Jason: Mike, Carol. How does this sound for my first piece? The id, ego and superego, merging the self in a non fraternal world.
Mike: Ooh, I like that dad. That's great.
Jason: I think so, I like it. I'm excited.
Carol: You're kidding, you understood that?
Mike: Yeah, dad's writing an article about fraternities.
Maggie: Jason, is that a passive sentence?
Jason: Which one?
Maggie: That one. And that one, and this one with the word buzzword in it.
Jason: Pretty good huh?
Maggie: It's funny how some people don't like that word. As a matter of fact some people hate that word. Jason, lose the word.
Jason: Honey, it's not like this is the first time I've ever been published.
Maggie: Yes, that was for other psychiatrists, this is for actual people.
Jason: Why do you think I used the popular term buzzword darling??
Maggie: Cupcake, I'm just trying to give you the benefit of 20 years of journalistic experience.
Jason: And I appreciate that puppy toes and all the love it shows, but I'm going to continue to write about my proven scientific theory while you can confine yourself to writing about, I'm just going to say it. Waffles.
Maggie: Maybe I'll work on this tomorrow.
Jason: Me too. I'm kind of tired.

Jason: You're opening the window?
Maggie: It's a little stuffy in here.
Jason: Fine, have the house you want it Maggie. Don't worry about my stuff neck.
Maggie: I didn't know you had a stiff neck?
Jason: Oh no, I didn't mention it, because I was afraid you would want one too.
Maggie: Now what is that suppose to mean?
Jason: Oh nothing Maggie, just a little shrink wrap. The window will now be closed by me which yes I realize is a passive sentence Maggie, but it does get the job done. Stupid.
Maggie: Want me to do it?
Jason: Oh the authority on everything, yes.
Maggie: As a matter of fact, I am.
Jason: You shouldn't have closed the widow Maggie, now you will be uncomfortable.
Maggie: No Jason, because I will be much more comfortable sleeping on the cold hard floor than next to you.
Jason: Oh that's real mature Maggie. How am I going to sleep in this nice warm bed when you're down there?
Maggie: You made your nice warm bed now lie in it.
Jason: I won't and you can't make me.
Maggie: I can't believe you're doing this.
Jason: I'm doing it Maggie and I'm doing it all by myself and I'm doing it better than you.
Maggie: Fine!Jason: Fine.
Maggie: Goodnight!
Jason: Goodnight.
Mike: Guys we have had Belgian waffles, Mystique waffles, Mushu waffles, Waffles Rancheros. Does anyone know what the heck that was last night?
Chrissy: Liver onion waffles. Ughh!!
Carol: Knock it off you guys, we have to keep eating these waffles until mom finishes her column.
Maggie: Oh, I finished my column last night honey.
Carol: Then why are you ramming these stinking waffles down our throats!!??
Ben: Waffles!?
Luke: Yes! Excellent!
Carol: I'll get the cereal.
Ben: Ahh! Carol broke my glasses!
Carol: Well, what were they doing on my chair!!??
Ben: That's not important, the important thing is they're broken.
Maggie: Are you sure??
Ben: Yes! They're broken!
Mike: No they're not you nearsighted little weeny. They're just bent.
Ben: They're broken!
Maggie: Well sweetheart if your glasses are broken, a little masking tape will make them as good as new.
Ben: Masking tape!? Uhh… I was wrong, they're not broken, It's a miracle! I can see! I can see!
Jason: Good morning family.
Mike: Hey dad.
Jason: Dearest.
Maggie: My love. I will be taking my column back to Doug's office this morning, It'll be my pleasure to bring yours with me.
Jason: Oh how very thoughtful of you? But then you always are. Oh let me help you with that.
Maggie: Oh thank you Jason, how very thoughtful of you.
Jason: The least I could do. Watch your step. I'll get that.
Maggie: Thank you.
Jason: Ok.
Carol: My gosh!! Those two are ready to go for each other's throats.
Mike: Oh Carol, you sound like a broken record. They're just being lovey dovey.
Ben: Yeah Carol, newsflash maybe they're acting happy cause they're happy.
Luke: Yeah, has anyone heard an angry word out of them all weekend?
Chrissy: If they were really mad they could never hide it from us.
Maggie: Doug would like to see us at 3 o'clock is that ok for you?
Jason: Perfect, see you then.
Carol: There! Now do you see what I'm talking about!?
Mike: Judges?
Luke, Ben, Mike, Chrissy: Een!!

