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Mike: Now, Luke, I'm telling you, the graphics on "chainsaw duel" are amazing. Okay, now, to attack you press that button.
Luke: Oh, I just crosscut your leg off!
Luke and Mike: Ohh! Eww!
Jason: Bills, bills, swimsuit edition of "Psychology Today." And here's a postcard for you, Luke. From your dad. You're not gonna read it?
Luke: These postcards are all the same. It's always a picture of the world's biggest something. A trout the size of an RV, a four-storey corndog…
Jason: You ever write him back?
Luke: And send it where?
Jason: Well. That is the biggest radish I have ever seen. I think you ought to take a look at this, Luke.
Luke and Mike: Ohh! Eww!
Luke: Sorry, Dr. Seaver, did you say something?
Jason: Looks like your dad is coming here to see you.
Jason: Is George here yet?
Mike: Dad, how do we know that he's not gonna kidnap Luke, and take him to some foreign country, and have plastic surgery done so we don't recognize him?
Jason: That's just a chance we're gonna have to take. Come on, Mike, has it ever occurred to you that Luke is looking forward to seeing his dad?
Luke: Isn't he here yet?
Jason: See?
Luke: I want to get this over with.
Jason: I'm sure he's gonna be here any minute now. He's got that big truck to deal with.
Mike: Yeah, he can't exactly park his 18-wheeler in front of our house.
Jason: Yeah.
Mike: Dad, dad. He, he's gonna try to parallel park that big rig.
Jason: He's not gonna make it. Trust me. He's not gonna make it. He made it.
George: Hello, everybody. I'm George.
Jason: Hi, George.
George: Hey, Luke.
Jason: Oh, uh, come in. Come in.
Luke: I can't believe you drove your truck here.
George: Uh, well, the valet at the Ritz Carlton wouldn't take it. (laughing) Uh, Luke, why don't you introduce me to your foster family.
Luke: Uh, this is Dr. Seaver.
George: Doctor!
Jason: Psychiatrist.
George: Ah. No shame in that. And you must be Mrs. Seaver.
Maggie: Oh, George, it's very nice to meet you.
George: Uh, excuse me, but you have the most gorgeous movie-star skin I have ever seen.
Maggie: Oh, George, that's a load of hooie, but Jason, take notes.
Jason: That is our daughter, Chrissy.
Chrissy: Pleased to meet you.
George: Ma'am.
Chrissy: His neck isn't red.
Jason: That's, uh, our son Mike. You know Mike.
Mike: Hey, uh, yeah, good to see you, George. It's a shame you can't stay long.
George: Well, actually, I do have a couple hours to kill before I deliver these tomatoes to Piscataway. I thought maybe we could go grab some breakfast.
Luke: I already ate. With my family.
George: I brought you something, uh, a little memento of your mother. God rest her soul.
Mike: Wow, George, you, uh, came all this way just to deliver something to Luke you could'a dropped in the mail?
George: Well, some things are too important to stick in the mail, like these snapshots of me and Luke and his mom.
Jason: Mike, do you want to help me, uh, straighten the picture over here on this wall?
Mike: No.
Jason: That wasn't a question.
George: Uh, it's of your first birthday, uh, your mom and I took you to see the world's biggest radial tire.
Luke: Thanks, I'll look at them later.
Ben: Dad, is mom making spaghetti for about 8,000 people? Yo, George Brower, loved that postcard from Bikini Beach. Man, those were the biggest….
Jason: Ben!
George: You're looking good, big buddy.
Ben: I hope the babes think so. I've got the most incredible party tonight.
Jason: Do you want to come over here and help me and Mike straighten out the pictures?
Ben: No.
Mike: It wasn't a question.
George: Luke, uh, I'm not here just because of the snapshots. After Jersey, I'm cutting through the Blue Ridge Mountains where the fireflies dance like a thousand shooting stars. What do you say, you keep your old man company?
