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If Disney Princes Were Real
迪士尼公主──惡夢成真
Once upon a time, in a faraway land, there lived a beautiful girl who dreamed of finding her prince. Alas, real life is no fairy tale. Here's why Disney princess...
很久很久以前，在一個遙遠的國度里，那兒住了個夢想著找到她的王子的美麗女孩。不幸的是，現實生活可不是童話故事。這就是為什么迪士尼公主...
So this is love.
這就是愛。
...would make terrible boyfriends.
這就是為什么迪士尼公主會交到糟糕的男朋友。
I'll be your knight in shining armor...if you're hot.
我會當你那位穿著閃亮盔甲的騎士...如果你很辣的話。
My dad do this party so I can meet a girl who is...
我爸辦這場派對好讓我可以遇到一個女孩...
Emotionally independent.
情感獨立的女孩。
...hot and rich, like us. So, will you marry me?
...一個又辣又多金的女孩，就像我們一樣。那么，你會嫁給我嗎？
I think I left my straightener on.
我想到我的直發器還開著。
Size 7.5, the girl who fits this is my bae.
尺寸 7.5，適合這鞋子的女孩就是我的北鼻(網路用詞)。
Mirror, mirror, on the wall, baby. Here is my number, so call me maybe.
魔鏡啊，魔鏡，牆上的魔鏡，寶貝。這是我的號碼，可以的話就打給我。
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey... HEY!
喂、喂、喂、喂、喂...喂!
Hey...
喂...
What are you doing?
你在干嘛？
Oh, thank God! I thought you were dead.
喔，謝天謝地!我還以為你死了。
Then why would you try to kiss me?
那你為什么會試著要親我？
Hold on, don't change the subject. Who are these seven guys texting you?
等等，不要轉移話題。這七個傳簡訊給你的家伙是誰？
They're just my roommates.
他們只是我的室友。
I want a girl who will tame my inner beast. THAT'S NOT A REQUEST.
我要一個能夠馴服我內心野獸的女孩。那可不是個請求。
So now that we live together, we need to establish a few ground rules.
既然現在我們住在一起了，我們必須建立幾條基本規則。
Actually, I'm a little hungry.
老實說，我有一點餓。
You are not allowed to step foot into that side of the house, especially my room. Ever. It is forbidden.
你不被允許踏入這房子的那一側，特別是我的房間。永遠不準。這是被禁止的。
Okay, does that include the bathroom?
好吧，那也包含浴室嗎？
Also, I'm gonna need to know where you are and what you are doing at all times, because sometimes I get lonely. Do this, and I'll release your father from my basement.
還有，我會需要隨時知道你在哪里和你在做什么，因為有時候我會感到孤單寂寞。照著做，我就會把你父親從我的地下室釋放。
You kidnapped my dad?
你綁架我爸爸？
Nailed it.
搞定了。
Who are you talking to?
你在跟誰說話？
My dream girl: Loves dogs and long walks on the...what's the word?
我的夢幻女孩：喜歡狗狗還有走一段長長的路在...那個詞叫什么？
Excuse me, Miss. Have you seen my girlfriend?
不好意思，小姐。你有看到我的女朋友嗎？
Eric, it's me.
Eric，是我啊。
Oh, yeah, you look familiar, but... Wait, I follow you on Twitter, right?
喔，對，你看起來有些眼熟，但...等等，我有在 Twitter 上追蹤你，對吧？
You don't remember the crazy lady you stabbed with a boat for me?
你不記得你為了我用船去刺一個瘋女士(注一)？
I think I know what the love of my life looks like.
我認為我知道我生命中的愛人長怎樣。
Even your dog knows it's me.
連你的狗都知道是我啊。
Let me get my dog back. Reina, where'd you go?
讓我把我的狗抱回來。Reina，你要去哪里？
Don't know how you do the voodo that you do. So well, it's a spell, hell, makes me wanna HOP, HOP, HOP.