Ben: Well Kenny, my first day of geekdom is officially over.
Kenny: Ben, cool guys wear glasses too you know.
Ben: Yeah!?? Name 20.
Kenny: Woody Allen, Hays Forli Ciano, Aco…
Ben: Aco?
Kenny: My sister likes them.
Ben: She's 4 years old.
Kenny: What abut Clark Kent? He wears glasses and he has Lois Lane.
Ben: When he's Clark Kent he doesn't give him the time of the day, but as soon as though glasses come off, ba bing ba boom. Look over there it's Jessica Hart, I've had a crush on her since the fifth grade, she doesn't even know I'm alive. Don't breathe here she comes.
Jessica: Hi, aren't you in my third period English class?
Ben: Uhh...
Jessica: I recognize those cool glasses, are you new in school?
Ben: Yes.
Jessica: My name is Jessica, what's yours?
Ben: Kent, Clark Kent.
Jessica: You want to walk me to the bus Clark?
Ben: Sure. Ba bing ba boom.
Maggie: Doug, you slimy snake in the grass.
Doug: You walking Cupee Dog.
Jason: Stanton you old Toad.
Doug: Hey, take it easy I got feelings.
Jason: Sorry.
Doug: Sit. Maggie Malone, Jason Seaver. Talk to me!
Maggie: You old toad!??
Jason: I drew a blank.
Doug: No you stay where you are. I'm coming down there with a letter opener to cut out your heart and stomp on it. I love this business. One minute.
Jason: I guess it would be wrong for us to look at them.
Maggie: Yes., very unprofessional.
Jason: Whoa!! Mine doesn't have a mark on it!
Maggie: Mine does, it's covered in red ink.
Jason: Well that doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't like it.
Maggie: Jason, he used it as a coaster. I suppose a congratulations are in order?
Jason: Honey, believe me when I encouraged you to follow this thing through I never dreamed, well I dreamed, but I really didn't think…
Maggie: Jason I'm very happy for you.
Jason: I know you are. I'll make it up to you.
Doug: Ok, well where were we? Oh right. My wife tells me I'm too blunt with people. I'm trying to work on it. Jason, I love your tie.
Jason: Oh thank you.
Doug: Your column wanted to make me toss my cookies. Maggie make a few changes, we can get that in the morning edition.
Maggie: You're giving me the column?
Doug: Of course what did you think?
Maggie: Well I thought…
Jason: Well what did you she think she thought, you made marks on hers like a road map. Not even a comment on mine.
Doug: I only make marks on my second pass. I just couldn't face reading that again.
Jason: Well was there anything you liked about mine?
Doug: Uhhh…. Uhhh….Umm…
Jason: Ok, I get the picture.
Maggie: Oh Jason.
Jason: I got it, I got it. That's no problem, it's fine. That's ok , I'll see you at home.
Maggie: Honey.
Jason: Uh huh.
Maggie: Are you alright?
Jason: Oh yeah.
Maggie: You know after you left, part of me wanted to tell Doug to take his column and sit on it.
Jason: Well that wasn't necessary.
Maggie: Fortunately the part of me that spoke accepted the column. But I did tell hi I resented the way he treated you.

Jason: Well he was blunt, wasn't he, but he was right. I got a copy of your article Maggie, no buzzwords, no passive sentences, only sharp, intelligent, funny. Reminded me of the night I danced with Fred Estair.
Maggie: You never danced with Fred Estair.
Jason: Yes I did. I was watching Top Hat on TV. Fred got up and did some of those steps, made it look easy. I got up and did some of those steps, did a big kick and popped a hamstring. That's when I realized you have to be a real pro to make something so hard look so easy Maggie. And you are a pro.
Maggie: Oh Jason! Don't you think it's a little warm in here?
Jason: I will open the window.
Maggie: No no, not that kind of warm puppy toes.
Jason: Oh… that kind of warm.