評論
打印
Max, I've thought a lot about it,
麥克斯，我想了很多，
and I can't sit there while that woman waves my father's penis in Piers Morgan's face.
我不能讓那女人就這么在主持人面前談我爸的雞雞。
You're lucky it's not Anderson Cooper, 'cause he'd be giggling up a storm.
你該慶幸這主持人不是安德森·庫珀，因為他肯定會笑得花枝亂顫。
I have a plan. My goal on this show is gonna be to discredit that woman
我有個計劃。我上節目就是要證明那女人的話是假的，
and tell people, even though my father did a bad thing, he did some wonderful things as well.
而且要告訴大眾，雖然我爸爸做過壞事，但其實他也做過很多好事。
Look, here he is working with UNICEF. Here he is rebuilding haiti.
這是他在聯合國兒童基金會幫忙。這是他幫忙海地災民重建家園。
Oh, this is just a cute picture of him water-skiing at a charity event on Lake Tahoe.
這張只是一張他玩劃水的帥照，是在太浩湖的慈善活動上呢。
What's the charity? White men without golf clubs?
給沒錢買高爾夫球桿的白人募款嗎？
So that's my plan, and hopefully, going on that show will put an end to all these ridiculous rumors about my father.
反正我是那么計劃的啦，希望上完節目后，能讓坊間關于我爸的謠言停止。
Hey, Caroline. Yeah. The word on the street is your dad's got a weenis.
卡洛琳。耶。外面都在傳你爸有只"小小鳥"。
Sophie, how did you hear about that?
蘇菲，你上哪聽來的？
Oleg told me.
奧列格告訴我的。
It came up on my Google penis alerts. I like to keep current, see what the trends are.
消息出現在我的谷歌雞雞搜索警報。我喜歡在時事尖端，跟隨流行"雞"態。
You don't want to be that middle-aged guy wearing the same penis you had in high school.
你也不會想當一個長著別人多年前就有的同款雞雞的中年男子吧。
Great, now, it's all over the internet. And my shoulders are all up around my ears.
這下好了，網上傳遍了。我肩膀都聳起來到我耳旁了。
Look, I'm too tense to even shake my head "no" at that liar woman, which was gonna be my key move.
你看，緊張到都沒辦法對那女騙子搖頭反對了，這可是我最重要的動作呢。
I need a massage, but I'm broke.
我好需要按摩，但我又沒錢去。
Caroline, I'll give you a massage.
卡洛琳，我可以幫你按摩啊。
Get ready for a sad ending. And beginning, and middle.
準備好迎接失望的結尾。還有失望的開頭以及過程。
There. Oh, yeah. How does that feel?
來啦。爽吧。感覺如何啊？
Like baby spiders are dancing on my shoulders.
感覺像小蜘蛛在我肩膀上跳舞。
You're the first Asian I've seen that can't give a massage.
你是我見過第一個不會按摩的亞洲人。
Hey, Caroline, I'll treat you and Max to a massage at my fancy spa.
卡洛琳，我請你跟麥克斯去我那家高檔美容院按摩吧。
Cool! I've never been to a spa.
好啊！我從沒去過呢。
The closest I've been is sticking my arm in the free blood pressure machine at Walgreens.
我做過最接近按摩的事也就是把手臂伸進藥局里的血壓測量計。
Wait, that's for your arm?
等等，那是給手臂用的嗎？
Thanks for the massage, Han.
謝謝你幫我按摩，阿憨 。
It was very nice... Oh, you're still doing it. I had no idea.
你人真好...你還在按啊。我完全沒感覺。
