Jason: Ho ho ho. I'm so hungry I could eat a horse. I'm in luck.
Maggie: Well playing mind games on your son sure makes you giddy.
Jason: I can't help it. I'm sorry, I just imagine all those doors being slammed in his face and I
get goose bumps. Here, feel.
Maggie: Why don't you let yourself go? Maybe he got hit by a bus.
Jason: Hopefully the school bus. I'm kidding Maggie, but we had no choice.
Maggie: We! I wasn't consulted.
Jason: The reason I didn't consult you was that I didn't think you'd agree with me.
Maggie: Well damn right I wouldn't agree. It makes me feel bad to wish for my son's failure.
Jason: Honey with his dreams of acting and the odds against that, he's just going to have his
hopes and dreams crushed. And who better to crush them that the people who love him most?
Maggie: Well maybe if he finds out that sometimes your dreams don't work out, he'll finally
concentrate on school.
Jason: So we are agreed?
Maggie: Yeah, we are agree.
Jason: Now when he comes in here all disappointed and down and hurting and everything,
don't you go giggling.
Maggie: I won't.
Jason: Good. Ha ha ha. Some days I love being a parent.
Mike: Mum, dad!
Jason: Think bad thoughts, think bad thoughts.
Mike: Mum, dad, the best news you've ever heard in your whole life. And mum, that's not an
age joke.
Jason: What is it?
Mike: Ok dad, remember that soap opera audition you told me about? For the part of the
lovable doofus?
Jason: You got the part, didn't you?
Mike: No, no. I was a terrible doofus.
Jason: Thank god. Don't scare me like that.
Mike: But look, they said that I had something special. They said I was an interesting type. They said that I am the new leading man on Big City Secrets!
Maggie: Wo! Wo! Wo! Yeah!
Mike: Yeah. Dad and I owe it all to you.

Carol: Mum wants to know if you are sure you don't want any dinner?
Jason: No.
Carol: Mum! He's pouting.
Ben: Hey dad. Do you mind if I watch the women's wrestling before I buckle down and study?
Jason: Nope.
TV: Ladies and gentleman. Particularly the gentlemen. That's what I like to call a leg lock.
Jason: Ben is there anything that you are interested in that you might want me to encourage?
Ben: Nothing.
Jason: Ben promise me that they day will never come that you will stop listening to me? Ok?
Ben: Hu?
TV: Are there no rules of decency?
Jason: Actually this women's wrestling is a little distracting Ben. Go!
Chrissy: Hi Daddy.
Jason: Hi sweetheart.
Chrissy: I've been thinking, I want to be an actress like Mike.
Jason: Hu?
Chrissy: Mum put me up to it.
Maggie: Thank you sweetheart.
Chrissy: It's ok. I enjoyed it.
Maggie: Sweetheart, I merely wanted to demonstrate that things could be worse.
Jason: Honey we've lost him. I mean he's never going to go back to school. he's not going to
get an education. I mean sure, maybe this job will last a year, two years, maybe three years.
But then what is he going to do?
Maggie: Oh honey, you should have a little faith. I mean maybe, maybe, he'll be a celebrity. I
mean there is always a call for someone to open a supermarket, or host a beauty pageant, or
be a grand martial of a parade.
Jason: Call that a life?
Maggie: I know, I know. I feel as badly as you do. well, maybe not as bad a you do because it
wasn't my hair brained idea.
TV: I'll tell you what I've learned tonight. Once a woman finds a weakness, she jumps all over
it.

Lady: If you don't hold still, you are likely to get a pin stuck some place that could be detrimental to your career as a leading man.
Mike: A leading man.
Lady: You're done.
Mike: Thanks.
Kate: There he is.
Security guard: Anywhere else you'd like to go without a pass? I'll take you there.
Kate: Well thank you Dave.
Security Guard: Not my name, not my shirt.
Kate: Mike!
Mike: Kate hi, what a surprise! Good to see you.
Kate: I just wanted to tell you I am so happy for you.
Mike: Oh thank you. Thank you.
Kate: The gang at Sullivan's dedicated "on Broadway" to you last night.
Mike: Oh really.
Kate: A star. You are starring on a soap opera.
Mike: I know. I can't believe it either.
Kate: Oh that reminds me.
Mike: A Christmas tree ornament?
Kate: No. It's a star for your dressing room.
Mike: Oh thank you Kate. Hey hey hey look. I'm really sorry I got mad at you. and just for the
record, you were right. I mean I really should have told you Dad that I was ducking that class
three months ago.
Kate: Michael, I do believe you are growing up.
Mike: Kate, do you remember that television actor on that old show, uh, Law Force?
Kate: Yeah, the eon e with the broad shoulders?
Mike: No, no, no. The one with the cute butt. Lionel Douglas. Do you want to meet him?
Kate: He's here?
Mike: Yeah, he's a buddy of mine. He was going for a role in the same show. I guess it worked
out for him too. Hey Lionel! My man! How's it going?
Lionel: Who are you?
Mike: You remember yesterday at the audition?
Lionel: Au yes, that's right. You are the Seaver kid.
Mike: That's right.
Lionel: I understand you got the role of Strom Waverly.
Mike: The third. Yes, so who did you get? The second?
Lionel: Not exactly.
Lady: Are you my doofus?
Lionel: Yeah. It's too small. I'm going to look silly.
Lady: My job is done.
Mike: You, you're playing the doofus?
Lionel: Yeah. My agent and I. we both talked about this and we decided that what my career
needs right now is a good character role. You know, something that really shows my range.
Mike: Oh. Co is thought a big famous actor like you would be pretty bummed out over such a
nothing part.
Lionel: You smug little flash in the pan.
Mike: What did I say?
Lionel: Look! I got to take this job cos it's the only thing I got. But don't expect I'm going to
take any crap from you.
Mike: Hey man. I'm sorry.
Lionel: Yeah. Well come talk to me after you've won an EMI and no one will hire you. And then
come see me when everyone starts asking you who you used to be.
Kate: Mike, it's not your fault.
Mike: Man, he was really upset.
Kate: I don't think he meant it. I mean I'm sure you'd say a lot of things you didn't mean if
you were a big star and then ended up on the bottom.

