評(píng)論
打印
你參加一個(gè)正式晚宴。
You talk to the person on one side during the starter, the other during the main course.
你在吃前菜期間與坐在你一邊的人聊天，在吃主菜的時(shí)候與坐在你另一邊的人聊天。
Sometimes the conversation skips along, more often it drags and falters.
有時(shí)談話相當(dāng)投機(jī)，更多時(shí)候則是拖泥帶水，話說(shuō)不到一起去。
You enjoy or endure the evening, and then you go home.
你享受（或者忍受）了一個(gè)晚上，然后你回家了。
That is, unless you are Robert Hiscox.
一般是這樣的——除非你是羅伯特▪希斯考克斯(Robert Hiscox)。
The founder of the eponymous insurance company told me some years ago that at the end of a dinner party he turned to the people on either side and offered feedback on how he had found their conversation.
用自己的姓氏創(chuàng)辦保險(xiǎn)公司的他在幾年前告訴我，在晚宴結(jié)束的時(shí)候，他會(huì)轉(zhuǎn)向坐在他某一邊的人，針對(duì)他對(duì)與他們聊天的感覺(jué)給予反饋。
He would say: I enjoyed hearing your views on the EU, but you might have asked me about mine.
他會(huì)說(shuō)：我樂(lè)于聽(tīng)到您對(duì)歐盟（EU）的看法，但您或許也該問(wèn)問(wèn)我對(duì)歐盟有什么看法。
Or: It was interesting to learn about how well your child did in his A-levels, but you seemed reluctant to discuss other topics.
或者：了解您的孩子在高中水平考試(A-Levels)中成績(jī)優(yōu)異很有意思，但您似乎不太情愿談?wù)撈渌掝}。
At the time I was shocked.
當(dāng)時(shí)我就震驚了。
他怎能如此粗魯？希斯考克斯向我保證，在正式晚宴上交談是一種技能；任何事情，如果沒(méi)人指點(diǎn)你你在哪里出了錯(cuò)，你很難加以改進(jìn)。
I protested that there was far too much feedback in the world anyway.
我抗議道，無(wú)論如何這個(gè)世界已經(jīng)有太多反饋意見(jiàn)。
Sometimes it was nice to be left alone to muddle through.
在不受打擾的情況下應(yīng)付過(guò)去有時(shí)也不錯(cuò)。
Two things have made me change my mind.
兩件事改變了我的看法。
The first is in the years since then I have been to too many dinners and sat next to too many people who were not trying hard enough.
第一件事是，在那之后的多年間，我參加了太多晚宴，坐在太多不夠盡力的人旁邊。
The second is the realisation that although there is too much useless general feedback (no, I don't want to rate my experience in security at Heathrow Terminal 5) there is almost no specific feedback that helps us improve.
第二件事是，我意識(shí)到，雖然有太多無(wú)用的籠統(tǒng)反饋（不，我不想評(píng)價(jià)我在希斯羅機(jī)場(chǎng)5號(hào)航站樓的安檢體驗(yàn)），但幾乎沒(méi)有能夠幫助我們改進(jìn)的具體反饋。
Not long ago I got an email from a man who had been in the audience of a speech I had just given.
不久前，我收到了一封郵件，我在那之前剛剛發(fā)表了一次演講，郵件是一名觀眾發(fā)給我的。
You really need to sort that hair/reading glasses challenge, he wrote.
他寫(xiě)道：你真的需要搞定頭發(fā)/老花鏡的挑戰(zhàn)，
Every time you put your reading glasses on, your hair falls over your left eye and you then keep having to flick it out of the way—it looks most amusing, but must be awkward!! As a regular presenter, I always like to get feedback.
他寫(xiě)道，每次當(dāng)你戴上老花鏡，你的頭發(fā)就會(huì)遮住你的左眼，然后你就會(huì)不停地把頭發(fā)撩開(kāi)——這看起來(lái)極其好笑，但肯定很尷尬!!作為一個(gè)定期發(fā)表演講的人，我總是喜歡得到反饋。
Hope you don't mind me pointing it out!
希望你不介意我把這一點(diǎn)指出來(lái)！
I did mind his pointing it out.
我的確介意。
Unlike him, I never like to get feedback, unless it is entirely positive.
和他不一樣，我從不喜歡得到反饋，除非這些反饋是完全正面的。
And in any case, how dare he? I never asked for his views.
再說(shuō)無(wú)論如何，他怎么敢這樣？我從未請(qǐng)求他給出意見(jiàn)。
And if he thought a few exclamation marks would make his message more agreeable, he was making a grave error.
