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Oh, my God. Look at this line.
天啊，瞧這隊(duì)排得。
I knew we should have gotten here sooner, but, no, I had to be a good person,
我早說了我們應(yīng)該早點(diǎn)過來，但某人要裝好人，
I had to carry that torso man on the skateboard up the subway stairs.
要幫忙人家把滑滑板的假人給搬上地鐵樓梯。
All this is for a croissant and a doughnut? Those things already existed.
排這么長，就為了吃牛角面包加甜甜圈？這倆東西早就發(fā)明了。
Where was all the fanfare when I combined the sleeping pill with the morning after pill
我當(dāng)年混合了事后避孕藥與安眠藥時，我的廣大粉絲熱潮都上哪去了，
and called it the "sleep-through- the-morning-after" Pill?
那藥我命名為"事后睡一覺避孕藥"。
How did these things get so popular?
這東西怎么會這么火爆啊？
There's no science to this trend stuff.
潮流本來就是很不科學(xué)的東西。
It's all decided by one bitchy gay guy typing in his room, making it all up.
就只是某個死賤基男在房里瞎掰報道捧起來的。
Well, then we have to do some trend research.
那我們得研究一下這潮流啊。
We've got to figure out how to make Max's homemade cupcakes the next cronuts.
得研究出怎么樣把麥克斯自制小蛋糕捧成下一個牛角圈。
I hate all these stupid trends. Cleanses, cronuts, condoms.
我煩死這些潮流商品了。排毒，牛角圈，避孕套。
Excuse me, sir, My name's Caroline. I'm a trend researcher.
先生，打擾一下。我叫卡洛琳。我是一個潮流分析員。
I'm Chuck. I sell magnets.
我叫查克。賣磁鐵的。
What made you want to spend an entire day in line for cronuts?
是什么原因讓你排隊(duì)一整天只為了買到牛角圈？
I like croissants. I like doughnuts. I'm a fat guy. It all adds up.
我喜歡牛角面包。也喜歡甜甜圈。我還是個胖子。不言自明了吧。
That's true. You are a fat guy. And there's a doughnut shop right across the street.
的確。你是個胖子沒錯。對街就有一家甜甜圈店。
So why don't you just stop there, get a damn doughnut,
你為啥不去那邊一趟，買個甜甜圈呢，
and save yourself the last 200 possibly life-threatening steps to here?
也拯救你於之前那200步隨時都可能倒下的路程呢？
Look, it's two things I like put together. End of story.
這東西把我兩個所愛食物合二為一。還需要解釋嗎。
That's it, Max. It's the two things together. One thing isn't enough anymore.
就是這個，麥克斯。重點(diǎn)在合二為一。單純一個已經(jīng)不夠了。
Yeah, that's why Oleg's cousin hung himself.
所以奧列格的表哥才上吊自殺啊。
I'm serious. When's the last time you did just one thing?
我是認(rèn)真的。你上一次只做一件事是什么時候？
Like, watch a movie without playing a game on your phone?
比如沒一邊看電影，一邊在玩手機(jī)？
Magic Mike. Wait, does playing with yourself count?
看《魔力麥克》時。等等，邊看邊"玩自己"算嗎？
Come on, let's get to the end of the line.
走吧，我們?nèi)プ詈竺媾抨?duì)吧。
End of the line? That's for rookies. I'm a line pro.
最后面排隊(duì)？那是新手干的事。我是排隊(duì)大師。
My mom and I waited in line for food stamps, Bob Seger lawn seats.
我和我媽總需要排隊(duì)等食品救濟(jì)劵，演唱會場外草地位。
We spent a Saturday in the "Guns for cash" line.
不過我們有個周六在"槍換錢"活動排了一天。
Now that's a line you don't want to cut in. Follow my lead.
因?yàn)槟莻€隊(duì)絕對不能隨便插。跟著我。
Hey, man, cronut line. What do you want to do after this?
兄弟，排隊(duì)買牛角圈呢。買完之后打算干嘛？
Okay, all right, all right. Back of the line. Everybody relax.
好啦，行行行，我們?nèi)プ詈蟆４蠹覄e激動。
Guess my mom being topless had more to do with my line skills than I thought.
原來我的插隊(duì)技術(shù)影響力遠(yuǎn)沒有我媽裸上身來得大啊。
