Mike: Luke!
Luke: Umm, Mr. Seaver, I'm looking for a new French book. I've got an outdated one. Let's see, here's the right book, now I can learn.
Mike: No no, never mind the book ,uh why don't you go ahead and explain this bed to me?
Luke: Aww!! Someone must be sleeping in here!!
Mike: I bet you can tell me who.
Luke: Ok I needed a place to crash for a couple of nights. I had a fight with my folks.
Mike: Well Josh, I know how that goes, I mean my folks…hey wait, a couple of nights!?? Luke look you got a lamp, you got books, you got cable!
Luke: I took advantage of the false subscription special.
Mike: No no, Hey hey! Hey come on now, why don't you tell me what's going on here!?
Luke: I don't have to tell you anything!!
Mike: Sure you do! I'm your teacher.
Luke: Huh! You should see yourself teach French you don't know one word of it.
Mike: Oh Oh Yeah!?? Garage, Restaurant, ooh la la. Hey there's five. Wait a minute, why am I defending myself? You're good.
Luke: Thanks.
Mike: You don't have any place to live do you?
Luke: Sure I do.
Mike: Oh ok! Fine fine, then why don't you just go ahead and fill out your address here and this emergency notification card.
Luke: Oh I'm not planning on having any emergencies.
Mike: We might and we need to get a hold of you.
Luke: I hope this doesn't mean I get any junk mail.
Mike: Seven twenty eight, west forty eight?
Luke: That's my house.
Mike: Really? This address is in the middle of the river.
Luke: House-boat. You're good too.
Mike: Thank you. Luke I can't believe you're living here.
Luke: Well, I am.
Mike: Well I don't get it, what about your parents!??
Luke: I don't have any and I don't need them. I am doing fine right here.
Mike: Luke, there's got to be some place better than this!!??
Luke: Yeah Yeah, Like where?
Mike: Like Like, some sort of city outreach happy sort of place!!??
Luke: I've tried all the happy places, this is better.
Mike: No, this can't be Luke, I mean this is New York, this is the city filled with brotherly love.
Luke: That's Philadelphia.
Mike: Oh, but Luke in a city like this the windy city.
Luke: Chicago.
Mike: Well my point is that you are entitled to a decent place to live and I know just how to get you one. Follow me. The city of hope.
Luke: Hospital.
Luke: Aww No no no, Tedesco is just going to turn me over to the Bureau of Child Welfare.
Mike: No No No, sit you can listen and I promise that is the one place we will not call.

Mr. Tedesco: You animal regulation people do nothing but pussy foot. That cat is prowling in this building with his jackal lantern eyes and his sand paper tongue. And I want him stopped!!!
Mike: Mr. Tedesco, I found him!
Mr. Tedesco: Hallelujah, where was he? Out in the hall?
Mike: No, in the store room.
Mr. Tedesco: Gnawing on a dead mouse I presume?
Mike: No no, but he was hungry, I mean I'm sure he doesn't have a home.
Mr. Tedesco: Well, Boohoohoo! He can't stay here.
Mike: Listen, can you just watch what you say, he's right outside the hall.
Mr. Tedesco: Oh forgive me, I wouldn't want to injure his oh so tender feelings.
Mike: I think he is quite worried about what might happen to him.
Mr. Tedesco: Well let me put his little mind to rest. They'll send a truck for you, run you downtown and throw you in a cage.
Mike: That sounds kind of harsh don't you think? I was kind of hoping that maybe he could be adopted.
Mr. Tedesco: Well maybe if he was young and cute. His age they'll keep him for two weeks, if no one wants him they'll put him to sleep.
Mike: That's the sickest thin I've ever heard!
Mr. Tedesco: Nothing. In the old days, they'd club it with a blunt object and cut him up for guitar strings.
Mike: We are talking about a 15 year old boy here!!
Mr. Tedesco: Stay with me Seaver, we're talking about a cat!
Mike: We're talking about Luke Brower, he's been living in the storeroom!
Mr. Tedesco: And the cat is his!!??
Mike: Would you forget about the cat!!! We have a homeless boy living here!!!
Mr. Tedesco: What!!?? This is a school, we can't have kids here!!! I'll call the bureau of child welfare.
Mike: No no no, I promised him we would do something else.

Mr. Tedesco: There is nothing else.

