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Ben: Wow. look at all those things crawling around.
Maggie: They are called micro organisms.
Ben: And they all live in the wad of my spit?
Maggie: That's right.
Ben: Wow. Kind of makes you think twice about swallowing, doesn't it.
Maggie: Imagine what happens when you kiss a girl.
Ben: Yeah, that...mum!
Maggie: Oh lunch time. You get another ten minute free period.
Ben: Where did you learn all this stuff Mum?
Maggie: In college.
Ben: You went to college?
Maggie: Oh what did you think? You think I was making all this up?
Ben: I wasn't sure.
Maggie: Well I'm not.
Ben: Well how can I reuse something like what's in my spit, or where Massachusetts is?
Maggie: Well, let's say you wanted to go to a Celtics game. Without Massachusetts, you don't
stand much of a chance.
Ben: Well, they could be on the road in Philadelphia which is in Pennsylvania, or Denver
which is Colorado, or Chicago which is in Illinois.
Maggie: Ben, I do believe you are learning.
Ben: And I am getting a nice trim fanny.
Maggie: Honey, I'm so sorry that all I have is Jane Fonda tapes.
Ben: That's ok mum. Actually, I kind of like watching all those women in tight... What's for
lunch?
Maggie: Hi honey, how was your day?
Jason: Well, people are losing their minds at an alarming rate, which leaves us sitting pretty.
Maggie: Look at this.
Jason: What's that?
Maggie: I gave Ben a test to see what he's learnt these past two weeks and he passed every
course.
Jason: Carol's as ugly as a butt?
Maggie: Oh honey, I am so proud of him. You should see him and he's actually enjoying
learning and we are getting along so well and I'm sorry I'm gushing.
Jason: Gush, gush!
Chrissy: Hi mum. Hi dad. Bye mum. Bye dad.
Jason: Is it me or is Chrissy starting to smell like roast pork?
Maggie: Chrissy, what do you have under your jacket?
Chrissy: It wasn't my idea. Veto said Ben's got to have this. He's gone two weeks without it
and he must be going crazy by now.
Jason: Chrissy go to your room. On second thought, go sit on the front porch and air out.
Maggie: What's that?
Jason: Leylanni cloven hoof special. Honey, she's right next to my barber. Look, there is a
greasy note in there.
Maggie: Ben, the long nightmare is over. See you at leylanni's on Monday for shop class.
Signed veto and the coconut boys. I was kidding myself Jason. He won't last a day in that
school.
Jason: Oh com eon honey. Just a minute ago you were gushing. You don't know if he's going
to revert to his old ways. Maybe you've given him the strength to resist that kind of temptation.
Ben: Hey mum, I wanted to talk to you ......alright. Leylanni's clove hoof special. Oh yeah. Did
Leylanni deliver em herself with her wicky wicky wagon?
Maggie: Oh!
Jason: Hm hm.
Maggie: Oh!
Jason: Hm Hm.
Maggie: Oh!
Jason: Yeah yeah what?
Maggie: Oh I can teach Ben at home.
Jason: What?
Maggie: Honey we don't have to send him back to the coconut boys and who knows what on a
stick.
Jason: Honey, you are not a teacher.
Maggie: No, no, Jason. I was for two weeks and he's done better than he has in weeks.
Jason: But I'm sure there are some legalities,
Maggie: So we'll get a lawyer. I'm just talking about for the rest of the semester. I Just, Jason
I just want Ben to know how really good he is and that he's not a dummy.
Jason: Well there's a lot more to school than the academics Maggie. There is socialization.
Maggie: Oh, socialization! Is that what you call three guys starring at a girl in a coconut bikini?
Jason: Was when I was growing up.
Maggie: Jason, right now Ben needs to focus on learning. He could be lost forever if he doesn't
start now.
Jason: Honey, its a lot different teaching for two weeks than teaching for two months.
Maggie: Well that's what I'm counting on Jason. I mean I want to be there for him like I
wasn't...before.
Jason: You really believe in this don't you?
Maggie: Jason, we've gotten so close in the last two weeks. I just, I just don't want to lose
that.
Jason: Well Ben's counting on going back to school tomorrow.
Maggie: Wwell I'll tell him at breakfast tomorrow. He's easier to handle before he's been fed.
Chrissy: Wo! How come you are wearing good clothes for school?
Ben: Cos all my dirty clothes are dirty.
Chrissy: It's ok. I was nervous my first day too.
Ben: Hey, I'm not nervous.
Chrissy: Then how come you re up before the good cartoons are on?
Ben: Hey, leave me alone. Ok.
Chrissy: Nervous. Very nervous.
Ben: Yeah. I can't wear this to school, this is weenie junk.
Maggie: Ben, you are up early and you are dressed like such a little gentleman.
Ben: Look mum, I got to go change for school.
Maggie: Ben, uh, I wanted to talk to you about school.
Ben: Well what about it?
Maggie: Ben, what you have learned in these two weeks has made me so proud. What would
you say if, uh, you didn't have to go back to school?
Ben: You mean I learned so much I graduated?
Maggie: No Ben. I'm saying that you have done better in these two weeks than you have ever
done at Dewey. And how would you feel about just going to school here at home?
Ben: Mum, this isn't funny.
Maggie: Ben, I saw you actually excited about doing schoolwork. I mean you and I had fun
together.
Ben: Shhhh. Mum if my friends heard you say that they'd laugh at me. You know what they
are going to do when they find out I'm going to Mummy High?
Maggie: Honey, I really think it's for the best. And underneath I think you do too. I mean can
you honestly tell me, can you honestly say that you can hang out with Veto and the Coconut
Boys and not get into trouble?
Ben: I certainly...I most certainly Carol...So this is what I get for my two weeks of hard work?
More punishment?
Maggie: Ben, when you're older you'll understand.
Ben: I won't be getting any older. Mummy's boys have a short life span.
Jason: I see he took the news well.
Maggie: Jason, I firmly believe that underneath it, deep, deep, deep within his soul, he knows
this is for the best.
