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Jason: Good morning.
Maggie: Morning, Jason. I just got my first fan letter from my column.
Jason: Good. That's wonderful. What's it say?
Maggie: Dear Miss Malone, I've never really given much thought to kitty litter, but your recent article opened my eyes. Now I swear by "Tabby Fresh." Perhaps one day I'll get a …… cat.
Jason: Nice.
Ben: Morning.
Maggie: Morning.
Ben: Um, dad, I don't want you to be mad, but I can't find my history book.
Jason: Why would I be mad? I'm not the one who has to go to class without a book, Ben. I'm not the one who has to take a test unprepared.
Ben: No, but you're the one who has to cough up 25 bucks to replace it.
Jason: No, no, no, no, no…I'm sorry, you're not listening, Ben. No, I'm not gonna bail you out this time.
Ben: You're right, dad, it's time for a tough love lesson. I'm gonna drop out of fifth period. I can always sell "Mary Kay." I've got good skin.
Maggie: Enough, Ben. Jason, give him twenty-five dollars.
Jason: (groaning) I've only got two twenties here.
Ben: You're a prince.
Mike: Hello! Ah, scrambled, please.
Jason: Hey, Mike, did it ever occur to you that your mother is not just some domestic drudge?
Mike: No. Uh, dad, listen, I'm having a little problem with one of my college classes.
Jason: Attending:
Mike: No, no, dad. I just can't seem to find my sociology book.
Jason: And you're probably gonna have to sell "Mary Kay" if I don't come up with 25 bucks to replace it.
Mike: No, it was "Thigh-masters." Ah, but dad, actually it was thirty-five dollars.
Maggie: Mike, Ben just took your father's last forty dollars for his lost history book.
Mike: (laughing) That little leach!
Maggie: Well, I hope you can eat Mike's eggs, too.
Jason: Sorry.
Maggie: (screaming)
Jason: Okay, I'll try.
Maggie: Debbie Teighart won the Pulitzer Prize for journalism?
Jason: Debbie who?
Maggie: My old college roommate.
Jason: Somebody you know won the Pulitzer? That's great.
Maggie: Oh, yeah. Just the kind of good news you want to start your day.
Jason: Friend of yours wins the Pulitzer, and you puree the paper?
Maggie: Jason, don't you remember Debbie Teighart? The one who made my life a living hell for four years?
Jason: Doesn't ring a bell.
Maggie: Debbie "if he's breathing, I'll jump him" Teighart?
Jason: Oh, ho, ho, yeah! Yeah! Short, short brunette, shag haircut?
Maggie: I knew it!
Jason: I always said "no."
Maggie: Oh! Jason, she'd do anything to get ahead. Remember my old journalism professer, Mr. Rutger? Oh, ho, ho, I bet she was sleeping….
Chrissy: Hi!
Maggie: ….in a canopy bed.
Chrissy: Don't get mad, but I lost my spelling book.
Jason: Would this by any chance cost, ooooh, say, thirty-five dollars to replace?
Chrissy: Oh-oh!
Jason: Give it up, Mike!
Mike: I had to try!
Maggie: Oh, Jason, life is funny. Here Debbie Teighart is picking up a Pulitzer, and I'm picking up….soggy Cheeri-O's.
Jason: Oh, you're also overreacting, Maggie. You are not just a person who does menial chores all day. Missed a spot! (laughing) You're a great housewife, Maggie, but you're also a damn fine journalist.
Maggie: Oh, sure. Here Debbie's writing about acid rain, and I'm writing about…well, I'll just say it….kitty doo-doo.
Jason: Yeah, but you wrote the hell out of that.
Maggie: Jason, I don't understand it. Debbie couldn't string two sentences together, and she wins the Pulitzer? Ha! She was probably sleeping with the judges! You think I'm being petty, don't you?
Jason: No, no, no, no, no.
Maggie: You're right, I am. You know, maybe Debbie's turned herself into a real journalist. You know, I'm a big enough person. I'm going to call and congratulate her.
Jason: That's better.
Maggie: (on phone) Yes, Debbie Teighart in features, please. Yes, this is an old friend of hers, Maggie Malone, from the "Long Island Sentinal." Yes, seriously. She can return my call in August! Well, uh, yes, yes! I would like to leave a message(blender noises).
Ben: Okay, let's go over this again. You're in the park, you see the babe. What do you say?
Chrissy: I'm Chrissy, and I'm lost. Can you help me find my brother, Ben?
Ben: My "studdly" brother, Ben.
Chrissy: And then I get the ice cream?
Mike: Tell you what; I'll get you some ice cream, and you don't have to do anything.
Chrissy: Great! I'll go get my coat. You find your own babes!
Ben: Hey! What are you doing?
Mike: You blew my scam, Sam. Now I'm blowing yours. You knew I had a whole lost book thing ready.
Ben: So? I got there first.
Mike: Listen, Junior. I perfected that scam while you were still saying "Pisketti."
Chrissy: Can I get Rocky Road?
