Well, I survived, and that just leaves me with my story,
嗯,我活下來了,那讓我跟我的故事并存,
and my story is this:
我的故事是:
In four simple words, I suffer from depression.
簡單的四個字,患抑郁癥。
I suffer from depression, and for a long time, I think,
我患上抑郁癥,在很長時間,我想,
I was living two totally different lives, where one person was always afraid of the other.
我在活著兩個完全不同的人生,一個總是害怕別人的人。
I was afraid that people would see me for who I really was,
我害怕人們會看到我真實的樣子,
that I wasn't the perfect, popular kid in high school everyone thought I was,
并不是一個每個人都認(rèn)為我是的樣子:高中的風(fēng)光小孩,我其實并不完美
that beneath my smile, there was struggle, and beneath my light, there was dark,
在我的微笑下面是斗爭,在我的光明下面是黑暗,
and beneath my big personality just hid even bigger pain.
在我的人格下藏著更深層次的痛苦。
See, some people might fear girls not liking them back.
比如有些人害怕喜歡的女生不喜歡他。
Some people might fear sharks. Some people might fear death.
有些人可能害怕鯊魚。有些人可能會害怕死亡。
But for me, for a large part of my life, I feared myself.
但對我來說,我生命中的很大一部分是害怕我自己。

I feared my truth, I feared my honesty, I feared my vulnerability,
我害怕真相,我害怕誠實,我害怕脆弱,
and that fear made me feel like I was forced into a corner,
這種恐懼讓我感覺到就像我被被逼迫到一個角落里,
like I was forced into a corner and there was only one way out,
就像我被逼到角落里,只有一個出路,
and so I thought about that way every single day.
于是,我每一天都這樣想。
I thought about it every single day, and if I'm being totally honest, standing here
我每一天都這樣想,如果我完全誠實的站在這里
I've thought about it again since, because that's the sickness,
我告訴你我有再次想過,因為這就是疾病,
that's the struggle, that's depression, and depression isn't chicken pox.
這就是斗爭,那是抑郁,抑郁癥不是水痘。
You don't beat it once and it's gone forever.
你不是抗?fàn)幰淮芜^,它就永遠(yuǎn)離開了。
It's something you live with. It's something you live in.
它跟你相依為命。它是你生命里的東西。
It's the roommate you can't kick out. It's the voice you can't ignore.
它是你不能踢出去的室友。它是你不能忽視的雜音。
It's the feelings you can't seem to escape,
它是你不能逃脫的情感,
the scariest part is that after a while,
最可怕的是過了一段時間,
you become numb to it. It becomes normal for you,
你變得麻木。它對于你來說已經(jīng)很正常了,
and what you really fear the most isn't the suffering inside of you.
你真正最害怕的不是你內(nèi)心的痛苦。
It's the stigma inside of others,
這是在別人眼里的恥辱
it's the shame, it's the embarrassment,
它是恥辱,是尷尬,
it's the disapproving look on a friend's face,
它是朋友臉上不贊成的表情,
it's the whispers in the hallway that you're weak,
它是走廊的低語,輕聲說你太懦弱,
it's the comments that you're crazy.
它是你瘋了的評語。
That's what keeps you from getting help.
這就是讓你得不到幫助的原因。
That's what makes you hold it in and hide it.
這就是讓你它控制它和隱藏它的原因。
It's the stigma. So you hold it in and you hide it, and you hold it in and you hide it,
因為這是一種恥辱。所以你控制它和隱藏它,你控制它隱藏它,
and even though it's keeping you in bed every day
即使它讓你每一天待在床上
and it's making your life feel empty no matter how much you try and fill it, you hide it,
它讓你的人生感到空虛無論你怎樣努力地去填補(bǔ)它,你隱藏它,
because the stigma in our society around depression is very real.
因為在我們的社會中有關(guān)抑郁癥的恥辱感是非常真實的。
It's very real, and if you think that it isn't, ask yourself this:
它很真實,如果你認(rèn)為它不是,問問你自己:
Would you rather make your next Facebook status
你想讓你的下一個Facebook狀態(tài)是
say you're having a tough time getting out of bed because you hurt your back
說你很難下床因為你背有傷
or you're having a tough time getting out of bed every morning because you're depressed?
還是你很難下床是因為你抑郁?
That's the stigma, because unfortunately,
這是恥辱,因為不幸的是,
we live in a world where if you break your arm, everyone runs over to sign your cast,
我們生活在一個如果你的胳膊傷了,大家都跑過去要在你的石膏上簽名,
but if you tell people you're depressed, everyone runs the other way.
但如果你告訴人們你抑郁,每個人跑向了另外一邊。
That's the stigma.
而這就是恥辱。
We are so, so, so accepting of any body part breaking down other than our brains.
我們是如此接受任何身體部位受損,除了我們的大腦。
And that's ignorance.
這是一種無知。
That's pure ignorance, and that ignorance has created a world that doesn't understand depression,
純粹的無知,制造這種無知的是一個不了解抑郁癥的世界
that doesn't understand mental health.
不懂心理健康的世界。
And that's ironic to me, because depression is one of the best documented problems we have in the world,
對于我來說這很諷刺,因為抑郁是我們這世界上最有跡可循的問題之一
yet it's one of the least discussed.
然而它是最少被討論的話題之一。
We just push it aside and put it in a corner
我們只是把它放到一邊,放到角落里
and pretend it's not there and hope it'll fix itself.
假裝它不存在,并希望它就好了。
Well, it won't. It hasn't, and it's not going to, because that's wishful thinking,
它不會、它沒有、也不即將要,因為那只是一廂情愿,
and wishful thinking isn't a game plan, it's procrastination,
一廂情愿不是一個游戲計劃,它是拖沓,
and we can't procrastinate on something this important.
而我們不能拖延這么重要的事情。