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When I was 19, I was in a really bad car accident.
在我19歲的時候，發生了一場很嚴重的車禍。
I was thrown out of a car, rolled several times. I was thrown from the car.
我整個人飛出車外，滾了好幾圈。我是被扔出車外的。
And I woke up in a head injury rehab ward, and I had been withdrawn from college,
之后我在休息室醒來以后，頭部重傷，于是我從大學里休學，
and I learned that my IQ had dropped by two standard deviations, which was very traumatic.
我獲悉我的智商下降了2個標準差，情況非常非常糟糕。
I knew my IQ because I had identified with being smart, and I had been called gifted as a child.
我知道我的智商應該是多少，因為我以前被人家認為是很聰明的那種，小時候大家都覺得我很有才華。
So I'm taken out of college, I keep trying to go back.
當我離開大學時，我嘗試著回去。
They say, "You're not going to finish college.
他們說，“你沒有辦法畢業的。
Just, you know, there are other things for you to do, but that's not going to work out for you."
你知道，你還可以做很多其它的事，別往死胡同里鉆了。”
So I really struggled with this, and I have to say, having your identity taken from you, your core identity,
我死命掙扎，我必須承認，當你的認同感被剝奪的時候，那個主要的身分認同
and for me it was being smart, having that taken from you, there's nothing that leaves you feeling more powerless than that.
就我而言是我的智力被奪走了，再沒有比這更加無助的時候了。
So I felt entirely powerless. I worked and worked, and I got lucky, and worked, and got lucky, and worked.
我感到完全的無助。我瘋狂地努力，幸運眷顧，努力，幸運眷顧，再努力。
Eventually I graduated from college.
最終我從學校畢業了。
It took me four years longer than my peers, and I convinced someone, my angel advisor, Susan Fiske, to take me on,
我比同齡人多花了四年的時間，然后說服我的恩師Susan Fiske，讓她帶上我，
and so I ended up at Princeton, and I was like, I am not supposed to be here. I am an impostor.
所以我最后進入了普林斯頓，我當時覺得，我不應該在這里。我是個騙子。
And the night before my first-year talk, and the first-year talk at Princeton is a 20-minute talk to 20 people. That's it.
在我第一年演講的那個晚上，普林斯頓第一年的演講大約是對20個人做20分鐘的演講。就這樣。
I was so afraid of being found out the next day that I called her and said, "I'm quitting."
我當時如此害怕隔天被拆穿，所以我打給她說，“我不干了。”
She was like, "You are not quitting, because I took a gamble on you, and you're staying.
她說：“你不可以不干，因為我賭在你身上了，你得留下。
You're going to stay, and this is what you're going to do. You are going to fake it.
你會留下來，你要騙過所有人。
You're going to do every talk that you ever get asked to do.
你被要求的每個演講你都得照辦。
You're just going to do it and do it and do it, even if you're terrified and just paralyzed and having an out-of-body experience,
你得一直講一直講，即使你怕死了，腳癱了，靈魂出竅了，
until you have this moment where you say, 'Oh my gosh, I'm doing it. Like, I have become this. I am actually doing this.'"
直到你發現你在說：“噢，我的天啊，我正在做這件事，我已經成為它的一部分了，我正在做它。”
So that's what I did. Five years in grad school, a few years, you know, I'm at Northwestern, I moved to Harvard,
這就是我所做的。碩士的五年，我在西北大學，我后來去了哈佛。
I'm at Harvard, I'm not really thinking about it anymore, but for a long time I had been thinking, "Not supposed to be here."
我在哈佛，我沒有在想到，但之前有很長一段時間我都在想這件事，“不應該在這。”
