卡。但他是對的——沒有人會為你撐腰。