不知道你怎么做到你下的那巫毒？好吧，這是個咒語，見鬼了，讓我想要跳、跳、跳。
Sorry, babe. Do you think you can spot me?
抱歉，寶貝。你覺得你可以借我些錢嗎？
Again?
又來？
My parents just cut me off.
我父母剛和我一刀兩斷。
No, you need to get a job.
不，你必須找個工作。
Ha, ha, ha...I got a job. My music.
哈、哈、哈...我有工作啊。我的音樂。
You woke up like that. You woke up like that. Flawless.
你就像那樣醒來。你就像那樣醒來。完美無瑕。
Okay. You know what? Have fun making love to your mini guitar.
好了。你知道嗎？好好享受對你的迷你吉他示愛的樂趣吧。
It's a Ukelele. And can I at least borrow your car and get home?
這是一把烏克麗麗。那我至少可以借你的車回家吧？
Take the bus!
搭公車!
You're so fancy. You already know.
你如此美好。你早就知道。
Trust me, I can show you the world...if you give me a magic carpet ride.
相信我，我可以給你看這世界...只要你給我一趟魔毯之旅。
Wait. Your name is not Ali?
等等。你的名字不是阿里？
Prince Ali. No. Aladdin. Yeah, that's me, a compulsive liar, someone who plunders.
阿里王子。不是。阿拉丁。沒錯，那是我，一個習慣性騙子、一個偷竊的人。
Why are you singing?
你為什么在唱歌？
I told you what you wanted to hear to get inside your cave of wonders.
我對你說你想聽的，好進到你那充滿驚奇的洞穴里。
My cave of what now?
我的什么洞穴？
The mansion we slept in was one that I crept in. The way I get laid is through deceit.
我們睡的豪宅是我闖空門的那棟。我找人上床的方法就是用詐騙的。
Who are you people?
你們這些人是誰？
The car that we rode in was one that I stolen, but who needs a ride when you live on the street?
我們開的車是我偷的那輛，但當你住在街上誰還需要一臺車啊？
You're homeless?
你無家可歸？
That monkey you swear follows us everywhere is my one and only friend.
那只你發誓到處跟著我們的猴子是我唯一的朋友。
You don't meet a guy like me every dynasty.
你可不是每個朝代都能遇到像我這樣的男人。
So yeah, I've had the absolute worst luck with dating lately. What about you?
所以啦，我最近在約會方面有最倒霉的運氣。那你呢？
This is a little awkward. I kind of thought you were a dude.
這真是有些尷尬。我原本還以為你是個男的。
Excuse me?
你說什么？
Yeah, it's just from certain angles. And I mean, your hair's pulled back in these photos.
嗯，就只是從某些角度啦。而且我是說，在這些相片里你的頭發是往后梳的。
I have boobs.
我有胸部耶。
Sorry. I guess I made a man out of you.
抱歉。我想我把你看成一個男人了。
I have been looking everywhere for you.
我到處在找你。
You know what? I'm done with Disney princess. Being single never bothered me anyway.
你知道嗎？我受夠迪士尼公主了。反正單身從沒困擾過我。
And she lived happily ever after.
而她從此過著幸福快樂的日子。
Why does this always keep happening to me?
為什么這總是不斷發生在我身上？
Hey! How're you doing?
嘿!你好嗎？
Ladies love it when you kidnap their fathers. I'm gonna build her a library, if you know what I mean. And by that, I mean I'm going to actually build a library.
當你綁架她們的爸爸時，小姐們就愛這套。我要為她建一座圖書館，如果你知道我的意思的話。而那樣說，我的意思是我會真的建一座圖書館。
Seriously, who are you talking to?
認真地，你在跟誰說話啊？
I'm talking to Lumiere.
我在跟 Lumiere 說話(注二)。
注一：在迪士尼《小美人魚》的劇情中，王子為了拯救小美人魚，用船桅刺死了女巫烏蘇拉。注二：Lumiere 是迪士尼《美女與野獸》中的角色，變回人形前是一個蠟燭。