Luke: Look, I thought I told you, I don't want to go live with you.
George: I'm not trying to take you away from these fine people. I just thought you might like a couple of weeks to get to know your dad better.
Luke: What, and work our way up to being strangers?
George: I won't push it. (sighing) Well, I appreciate your hospitality. It's, uh, time for me to haul my tomatoes out of here. I'll just, uh, leave you a crate of Mother Nature's finest juicy reds, and I'll be on my way.
Mike: Uh, thanks anyway, George, but we couldn't possibly accept.
Jason: Oh, Mike, free tomatoes.
Mike: Okay, thanks, George.
George: Uh, well, the crates on….it's on the porch.
Mike: (sighing) Well, that was short and sweet.
George: (screaming)
George: (screaming) Take it easy, guys. There's 47 muscles in the back, and every single one of mine is doing the watusi.
Mike: It's uh, its kind of interesting, don't you think, George, that your back went out just as you were getting ready to leave? Hey! Look out! A tarantula!
George: Trap-door or funnel-web species? Uh, nope, just an old hairball.
Luke: What are you doing?
George: I was, uh, just testing.
Ben: All right, we got a perfect three-course meal. Icy Mug root beer, pork rinds, and Uncle Salty cheese logs.
Mike: I betcha that looks good, doesn't it, George. I bet you can't wait to just dig in, huh?
George: Can't wait! Uh, if you could, uh, just scoot that right over here.
George: Thank you. Now I can almost see that food.
Jason: George, here's a friend of mine, Dr. Kramer.
Kramer: Hello, George.
Mike: Ten bucks says it's nothing serious.
George: (yelling)
Kramer: Looks like your back is in bad shape.
George: A darn sight prettier than those knobby knees of yours.
Kramer: Get in my office this afternoon. I need to take some X-rays.
George: Aw, it's just a back spasm. It'll clear itself right…(groaning)…sweet jelly bean on a rotgut potato.
Kramer: This will take the edge off his pain.
Jason: This'll take the rotgut out of his potato.
George: I don't have time for X-rays. I've got a truckload of tomatoes that's got to be in Jersey by tonight.
Mike: Well, I wish we could help out, George, but we don't know anyone who could drive a truck that size.
[truck horn]
Ben: Are you sure you can handle this thing?
Jason: Hey, it's a lot easier than driving that clinic bus full of screaming children. Ha! Tomatoes don't try to pants you at the intersection.
Ben: Can't we go any faster? Dad, what if I'm not back in time for the party.
Jason: Oh, come on, it's a three-hour trip each way, Ben. You're gonna make it in plenty of time. I'm going at a decent speed.
Ben: Then how come there's a pregnant cow passing us on the right?
Jason: Come on, Ben, relax. The reason I drafted you for this, is I thought it would be a nice outing for you and me.
Ben: Oh, the matching hats were a nice touch.
Jason: All right. Why don't we, uh, make up some names, and we'll talk CB talk, all right?
Ben: Maybe later; I don't want to peak too soon.
Jason: What do you want your handle to be?
Ben: Son of big hair.
Luke: You haven't touched your lunch.
George: Well, your buddy Mike keeps putting it just out of reach. Thank you. Luke?
Luke: What?
George: How's high school?
Luke: Why do you want to know?
George: I never saw one from the inside.
Luke: Yeah. Well, a lot of us have had tough breaks.
George: Playing balls?
Luke: I think I've thing to do.
George: Aw, come on, Luke, come…Please, God, tell me how to get through to my son.
Mike: You, uh, you talking to somebody, George?
George: Oh! (laughing) No, no. Just, uh, thinking with my mouth. You know they say the jaw muscles is the strongest in the whole body, but, uh, after 25 years on the road, I say it's the gluteus maximus. That's Latin for "big butt."
Mike: Yeah, yeah, I know. I teach French. Well, hey, come on, George. We gotta get going and, uh, get those X-rays.