(Mike's day dream)
Mike: Hi I'm Mike Seaver rand I'm here to...
Receptionist: Over there.
Girl: Oh! Wow! Wow! That old show Big City Secrets. You're Mike Seaver.
Mike: Easy kid, you're going to explode.
Girl: Oh god. I loved that show. I never missed a single episode. It was because of you I went
into acting. Oh god, you are awesome. What ever happened to you?
Receptionist: Alright! Alright! Who is here to read for the part of the Gadabba?
Girl: You! But a person who has starred in his own network series would never try out for a
part so, so stiff.
Mike: That's what I thought too.
Kate: So Mike, where do you want to go celebrate?
Mike: I don't know.
Kate: Hey! Forgot your star.

Jason: Maggie! Maggie! This horseshoe cake is hmm, hmm good.
Maggie: So you got your appetite back?
Jason: Not only that Maggie, but I've got a new plan. I call it plan B.
Maggie: Oh no.
Jason: No, no, this isn't like plan A. That was kind of half baked. Not that it was a mistake.
Cos I believe we had to go through plan A to get to where we are now.
Maggie: And where is that Jason?
Jason: Well you are going to love this because....and its simple Maggie, so simple, simplicity.
Just like all great ideas. the wheel. Starting with the wheel. Square was bumpy. Round was...
Maggie: Just say it.
Jason: Ok. Ok the idea Maggie; we pay Mike to go to school. I know I know. I couldn't speak
when I thought of it either. We just have to cut back on a few things Maggie. No more expensive dresses. No more visits to the hair salon. No more expensive jewelry.
Maggie: Uh hu. And how much are you prepared to pay Mike to go to school?
Jason: Every cent that we have. What do you think?
Maggie: Jason, you have done it again.
Jason: Yeah. Right, do you want to be part of telling him this new idea.
Maggie: No, no, no.I don't want to lose the basis for any future legal action.
Mike: Dad. Hey, you got a minute?
Jason: Yeah I do Mike. I do. As a matter of fact I kind of wanted to talk to you. Oh issue of
my loins. See I've been thinking.
Mike: I've been thinking.
Jason: What?
Mike: No, go ahead.
Jason: Go ahead first. Ok, I'll go first. Mike, how would you like to make some big, big money
at home?
Mike: Uh, well, I really don't know if I'm going to have any time between my job and school.
Jason: But just hear me out Mike, and I think you are going to make time because you...what
do you mean? What do you mean school?
Mike: Yeah. That's what I wanted to talk to you about dad. You see um, I've really been
thinking, and I've been thinking, you know, I guess it couldn't hurt to, to, go back and finish
college. You know, I mean, I'm really not going to be that busy. Cos the soap opera I'm
working on has got sixteen leading men, and my character's not really coming out of a coma
for the next two or three months. And besides, acting is, acting is really not that secure. And I
think I should have something to fall back on.
Jason: You're mocking me aren't you Mike?
Mike: No. No. Dad, I'm not. Really. I mean that I think I've finally got what you've been saying
to me all this time about having a little security.
Jason: What do you mean you're finally just getting it now?
Mike: Dad, I'm just sorry I didn't listen to you sooner.
Jason: Well uh, ok.
Mike: Well uh, what were you saying about big big bucks at home?
Jason: Oh, that was chores, you know. Mowing the lawn, minimum wage.
Mike: Oh. Hu.
Jason: Maggie! Mike's going back to college. Ahooga chacku yeah yeah!
Maggie: Exactly how much are we paying you to go back to school?
Mike: Paying me to go to school?
Jason: Yeah, that was one of your mother's half baked ideas.