Mike: Absolutely! And remember, Chrissy; who do we ask for when we need a babysitter this Saturday night?
Chrissy: My studdly brother, Ben.
Ben: What's all that stuff?
Maggie: Ah, some of my old college papers.
Ben: An award? Mom, why isn't this on the wall?
Maggie: Oh, it's just a little award. But, I did beat out students from fifty schools, including Harvard and Yale.
Ben: Wow! 1969! This thing's an antique! Hey, what's that?
Maggie: A list of goals I made when I was twenty (laughing).
Ben: Become the first woman war correspondent, learn Swahili, have a novel published by age thirty-five. I can't believe you actually did all these things. Way to go, mom!
Maggie: Oh, well. Not everything, I'm afraid. Just the ones that are checked.
Ben: Oh, come on. I mean, you did a lot of things here. I mean, how many people have actually, um, umm, ….learned to drive a stick-shift?
Jason: Either I'm hugging a pillow, or we've got to join a gym. Oh, Maggie, not that old list again!
Maggie: Can you believe I never toured the Soviet Union?
Jason: It's good you didn't. Now there is no Soviet Union. Check it off!
Maggie: Fallen nations don't count. It was a goal.
Jason: Boy, this Debbie Teighart thing has really gotten to you, hasn't it?
Maggie: Oh, not at all. I could care less that Debbie "vacuum lips" Teighart lucked into a stinking Pulitzer.
Jason: Well, I'm glad to see it's out of your system.
Maggie: Jason, this may have started out with Debbie, but now it's about me, my failed goals. I bet you accomplished everything on your list.
Jason: Well….Maggie….Come on, I've had my share of pain and disappointment.
Maggie: What? You never got to meet Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass?
Jason: I met the brass.
Maggie: Thank you. That makes me feel so much better.
Jason: Oh! You've had a lot of success, Maggie. You worked at Newsweek, and Channel 19.
Maggie: That doesn't count. I quit both of them.
Jason: Yes, but you made a decision to do that, because you wanted to spend more time with your family, and to write that book of yours….which I know you're going to get around to some day.
Maggie: Jason, Don't you see this letter made by a woman was green. What's afraid the test herself? Now, I know exactly when I got off track it was 1972. Do you remember that year?
Jason: Not specifically.
Maggie: I was covering the election in South Dakota, and I had the chance to follow George McGovern into a helicopter and get an exclusive interview.
Jason: I don't remember that interview.
Maggie: Because I didn't get the interview. I was too scared to get into the chopper. I've been living in the comfort zone ever since.
Jason: Oh, come on, Maggie. You've done all kinds of uncomfortable things.
Maggie: Such as?
Jason: Such as; you got tear-gassed when you protested against Apartheid, you gave birth, you saw Mike in "Streetcar Named Desire."
Maggie: Face it, Jason, I'm a quitter.
Jason: You're not, Maggie. You're still a young woman. You got all kinds of time to do whatever you want.
Maggie: Not if I put it off for one more day. Jason, I'm gonna master the things on this list!
Jason: Okay
Maggie: Starting with number six!
Jason: Number six.
Maggie: Rappel down a mountain!
Jason: Oh, no.
Maggie: But I need to challenge myself.
Jason: All right, yeah. Well then, try number eighteen; learn to play the sitar. All the challenge of rock climbing, and a much higher survival rate.
Maggie: Jason, I don't want to spend the rest of my life hiding from the things that frighten me.
Jason: Okay, fine, fine. But rappelling down a mountain, Maggie? Come on, you can't be serious.
Jason: Okay, you're serious, but do I have to go with you?
Kent: Ah, now see, this double figure-eight, Mag, this is, this is great. I mean, you can an elephant with that. Look!
Jason: (yelling) Oh! Hold on.
Kent: You've been practicing, haven't you.
Maggie: Oh, a little bit.
Jason: A little? Every night this week, she's tied something up. Wipe that smirk off your face.
Mike: Oh, whoa, uh, I guess today's the big day, huh?
Maggie: Yeah, you bet! Today we conquer a sheer rock face, and see what we're made of.
Jason: As long as what we're made up doesn't end up spread all over the sheer rock face.
Kent: Oh, relax, Dr. Seaver. This is gonna be a day that you'll always remember. And this time I'm sure the ropes are gonna hold.
Ben: So, um, you guys are gonna be gone all day, and won't be back 'til tomorrow, right?
Jason: Well, it could last through to Monday, if 'yer maw' decides to bag herself a 'bar.'
Kent: Okay, let's get the gear loaded.
Maggie: Okay, goodbye boys. Take good care of each other.
Ben: Okay, I'll see you guys later. Be careful. Have fun, be safe.
Maggie: We will.
Jason: Make sure Chrissy goes to college.
Mike: Oh, dad.
Ben: All right, we'll miss ya!
Maggie: Oh! Come on, Jason, keep up. Oh, it's so exhilarating in this fresh, crisp air.
Jason: I have a rock in my shoe.
Maggie: Oh, what a perfect day to conquer your fears. Take a deep breath and step off the edge of the world.
