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and you need to fold the worst events of your life
你必須把生命中最糟糕的時間，
into a narrative of triumph,
揉搓成勝利的故事，
evincing a better self
用更好的自己
in response to things that hurt.
來還擊能傷害你的事物。
One of the other mothers I interviewed
我在寫我的書時，
when I was working on my book
訪問了一位母親，
had been raped as an adolescent,
她年少時被強奸，
and had a child following that rape,
而在那之后她懷了孩子，
which had thrown away her career plans
這摧毀了她的事業計劃
and damaged all of her emotional relationships.
也使她的情感關系受創。
But when I met her, she was 50,
當我遇見她時，她已經50歲了，
and I said to her,
我問她，
"Do you often think about the man who raped you?"
“你常想起那個強奸你的男人嗎？”
And she said, "I used to think about him with anger,
而她回答道：“我曾經對他很氣憤，
but now only with pity."
但現在只有憐憫。”
And I thought she meant pity because he was
我以為她所說的憐憫是因為
so unevolved as to have done this terrible thing.
只有粗鄙的男人才能做出如此不堪的事情。
And I said, "Pity?"
我問她：“憐憫？”
And she said, "Yes,
她回答到：“是的，
because he has a beautiful daughter
因為他有一個美麗的女兒
and two beautiful grandchildren
和兩個美麗的孫子孫女
and he doesn't know that, and I do.
但他并不知道，而我知道。
So as it turns out, I'm the lucky one."
所以顯然，我是幸運的。”
Some of our struggles are things we're born to:
有些掙扎是先天的：
our gender, our sexuality, our race, our disability.
我們的性別，性傾向，種族，殘疾。
And some are things that happen to us:
有些是后天發生的事情：
being a political prisoner, being a rape victim,
成為政治犯，成為強奸的受害者，
being a Katrina survivor.
成為颶風卡特里娜的幸存者。
Identity involves entering a community
身份意味著進入一個社群
to draw strength from that community,
從社群中得到力量，
and to give strength there too.
并同時給予那社群力量。
It involves substituting "and" for "but" --
這需要把“但是”轉換成“而且”
not "I am here but I have cancer,"
不是“我在這兒但是我有癌癥”
but rather, "I have cancer and I am here."
而是，“我有癌癥而且我在這里。”
When we're ashamed,
當我們對自己感到慚愧，
we can't tell our stories,
我們就無法闡述自己的故事，
and stories are the foundation of identity.
而故事是身份的基礎。
Forge meaning, build identity,
鑄造意義，建立身份，
forge meaning and build identity.
鑄造意義并建立身份，
That became my mantra.
這變成了我的口頭禪。
Forging meaning is about changing yourself.
鑄造意義所需要的是改變自己。
Building identity is about changing the world.
建立身份所需要的是改變世界。
All of us with stigmatized identities
所有像我這樣身份沾有污點的人
face this question daily:
每天都必須面對這個問題：
how much to accommodate society
我該多大限度地通過禁錮自己
by constraining ourselves,
來遷就社會
and how much to break the limits
我該多大限度地打破所謂
of what constitutes a valid life?
正確生活的底線？
Forging meaning and building identity
鑄造意義和建立身份
does not make what was wrong right.
不會把錯的變成對的。
It only makes what was wrong precious.
只會把錯誤的變得珍貴。
In January of this year,
今年一月，
I went to Myanmar to interview political prisoners,
我前往緬甸訪問政治囚犯，
and I was surprised to find them less bitter
而我驚訝地發現他們
than I'd anticipated.
沒有我想象中的那么懷恨。
Most of them had knowingly committed
他們大多在知情的情況下
the offenses that landed them in prison,
犯下了讓他們入獄的罪行，
and they had walked in with their heads held high,
而他們昂首挺胸地走入監獄，
and they walked out with their heads
多年后，他們依然昂首
still held high, many years later.
地走出監獄。
