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Talking about sex with Children
跟你的孩子談性
Have you talked to your kids about sex yet? After giving us the strategies and a handbook—for starting the conversation, Dr. Laura Berman's back to help the parents of teenagers still struggling with the sex talk.
你跟你的孩子談性了嗎?之前勞拉·波曼博士給我們提供過有關如何開始這個話題的策略以及一本指南,現在她回來了，回來幫助那些還在為這個性話題苦苦掙扎的父母們。
The talk shouldn't only be about STD prevention and pregnancy, Dr. Berman says. It's also about empowerment—and Dr. Berman says the conversation needs to include pleasure and selfstimulation.
波曼博士認為這一話題不應該只是有關防止性病傳染和懷孕， 它還涉及了“授權”問題。這一交談必須是令人愉快的和具有自我刺激性的交談。
“You don't want her to have sex right now. ... But you eventually want her to have a fulfilling, happy, loving, intimate sex life，” she says. “When the time comes, she's much more likely to make those healthy decisions since she feels good about who she is as a sexual person and not just give away that gift to anybody the first time or any time."
波曼博士說你并不想她現在就跟人發生性關系，但你最終還是希望她有一個滿意的、快樂的、充滿愛的和親密的性生活。什么時候她覺得自己已經是一位好的性伙伴了,她就很可能會作出那些正確的決 定,而不是把自己的第一次(或任何一次)隨便地交給任何一人。”
After dating for three months, 14-year-old Courtney and Pierce say they're thinking about taking their relationship to the next level. Both say it would be their first time.
14歲的科特妮和皮爾斯在交往3個月之后打算進一步深入發展兩人之間的關系。兩人都說這會是他們的第一次。
Pierce's mom, Lisa, says she noticed how her son was looking at Courtney and started to suspect something might happen soon. 6tFrom my gut, they are getting very, very close to have sex,she says.
皮爾斯的母親麗莎說她留意到了兒子望著科特妮時的眼神，并開始猜測有些事很快就要發生。她說憑我的直覺,他們很快就要發生性關系。
Dr. Berman says if you suspect that your children are thinking about having sex, you need to ask them several important questions. What should parents know about having this conversation with their own children? This is the kind of conversation where you need to be calm, listening a lot, asking questions, hearing opinions and giving them your thoughts and feelings,Dr. Berman says.
波曼博士說，如果你懷疑你的孩子在考慮著要發生性關系了， 你就得問他們幾個重要的間題。跟自己的孩子進行這祥的交談,父母應該了解些什么？波曼博士說廣這種交談需要你靜下心來,聽他們說,問他們問題，聽他們的意見,給出你的想法和感受。”
Get all Dr. Berman's questions for a teen who's thinking about having sex.
把波曼博士提出的所有問題帶給一個正考慮要發生性關系的青少年吧。
The first question Dr. Berman has for Pierce and Courtney is simple why now?
而波曼博士問皮爾斯和科特妮的第一個問題很簡單一為什么現在想做？
“We've been dating for a little while, and we feel like we're ready,” Pierce says. “We love each other, and we're not just doing it because we want to do it.... We want it to be special.”
皮爾斯說廣我們交往有一段時間了，我們感覺我們已經準備好了。我們愛彼此，我們這樣做不只是出于我們想要這樣做……我們想讓它變得特別起來。”
“I think having sex, intercourse, is a really big step in your life. When you do it for the first time, it has to be with someone that you really care about' Courtney says. “I do really care about Pierce, and I think for me to do it with him for the first time would be really special.”
科特妮說廣我覺得做愛、性交,真的是你生命中的一大臺階。你的第一次應該跟一個你真正在 乎的人發生。我真的在乎皮爾斯,而且我覺得我跟他的第一次肯定會很特別。”
Dr. Berman also wants to make sure Courtney and Pierce have thought through the emotional changes that come with sex. “The first time, it comes with intense emotions, intense feelings especially afterward,55 she says.
波曼博士還想弄明白：性所帶來的情感變化，科特妮和皮爾斯想通了嗎？她說:“隨著第一次性關系而來的是強烈的情感和情緒一過后尤其如此。”
Questions Dr. Berman says they need to consider are:
波曼博士認為他們需要考慮的問題有：
What does this mean for who I am as a person?
我是誰？這對我來說意味著什么？
What does this mean for my body?
這對我的身體來說意味著什么？
What does this mean for my relationship with this person?
對于我跟這個人的關系,這又意味著什么？
What happens next?
接下來會發生什么？
If they do have sex, have Courtney and Pierce discussed their expectations for how frequently it would happen? “It's not really up to me，” Pierce says. “It's her decision how often she wants to continue doing it, so I don't really have a choice.”
如果科特妮和皮爾斯真的發生了性行為,那么他們討論過他們期待的下一次將隔多長時間了嗎？皮爾斯說這不由我決定,她想隔多久就多久,我沒有選擇。”
Good answer, Dr. Berman says. “She's got to consent. That's good' she says. “That's part of the conversation as well.”
波漫博士說,回答得好。她說：“科特妮也這么認為,這也是交談的一部分。”
Whether you have boys at home or girls, Dr. Berman says the information you give needs to be the same.
波曼博士說,無論你家孩子是男孩還是女孩,跟他們說的要一致。
“Boys are under a tremendous amount of pressure as well,” Dr. Berman says. “I think we really have to pay attention to that, too, and give them both the same information the same lack of permission or permission as the case may be and the same resources.”
波漫博士說廣男孩同樣承受著巨大的壓力,我們必須注意這一點,給他們相同的信息一允許,還是不允許一視情況而定,但信息資源是一樣的。”