Maggie: Where is Mike?
Jason: Where the devil is Mike!?
Kate: Where the heck is Mike!?
Chrissy: I'm hungry! Where's Mike!?
Ben: I wonder if Kate knows any teenage babes?
Jason: Ha ha Imagine that, Kate you and Maggie both having the same dress.
Maggie: Really, I hadn't noticed.
Jason: Well their probably different sizes though… Not that that matters... uh… Where the hell is Mike?
Maggie: Well I think we've waited long enough. Kate, we know ho much Mike thinks of you so we're glad for this opportunity to welcome you to a real Seaver family dinner.
Kate: Why thank you Mrs. Sea-Maggie---Seaver.
Maggie: May I offer you a slice of Jason's grandmother's famous blue ribbon dill bread?
Kate: Does this bread have yeast in it?
Maggie: Yes, isn't it fluffy?
Kate: Oh I'm sorry, I'm afraid I don't eat anything with yeast.
Jason: Well I do, so I will and then we'll pass it to….
Maggie: What's the matter are you allergic to yeast?
Kate: No no, It's just that it can throw your whole system out of whack.
Ben: You know lately I've been thinking of giving up yeast. Would your beautiful friends give me some pointers?
Maggie: Here you go sweetheart..
Chrissy: I don't want to get whacky!
Maggie: Now Chrissy, your grandmother ate this bread everyday of her life for 95 years.
Chrissy: Why'd she stop?
Maggie: Well she died.
Chrissy: Pass.
Jason: Hey, there he is, there's Mike.
Maggie: Wonderful, I'll get the main course.
Everyone: Awwww!!
Chrissy: It's only Carol.
Carol: I got driven out of my dorm room. I don't like it any better than you guys do, deal with it. Oh, hi Kate.
Kate: Hi.
Carol: So where's Mike?
Kate: Umm he's late, very very late.
Carol: Well that's alright, we'll have a lovely time without him. I wonder if anyone will notice if I get up and leave right now.
Maggie: Well here it is, roast beef with all the fixings. Carol what are you doing here?
Carol: Mom, I'm your daughter, we love each other, will you people get off my back!!??
Maggie: They say the first slice is lucky.
Kate: Umm... Didn't mike mention my diet to you?
Maggie: Diet??
Jason: Now, why would an attractive young woman like yourself need to lose weight? I say come on, eat up.
Kate: No no no, it's not a weight loss diet. It's more of a way of life.
Maggie: You're a vegetarian??
Kate: No no, not exactly I just don't eat anything with a face. I'm sure the roast beef is wonderful but I just can't bear the idea that it use to be a cow.
Chrissy: A cow!!??
Maggie: Here you go sweetheart, you have always loved roast beef.
Chrissy: A cow!!???
Maggie: Kate, surely you can have some of the vegetables.
Kate: Oh, do you mind if I wash them off?
Maggie: I washed them off before I cooked them.
Kate: Yes, but they were cooked in the meat juice.
Maggie: I wasn't aware meat juice had a face.
Jason: Umm... Is there anything at all on the table that you can have?
Kate: Is this tap water?
Maggie: Yes.
Kate: Oh then….No.

Chrissy: So what do pork chops come from?
Carol: Well pigs.
Chrissy: And lamb chops are?
Ben: Beah!
Chrissy: Ah !!
Carol: You have absolutely no finesse, you butthead.
Kate: Well, thank you for going through the trouble and making the food and all.
Jason: Aww!
Kate: There was a time I would have really enjoyed it.
Maggie: Yes, well Mike should've told us your diet was weird. No no, not weird, face free.
Kate: Well you can't blame mike he's been so busy lately
Jason: Oh I'm sure he meant to tell us, it just slipped his mind.
Maggie: Yeah, cause normally he's the most responsible boy.
Jason, Maggie, Kate: I'm going to kill him!!
Kate: Oh good night.
Maggie: Yeah, good night Kate.
Jason: Good night Kate.
Kate: Oh gosh! That's a lovely variegated philodendron.
Maggie: Would you like me to heat it up for you?
Jason: Well Kate for a city girl you know a lot about plants.
Kate: I'm from Utica, my whole family's farmers.
Jason: You hear that Maggie, farm people, salt to the ear.
Maggie: Low sodium, I'm sure.
Jason: Why don't we walk Kate to her car? Shall we?
Kate: This has been great, next time you come to my place and I will cook for you.
Maggie: Well, the leaves will be falling off the tree soon. I'll bring desert.
Chrissy: Was chocolate a life?
Carol: No, honey.
Ben: Little bunnies at Easter.
Chrissy: Ah!!!

Mike: So this is how you eat!!? You just put on that apron and you steal food!!??
Luke: Yeah but I got to get a new apron cause the corn beef here is really fatty.
Mike: No more stealing, no more lies alright!!?? I can't let you live on a street like this!!
Luke: Oh you can't let me!!?? Well this morning I wasn't on the street. I had a place to sleep and a place to eat and a promising academic career. Now thanks to you I'm a homeless hungry dropout. Who are you? Charles Keeting!
Mike: It's just I want a better life for you than the one you've been living.
Luke: Is that right? Well you got any suggestions?
Mike: Alright, come on in.
Luke: Are you sure this is ok?
Mike: Yeah yeah, you can sleep in my sister's room. Don't worry it's fine she's away at college and you can talk to my dad in the morning.
Luke: I don't know.
Mike: Stop worrying, it's fine just go on upstairs, first door on the right and uhh… Sometimes she keeps this umm… big stuffed dog on her bed just shove it off and hop in.
Luke: Ok, good night.
Mike: Good night. Oh no! I missed dinner! Kate's going to kill me! Well at least nothing else can go wrong tonight.
Carol: Ah!!!!