如果他覺(jué)得幾個(gè)感嘆號(hào)會(huì)讓他的郵件更容易被接受，那么他就犯了一個(gè)嚴(yán)重的錯(cuò)誤。
Yet his words struck home.
然而他的話對(duì)我觸動(dòng)很大。
It was not nice to think the audience's merriment had been mainly on account of my hair.
想到我的頭發(fā)讓觀眾不舒服，這使我郁悶。
So for the next few speeches I printed out any notes in 24 point so I could read them without glasses, and have now cut my hair so short there is no further danger of flicking.
所以接下來(lái)的幾次演講，我都用24號(hào)字體尺寸把要點(diǎn)打印出來(lái)，這樣我不需要眼鏡也能閱讀，我現(xiàn)在還把我的頭發(fā)剪得很短，徹底消除需要撩開(kāi)的危險(xiǎn)。
On reflection, this man's feedback was close to perfection.
細(xì)想之下，這個(gè)人給我的反饋接近完美。
It was direct but not rude.
直接，但不粗魯。
It was clear about what was wrong—which was something fixable.
明確地指出哪里不對(duì)勁——而這個(gè)問(wèn)題是可以搞定的。
It came from a disinterested source and was delivered by email—so saved my blushes.
這個(gè)反饋來(lái)自非利益相關(guān)方，并且是用郵件發(fā)過(guò)來(lái)的——免去了我在人前面紅耳赤。
Last week, another piece of unsolicited feedback landed in my inbox.
上周，另一份不請(qǐng)自來(lái)的反饋發(fā)到了我的收件箱。
This time it was from someone who was thanking me for talking at a conference he had organised.
這次郵件來(lái)自一個(gè)想要感謝我在他組織的會(huì)議上發(fā)言的人。
After a gracious start, the email finished like this: I always try to end with a tip for improvement.
在禮貌的開(kāi)頭后，這封郵件是這樣結(jié)尾的：我總是試著用一個(gè)改進(jìn)的小建議結(jié)尾。
It was a little complicated to get in touch, confirm your travel plans, and do the arrangements.
與你聯(lián)絡(luò)上、確定你的旅行計(jì)劃，做好安排有點(diǎn)復(fù)雜。
Can I suggest you get an assistant?
我能建議你找個(gè)助理嗎？
This was also good in that it was clear—only rather harder to fix than the hair as assistants do not come cheap.
這個(gè)反饋也不錯(cuò)，因?yàn)楹苊魑徊贿^(guò)要比頭發(fā)問(wèn)題更難改正，因?yàn)楣蛡€(gè)助理可不便宜。
Still, it told me that my habit of ignoring admin emails is not on.
不過(guò)，這告訴我，我無(wú)視事務(wù)性郵件的習(xí)慣不太好。
I have heeded the point and will try to sharpen up.
我留意到了這一點(diǎn)，并且將努力改進(jìn)。
The test of unsolicited feedback is not whether it is rude or unwelcome, but whether it serves the greater good.
檢驗(yàn)不請(qǐng)自來(lái)的反饋的標(biāo)準(zhǔn)，不是這個(gè)反饋是否粗魯或者不受歡迎，而是它是否服務(wù)于更大的善。
I no longer flick my hair, and am committed to replying more promptly: the world is a happier place.
我不再撩我的頭發(fā)，也努力做到更迅速地回復(fù)郵件：這個(gè)世界更美好了。
Soon after my lunch with Mr Hiscox I was sat at a dinner next to a well-known snooty broadcaster.
在我與希斯考克斯共進(jìn)午餐之后不久，我在一次晚宴上坐在一位著名的目中無(wú)人的主持人旁邊。
Throughout the meal I tried hard to be agreeable; he sat there taciturn, looking catatonic and mildly incredulous as I plied him with question and anecdote.
在用餐期間，我努力做到友好可親；他卻坐在那里一言不發(fā)，在我向他拋出一大堆問(wèn)題和軼事的時(shí)候看起來(lái)緊張和略微有些狐疑。
At the end of the evening I longed to offer him a report card, but bottled.
晚宴結(jié)束時(shí)，我很想給他一張成績(jī)單，但終于沒(méi)能鼓起勇氣。
I have regretted it ever since: I bet if I had explained his poor performance he would have been first shocked, then mortified.
此后我一直為此后悔：我敢打賭，如果我向他解釋他表現(xiàn)糟糕，他首先會(huì)震驚，然后感到難堪。
I dare say he would have liked me (even) less, but might have tried harder in future.
我敢說(shuō)，他之后會(huì)（更）不喜歡我了，但可能會(huì)在未來(lái)更加努力。
Next time, I'm going for it.
下次我一定要試一試。
