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【原文】
How to Overcome Your Shyness
Shyness is the cause of much unhappiness for a great many of people. All kinds of people describe themselves as shy. Shy people are anxious and self-conscious; that is that they are excessively concerned with their own appearance and actions. Worrisome1 thoughts are constantly swirling in their minds. What kind of impression am I making? Do they like me? Do I sound stupid? I’m ugly. I’m wearing unattractive clothes. It’s obvious that such uncomfortable feelings must affect people adversely2. A person’s self-concept is reflected in the way he or she behaves, and the way a person behaves affects other people’s reactions.
Shy people, having low self esteem, are likely to be passive and easily influenced by others. They need reassurance3 that they are doing “the right thing”. Shy people are very sensitive to criticism. They feel it confirms their inferiority4. They also find it difficult to be pleased by compliments because they believe they are unworthy of praise. A shy person may respond to a compliment with a statement like this one: “Your are just saying that to make me feel good. I know it’s not true.” It’s clear that, while self-awareness is a healthy quality, overdoing it is detrimental5, or harmful. Then, can shyness be completely eliminated, or at least reduced?
Yes!Here are some specific helpful steps toward building self-confidence and overcoming shyness.
1. Recognize your personal strengths and weaknesses. Everyone has both. As self-acceptance grows, shyness naturally diminishes.
2. Set reasonable goals. For example, you may be timid6 about being with a group of strangers at a party. Don’t feel that you must converse with everyone. Concentrate on talking with one or two people. You’ll feel more comfortable.
3. Guilt and shame are destructive feelings. Don’t waste time and energy on them. Suppose, you have hurt someone’s feelings. Feeling ashamed accomplishes nothing. Instead, accept the fact that you have made a mistake, and make up your mind to be more sensitive in the future.
4. There are numerous approaches to all issues. Few options are completely right or wrong. Don’t be afraid to speak up and give your point of view.
5. Don’t make negative comments about yourself. This is a form of self-rejection. Avoid describing yourself as stupid, ugly, a failure. Accent7 the positive.
6. Accept criticism thoughtfully. Do not interpret it as a personal attack. If, for example, a friend complains about your cooking, accept it as a comment on your cooking, not yourself. Be assured that you are still good friends, but perhaps your cooking could improve.
7. Remember that everyone experiences some failures and disappointments. Profit from them as learning experiences. Very often a disappointment becomes a turning point for a wonderful experience to come along. For instance, you may be rejected by the college of your choice. However, at the college you actually attend, you may find a quality of education beyond what you had expected.
8. Do not associate with people who make you feel inadequate. Try to change their attitude or yours, or remove yourself from that relationship. People who hurt you do not have your best interests at heart.
9. Set aside time to relax, enjoy hobbies, and re-evaluate your goals regularly. Time spent this way helps you learn more about yourself.
10. Practice being in social occasions. Don’t isolate yourself from people. Try making one acquaintance at a time; eventually you circulate in large groups with skill and self-assurance.
Each of us is a unique, valuable individual. We are interesting in our personal ways. The better we understand ourselves, the easier it becomes to live up to our full potential. Let’s not allow shyness to block our chances for a rich and fulfilling life.
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