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Jason: Freeze!!!
Maggie: Jason, what are you doing?
Jason: Me!?? Maggie what are you doing up!? It's 5:30 in the morning, I thought I heard a burglar.
Maggie: So you grabbed a coat rack??? What were you going to do? Take his rack?
Jason: If it came to that. Is that my famous grandma's dill bread?
Maggie: Yes, it's for dinner tonight, it has to rise for 14 hours you know.
Jason: I know this dinner is a big deal Maggie. But who in the right mind gets up at 5:30?
Mike: Good morning everybody! Hey this works in here.
Jason: Mike what are you doing up?
Mike: Well, I'm not teaching class today.
Jason: It's 5:30
Mike: It is?
Maggie: And your chipper.
Mike: I am?
Maggie: You were whistling
Mike: I was? Aww man I got to sit down, this is all Luke's fault.
Maggie: Who's Luke?
Mike He's one of my students, that little weasel. I mean it was bad enough when it was just him, now he's got everybody doing it.
Maggie: Talking back, cutting up.
Mike: No! Getting A's
Jason: Ungrateful little maggot.
Mike: No no, Dad I'm serious the number of A students in my class have doubled.
Maggie: Doubled!!??
Mike: Yeah, now I got 2
Maggie: Mike, that's great!
Mike: No it's not mom, look at me, I mean I use to be able to sleep in until noon, on a good day till three. Now I'm getting up when I use to go to bed. And I'm whistling.
Maggie: Hey Mike, about the dinner with Kate...
Mike: Oh Oh, yeah mom listen thanks for going through so much trouble, you know how special Kate is to me.
Maggie: I know, I'll expect you at 6:30?
Mike: Right! Wait, wait a minute, that's tonight!? What was I thinking scheduling it on a school night? Oh no what's happening to me!??
Jason: So mike has invited Kate here for dinner for the first time and you are preparing what? Let us see…The…OH!! The ten pound rib roast, the black peppercorn dinner's sauce, the caesar salad, and my grandmother's 14 hour dill bread. You don't like Kate do you?
Maggie: Why would you say a thing like that?
Jason: Because that's exactly the meal my mother use to make for you.
Maggie: Your mother never had anything to fear from me. I wasn't a glamorous fashion model slash actress that was about to lead you into a jet set world you couldn't possibly be ready for.
Jason: Jet set world!? Maggie, so far Kate's biggest modeling assignment has been the cover of a seed catalogue.
Maggie: Well if you ask me, she looked a little to comfortable holding that pitch fork.
Jason: It could end up as our daughter in law, I just want to make sure you two get this relationship off on the right foot.
Maggie: Jason, I got up at 4 stinking 30 in the morning and I'm cooking this stinking feast, if that doesn't say lovin from the oven, then I don't know what does.
Carol: Good morning!
Maggie: Good Morning!
Jason: Carol, what are you doing home again? You're supposed to be living at the dorm.
Carol: I had another fight with my roommate Bran.
Jason: About what?
Carol: About whether she unlocked the door and let me in. Hey what's with great grandma's dill bread?
Maggie: Kate's coming to dinner.
Carol: I thought you liked her?
Ben: Who's coming to dinner?
Carol: Kate.
Ben: Oh great! Do you think she will autography my seed catalogue?
Jason: Ben, Kate happens to be your brother's girlfriend.
Ben: I know that, but she's also a model and what kind of friends do models have? Babes. Maybe she'll introduce me to two friends and then they'll introduce me to two friends and so on and so on and so on.
Mike: Mr. Tedesco you didn't have to walk me to the store room, you could've just given me the keys.
Mr. Tedesco: Nonsense, only I understand the key coding system.
Mike: Blue key, blue lock right?
Mr. Tedesco: Don't breathe a word of this to anyone.
Mike: Uh, listen before you go, can you tell me where the bulletin boards are?
Mr. Tedesco: I have no idea, I haven't been in there since I shaved off my Fumanchu. Perhaps I shouldn't have shared that with you. Be sure to lock up when you leave. There's a stray cat roaming around the building , I will not rest until I catch it.
Mike: Did you try here kitty kitty?
Mr. Tedesco: Just because I opened up with you, it doesn't mean were friends.
