Maggie: How could you forget that Los Angeles is in California? It is the corporate
headquarters of Laylanni's loo al on a stick.
Carol: Um mother. A word. You hurt, don't you?
Maggie: No.
Carol: Mum, this is me. Carol, your sensitive, perceptive daughter. Mum, it's ok. I know hwy
you are going through this pointless charade. To make up for the tragedy of those lost years.
But it's ok. Guilt has made women far better than you go insane.
Chrissy: Listen you rocks. Because of you she is going to want to try this on me. There goes
my socialization.
Ben: Hey look. I'm not too happy about this either. The last place I want to be is here.
Chrissy: Then do something about it. Run away from home. I'll pack you're clothes for you.
Maggie: Hey Ben, I want to see everything you missed today covered in your homework and
you will stay in your room until you know it back and forwards or you will rot like a bad melon.
And that is a simile that you can take to the man.
(door bell)
Mr. Dewitt: Mrs. Seaver, I could here you a block away. You know you would have made a
great teacher?
Maggie: Mr. Dewitt, if you have come to tell me that Ben needs socialization, or that he needs
to hang out with boys who snap towels or act goofy around females, or that I am doing this
only out of guilt: save it. I have heard it all.
Mr. Dewitt: Here, here, teach.
Maggie: What?
Mr. Dewitt: Mrs. Seaver, I have come here to applaud you. For the first time in my career I
have seen a parent do something right. You took control of your son's life when he needed it
most.
Maggie: Wow, thanks. Just when I was beginning to doubt myself.
Mr. Dewitt: All I can say is I wish that all the parents of all the students in all the classrooms
around the world, would take them home and teach them.
Maggie: But the you'd be out of a job.
Mr. Dewitt: I'm a city employee. I aint going nowhere. On the QT, my mummy taught me at
home for fourteen years and look how I turned out.
Ben: Uh mum, I'm too sick to stay at home today. I got to go to school.
Maggie: Ben, don't...it's ok honey. Go.
Ben: You re not arguing?
Maggie: No. It was a mistake teaching you at home. I'm sorry I ever got into it.
Ben: How could you say that? Come on, I was doing good wasn't I?
Maggie: Ben, just go to school. You're going to be late.
Ben: I don't want to go to school.
Maggie: Oh so now you want o stay at home?
Ben: I didn't say that either.
Maggie: Ben those are your two choices. Make up your mind.
Ben: Yeah I know. It's driving me nuts.
Maggie: What is?
Ben: Mum, I like studying with you. And I actually learn something. It's not real neat having
everybody calling me stupid.
Maggie: Who calls you stupid?
Ben: It's my image. It's what I do. It's what I am.
Maggie: I don't like that.
Ben: I don't like it either. But you know, I'll tell y you what's worse. having all those guys
calling me a mum's boy.
Maggie: Who's saying that?
Ben: They all are mum. When they walk by the house dragging the bat against the fence, they
are saying it. When I hear tires squeal late at night, it's meant for me mum. I just don't
know what to do mum. I mean it's really neat having you all to myself. Its really neat not
feeling dumb.
Maggie: You did like being here with me?
Ben: Shhh! They could show up at any time. They've been known to hide in bushes.
Maggie: Well you are more trouble than you are worth young man.
Ben: Hu!
Maggie: You are too dangerous for public school and you can just tell your friends I said so.
Ben: I'm not dangerous.
Maggie: Such things wouldn't be said about a mum's boy, would they?
Ben: Oh. So I could like go to school here and no one would have to know that I am actually
liking it?
Maggie: That's right honey.
Ben: Honey!
Maggie: I mean dead beat. You are too wild to be let loose on the streets.
Ben: Thank you.

Maggie: You are welcome. This isn't going to be any picnic young man.
Ben: Are we still acting or should I be worried.

(Flashback)
Ben: Mum, how come you had to go back to work?
Maggie: I didn't have to go back to Ben. I wanted to. Come here. Ben, imagine you had to
spend fifteen years in this house without ever going out to play. You'd go crazy wouldn't you?
Well believe it or not, a lot of grown ups feel the same about work.
Ben: That's sick mum.
Maggie: Ben I know this has been a big change for all of us. And I worry about not being here
for you because, well, you are the youngest. And I worry about not being here for Carol
because she's a girl and she needs her mother. And I worry about not being here for Mike, to
stop him from accidentally blowing something up. And believe me, I worry about leaving your
father here to cope with all you monsters.
Ben: You shouldn't worry so much Mum, You'll make yourself crazy.