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For a long time in my life, I felt like I'd been living two different lives.
在我生命中非常長的一段時間內，我感覺我在過著兩種不同的人生。
There's the life that everyone sees, and then there's the life that only I see.
一個是每個人都看見的人生，另一個是只有我能看見的人生。
And in the life that everyone sees,
在每個人都能看見的人生里，
who I am is a friend, a son, a brother, a stand-up comedian and a teenager.
我的角色是一個朋友、兒子、兄弟、喜劇演員和一名青少年。
That's the life everyone sees.
這是每個人都看到的人生。
If you were to ask my friends and family to describe me, that's what they would tell you.
如果你要問我的朋友和家人來形容我，這是他們會告訴你的。
And that's a huge part of me. That is who I am.
這是很大一部分的我，這是我在這社會上的角色
And if you were to ask me to describe myself,
如果你要我自己來形容我，
I'd probably say some of those same things.
我可能會說一些與上相同的東西。
And I wouldn't be lying, but I wouldn't totally be telling you the truth, either,
我不會說謊，但也不會完全會告訴你真相，
because the truth is, that's just the life everyone else sees.
因為事實是，這就是其他人看到的人生。
In the life that only I see, who I am,
另外一個人生只有我自己能看到，我是誰
who I really am, is someone who struggles intensely with depression.
我其實是一個與抑郁癥激烈斗爭的人。
I have for the last six years of my life, and I continue to every day.
在生命中的近六年來，我與抑郁癥斗爭也會在接下來的每一天內繼續斗爭。
Now, for someone who has never experienced depression or doesn't really know what that means,
對于從未經歷過抑郁的人，或不太知道這是什么意思的人，
that might surprise them to hear,
他們聽到這些也許會感到詫異，
because there's this pretty popular misconception
因為在社會上有普遍的誤解認為說
that depression is just being sad when something in your life goes wrong,
抑郁癥只是在當你生命中出了什么差錯的時候會難過，
when you break up with your girlfriend, when you lose a loved one,
當你和你的女朋友分手，當你失去心愛的人，
when you don't get the job you wanted.
當你找不到理想的工作的時候。
But that's sadness. That's a natural thing.
但這只是悲傷。這是一件很自然的事情。
That's a natural human emotion.
這是自然的人類情感。
Real depression isn't being sad when something in your life goes wrong.
真正的抑郁不是當你生命中出了差錯的時候悲傷。
Real depression is being sad when everything in your life is going right.
真正的抑郁是當你生活中的一切都好的時候悲傷。
That's real depression, and that's what I suffer from.
那才是真正的抑郁，而那才是我所遭受的。
And to be totally honest, that's hard for me to stand up here and say.
坦誠說，出現在這里并且把它公之于眾是一件很難的事。
It's hard for me to talk about, and it seems to be hard for everyone to talk about,
我很難去把它訴說，這似乎也很難讓每個人去談這一點，
so much so that no one's talking about it.
以至于沒有人去談它。
And no one's talking about depression, but we need to be, because right now it's a massive problem.
沒有人會去談抑郁，但我們需要去談論它，因為現在它一個很大的問題。
It's a massive problem.
這是一個巨大的問題。
But we don't see it on social media, right?
但我們并沒有看到它出現在媒體上，對嗎？
We don't see it on Facebook. We don't see it on Twitter.
我們沒有在Facebook上看到它，我們也沒有在Twitter上看到它。
We don't see it on the news, because it's not happy, it's not fun, it's not light.
我們也沒有在新聞上看到它，因為它不是快樂的，是不有趣的，也不是光明的。
And so because we don't see it, we don't see the severity of it.
于是，正因為我們看不到它，所以我們沒有意識到它的嚴重性。
But the severity of it and the seriousness of it is this:
然而它的確很嚴重：
every 30 seconds, every 30 seconds, somewhere,
每隔30秒鐘，每隔30秒，在某個地方，
someone in the world takes their own life because of depression,
在這個世界上的某個人就在因為抑郁而自殺，
and it might be two blocks away, it might be two countries away,
它有可能是在兩個街區之外，它也可能在兩個國家之外，
it might be two continents away, but it's happening, and it's happening every single day.
它可能是兩個大洲之外，但它正在發生，而且每一天都在發生著。
And we have a tendency, as a society, to look at that and go, "So what?"
作為一個社會，我們有一種趨勢，看著這種情況會說，"那又怎樣?"
So what? We look at that, and we go, "That's your problem. That's their problem."
那又怎樣？我們知道這個情況然后說， "這是你的問題。這是他們的問題。”
We say we're sad and we say we're sorry, but we also say, "So what?"
我們說我們很難過，我們說我們感到很抱歉，但我們還說，"那又怎樣?"
Well, two years ago it was my problem,
好吧，兩年前，它是我的問題，
because I sat on the edge of my bed where I'd sat a million times before and I was suicidal.
因為我坐在我的床邊，曾坐過千百萬次的床邊想著要自殺。
I was suicidal, and if you were to look at my life on the surface,
我有自殺傾向，但如果你從表面上看我的生活，
you wouldn't see a kid who was suicidal.
你不會看到一個自殺傾向的孩子。
You'd see a kid who was the captain of his basketball team,
你會看到一個籃球隊隊長、
the drama and theater student of the year,
今年戲劇班的學生、
the English student of the year,
今年學習英語的學生、
someone who was consistently on the honor roll and consistently at every party.
一個經常出現在榮譽榜上的和一個經常出現在任何派對上的人。
So you would say I wasn't depressed, you would say I wasn't suicidal, but you would be wrong.
所以你會說我不是抑郁，你會說我不是自殺，但你就錯了。
You would be wrong. So I sat there that night beside a bottle of pills with a pen and paper in my hand
你就錯了。所以我那天晚上坐在床上旁邊是一瓶藥，我手上拿著紙筆
and I thought about taking my own life and I came this close to doing it.
我想著要終結自己的生命，我差一點點就做了
I came this close to doing it.
我差點就這樣做了。
And I didn't, so that makes me one of the lucky ones,
然而我沒有，所以我成為了幸運的一份子，
one of the people who gets to step out on the ledge and look down but not jump,
一個人從邊緣中走下來的人，我從我的人生大樓向下看但并沒有跳下去，
one of the lucky ones who survives.
我是幸運活下來的人之一。
