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5.Let Them Go First—If you start talking at the same time someone else is trying to finish their thought, STOP and say, “I’m sorry, please continue” and let them finish before responding. Even if what you have to say is important or it’s an answer to the question they raised, show them your respect by letting them finish. I certainly notice when people allow me to complete my sentences without “over talking” or interrupting. Do you?
5.讓對(duì)方先說(shuō)完。如果別人還沒(méi)說(shuō)完你就開(kāi)始開(kāi)始說(shuō)話，你就得停下來(lái)并說(shuō)“不好意思，請(qǐng)繼續(xù)”這樣的話，然后等對(duì)方說(shuō)完你再表達(dá)你的觀點(diǎn)。即便你要說(shuō)的話很重要，即便那是對(duì)方提出的問(wèn)題的答案，也要讓對(duì)方說(shuō)完，這能顯示出你對(duì)他人的尊重。當(dāng)然，我有過(guò)這種別人不搶我話頭或打斷我的經(jīng)歷，你呢？
6.Care About What’s Being Said—This is where my dad stands out from most people. When he listens he really cares about what is being said, even if it’s a subject that doesn’t interest him. He tells me that this is his way of showing people that what they say is important and that they are valuable individuals.
6.關(guān)注談話內(nèi)容——這就是我父親與許多人不一樣的地方。他在聽(tīng)別人說(shuō)話時(shí)，即便對(duì)那個(gè)話題并不感興趣，他也會(huì)關(guān)注談話內(nèi)容。他對(duì)我說(shuō)，這能讓對(duì)方感覺(jué)到他們無(wú)論是他們的話還是他們本身都是得到重視的。
7.Listen For The Message Within The Message—Another one of my dad’s skills is to listen for the message within the message. By listening intently, he is able to grasp the topic and move more effectively into the conversation. He says that most people are looking for encouragement, answers or insights to the subjects they discuss. By listening in this manner, he is able to connect more effectively.
7.聽(tīng)隱含義——我父親另一個(gè)傾聽(tīng)技巧是聽(tīng)話中之話，即隱含義。通過(guò)專心聽(tīng)，他能抓住主題，使談話更好地深入下去。他說(shuō)從大多數(shù)人說(shuō)的話中能看出，他們?cè)趯で蠊膭?lì)，尋找答案或深刻見(jiàn)解。這樣的傾聽(tīng)法讓他和別人的更有助于他的人際關(guān)系。
8.Don’t Change The Subject—When you are engaged in a conversation, don’t change the subject unless the discussion is finished. I observe people who do this all the time in small group settings, business meetings and social encounters. If you change the subject of a discussion prematurely, you demonstrate a lack of interest in the discussion and indicate that what you have to say is more important.
8.不要轉(zhuǎn)變?cè)掝}——談話結(jié)束前不要轉(zhuǎn)換話題。通過(guò)觀察，我發(fā)現(xiàn)人們無(wú)論是在小組討論，商會(huì)會(huì)議還是在社交場(chǎng)合中談話時(shí)總會(huì)出現(xiàn)談話還沒(méi)結(jié)束就轉(zhuǎn)換話題的現(xiàn)象。如果過(guò)早轉(zhuǎn)換話題，別人會(huì)以為你對(duì)討論內(nèi)容不感興趣，而且還會(huì)誤以為你過(guò)于自大。
9.Respond By Asking Questions—When you ask people questions during a conversation, you show a sincere interest in the topic. My dad says that most people operate at “the feeling level”, rather than “the thinking level”, even if they are good thinkers. I agree! My Dad’s favorite question is to ask how they FEEL about the subject they have raised.
9.以提問(wèn)的方式來(lái)回應(yīng)對(duì)方——在談話中你向?qū)Ψ教釂?wèn)可以顯示出你對(duì)談話主題的興趣。我贊成我父親的說(shuō)法：大多數(shù)人（即使很有思想的人）在回應(yīng)對(duì)方時(shí)都會(huì)停留在“感覺(jué)”層面上而不是“思考”層面上。我爸爸最喜歡問(wèn)對(duì)方對(duì)他們自己說(shuō)的話題有什么看法。
10. Don’t Start a Side Conversation—When part of a group conversation, never start a side conversation, even if the person talking is not making eye contact with you. Yes, they should be including you in the conversation by sharing eye contact equally with each person in the group, but don’t allow their mistake to prevent you from being a good listener.
10.切忌私下討論——在小組討論時(shí)，即使說(shuō)話人沒(méi)有和你進(jìn)行目光接觸，也千萬(wàn)不要在旁邊自己私下討論。沒(méi)錯(cuò)，他們是應(yīng)該對(duì)組里的每個(gè)人都平等對(duì)待，說(shuō)話時(shí)要顧及到每個(gè)人，但是也不要讓他們的錯(cuò)誤成為你善于傾聽(tīng)的阻礙。
Like many of the other thoughts I have shared with you, instinctively I know the right thing to do. But doing it consistently is the hard part. Being a good listener requires an intentional effort and above all, a sincere interest in other people. It is a skill worthy of mastering.
就像我之前和你們分享過(guò)的許多想法一樣，我知道做對(duì)的事，但是堅(jiān)持做對(duì)的事才是難點(diǎn)。善于傾聽(tīng)要特別努力。最重要的是，要真的對(duì)他人展現(xiàn)出興趣。這是一種很值得掌握的技巧。
I am committed to working on being a better listener. Will you commit to showing you care about people by incorporating these ten tips into your daily routine? On a scale of 1-10, what’s your commitment?
我正在努力去更好地傾聽(tīng)別人。你有決心在日常生活中運(yùn)用這10個(gè)技巧來(lái)表示你對(duì)別人的尊重嗎？如果按照1-10的程度來(lái)分，你的決心屬于哪個(gè)層次呢？
“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.” Dale Carnegie
讓我引用戴爾卡內(nèi)基的話作為結(jié)束語(yǔ)，他說(shuō)過(guò)：“你可以通過(guò)對(duì)他人感興趣而結(jié)交比兩年時(shí)間內(nèi)對(duì)你感興趣的人更多的朋友?！?/p>