Mike: Before we begin, I'd just like to point out that we have a new bulletin board with two "A" papers on it. Luke Brower, who is apparently too busy to be with us this morning and Jose Nunez.
Jose: If only ma were paroled to see this.
Mike: Ah... Mr. Brower.
Luke: Sorry I'm late Mr. Seaver.
Mike: That's the third time in a row Luke, maybe I should call 555-Deli and leave a wake up call?
Luke: Don't worry I only sleep in class.
Mike: Alright alright. Now, these are emergency notification cards, the office needs to know who to call incase of an accident.
Jose: How about Tyra Phillips, hey if I am going to get mouth to mouth, I want to enjoy it.
Mike: Alright alright. Just fill them out and pass them back. Ok people, this week I was asked to do some remedial work in French, so I did it and now I am going to teach it to you. Now let's think of a phrase we would like to translate into French.
Luke: Mr. Seaver, there is a beautiful woman at the door.
Mike: Good, perfect, now Seaver is the same in both languages, so we'll start with Mr. Seaver.
Luke: No no no, there really is a beautiful woman at the door.
Class: WOO!!!
Mike: OK! OK! Just parlez vous among yourselves. Hey Kate I'm in the middle of a class.
Kate: I know. I wouldn't bother you unless it was very urgent.
Mike: Ok! Ok! What is it?
Kate: Which one of these should I wear to your house for dinner tonight?
Mike: You're interrupting my class to talk to me about a dumb dress!!?
Kate: This isn't dumb. I want your family to like me especially your mother.
Mike: My mother does like you.
Kate: She can't. She's a college graduate, a successful career woman and a mother. To her I'm just a girl that dropped out of junior college to be a model slash actress.
Mike: Oh! Model slash Actress!!?? Kate! I couldn't even imagine those words coming out of my mother's mouth. I mean come on, stop worrying everything's going to be fine, I'm going to be there to make sure everything is ok.
Kate: Ok, just tell me which one.
Mike: Ok.
Kate: This one!?
Mike: Uh huh…
Kate: Or this one!?
Mike: This one.
Mike: Uhh, Mr. Tedesco, you sent for me? Listen can we make this kind of quick because I've got a big family dinner to go to tonight.
Mr. Tedesco: Seaver our entire system is on the verge of collapse.
Mike: What happened?
Mr. Tedesco: There is an emergency notification card missing from this stack.
Mike: Oh no! Should we use the code of silence?
Mr. Tedesco: The wolf of anarchy is at our door and you're feeding him kibble. There are 15 names on the roster and 14 cards. Brower, Luke is cardless.
Mike: I got a crazy idea, what do you say I have him fill one out tomorrow?
Mr. Tedesco: Impossible, directive nine, four, three dash six clearly states any distributee in the educational matrix.
Mike: Mr. Tedesco can we just cut to the chase?
Mr. Tedesco: I get his card by five or he's out on his undocumented keister.
Mike: He's one of my best students, I need his keister right where it is.
Mr. Tedesco: You needn't be crude. I'm sorry directive nine, four, three dash six clearly states.
Mike: I know, just relax, I got an idea. Ok, what was that number five five five, deli.
Mr. Tedesco: Mr. Seaver only I am authorized to use that phone.
Mike: Hello, So ho Pete's? This is Francis X. Tedesco and I need to speak with one of your employees Luke Brower. I think he's a waiter, well maybe a bus boy. You sure? Ok thank you. That's funny they never heard of him.
Mr. Tedesco: Neither have we, I just tried to pull his file, there isn't one.
Mike: His file is missing?
Mr. Tedesco: No, Luke Brower does not exist.
Mike: Well of course he does, he's in my class. He's one of my best students. I have an "A" paper of his on my bulletin board. Uhhh, Mr. Tedesco can I borrow your keys?
Mr. Tedesco: Seaver you're delirious.
Mike: Uhh. Hey look!! There's that cat you're after!!
Mr. Tedesco: Where!!??
Mike: There!! I'll seal off the hallway you call for backup!
Mr. Tedesco: Animal regulation? This is Francis X. Tedesco, we finally had a positive sighting on that cat I've been complaining about. Grab your cat nip, man your nets, the hunts afoot. That means get your raggedy keister down here right now.
