Maggie: Sweetheart. Paris!
Jason: If you don't mind, excuse me.
Maggie: Oh honey, it's so pretty. Look!
Maggie: Jason smile, we're here.
Jason: Yeah, four hours late. Whatever happened to our free your bus?
Maggie: Well to tell you the truth sweetheart, I kind of enjoy being alone with you.
Jason: Yeah, me too. What's the French word for receipt?
Maggie: Jason, it's only a cab ride.
Jason: yeah, but who knows what round about route this criminal's taking us on.
Cab driver: the French word for receipt is receipt.
Jason: Ah. Oh!

Maggie: Honey, just sit back and enjoy the ride. Jason: I'll sit back. I can't promise I'll enjoy
myself.
Maggie: Oh look, the Eiffel Tower!
Jason: Big stinking deal.
Maggie: The Rue de l'esperant, that means our hotel should be right there. Honey, we can't
stay here. What do we do?
Jason: I don't know.
Cab Driver: Monsieur, Madame, perhaps while you are discussing this, I will renew an old
acquaintance.

Girl 3: Ola. Esta telephone aqui?
Man: Si.
Girl 3: Gracias.
Mike: Pst!
Girl 3: Ah!
Mike: Look, look. I don't think it's safe for me to be out in the open like this. Somebody in this
town wants to kill me.
Girl 3: Yeah, me.
Mike: What do you mean?
Girl 3: Mike, the tour we're on. The tour you run. It's gone bust. We have no transportation,
no hotel, no meals.
Mike: So this is no way affects our beach time.
Girl 3: Goodbye.
Mike: Whe, whe, where are you going?
Girl 3: To find a phone. I want to see if at least our return air tickets are good.
Mike: You know, I was just about to do the same thing.
Girl 3: Si, si. Muchos gracias por su et ida. Gracias.
Mike: well, what did they say? Are our tickets good?
Girl 3: Yeah, they are still good, and any travel agent in Barcelona will exchange them for a
flight out today.
Mike: Yeah!
Girl 3: For fourteen hundred dollars!
Mike: What?
Girl 3: Each. For coach. Eighteen hundred dollars first class.
Mike: Wow. It's going to be so tough flying coach after getting used to first class. Come on. It
was only a joke.
Amy: Don't you get it Mike? We are stranded in Europe. We have a pair of tickets that are
good only in Paris, in six days. A city five hundred miles away.
Mike: Actually, I believe here you use kilometers.
Amy: What was I expecting from a guy who doesn't know the difference between Francs and
hot dogs?
Mike: I sure do. Francs are ones with the little knots on the ends. By the way, you shouldn't
eat those. Fine, you weren't the only victim here. I mean this trip was supposed to be my
reward for selling more tickets than anybody else. I mean, I even booked my parents into the
worst hotel in Paris.
Amy: You misled your own parents, just to sell a tour?
Mike: Misled. Hey, my parents wanted a little romance in their tour. I'm sure they'll find
some.
Amy: And I suppose you did the same for a girl interested in culture.
Mike: Oh sure. There was this one girl, she only wanted to see graves and museums. I mean
if it had a pulse, she wasn't interested,
Amy: Was her name Amy Boudelier?
Mike: Yeah. Hey how did you. Oh.
Amy: I hate you. I hate you.
Mike: we are Americans. Let set an example.
Amy: You make me sick.
Mike: hey look.
Amy: I spent every penny I had on this sham of a tour, because of you. And I am not the kind
of girl who can just go call daddy to help me out.
Mike: Hold that thought.

Carol: I'm going to go get the paper.
Ben: Oh, don't let your weekend peak too early Carol.
Carol: Ben, where's grandma and grandpa?
Ben: Upstairs giving Chrissy a bath.
Ed: Come back here you little...
Chrissy: No!
Ed: Christine!
Grandma: Bennie, while the waters warm, you want to hop in the tub? I'll do your back.
Ben: Ok.
Grandma: Oh, and Carol, as soon as I finish with Bens back, you and I are going to go
through your make up drawer and throw out the trash.
Carol: Swell
(Phone rings)
Carol: Hello. Hello. Could you speak up please? Si, hablo un poco d'espanol. (Yes we'll pay for
calls)
Mike: Look, ask for my sister Carol. She's a language geek like you.
Amy: Me gusteria hablo con Carol.

Carol: Estes Carol.
Amy: Carol.
Mike: Ok, tell her I need some money, so I need the number of mum and dads hotel...wait a
minute, Carol speaks English, so do it. Hey Carol,
Carol: ola. So how's Europe Mike? I'm not there you know.
Mike: Carol, look, I need the number of mum and dads hotel in Paris. Alright, it's an
emergency. I'm stranded and the tour company's gone bust.
Carol: Hold on Mike, I've got another call.
Mike: No Carol don't.
Carol: Hello.
Jason: Carol, this isn't cheap so I'm going to make this quick. We will not be staying in the
hotel in Paris that's on our itinerary.
Carol: So how' Europe, I'm not there you know.
Jason: Carol!
Carol: please o please tell me what a wonderful time you're having.
Maggie: How's everybody?
Jason: How's everybody?
Carol: Well,
Ed: Chrissy, put these shoes on.
Carol: Chrissy's running through the house naked screaming and uh, bens taking a bath with
grandma.
Jason: Everything's fine. Listen something has happened on this crummy tour.
Carol: I heard.
Jason: From who?
Carol: Mike. I have him on the other line.
Jason: Oh yeah. Well the next time he sells anything, you tell him. Wait a minute, is he calling
collect? Oh he's standing there on hold right now soaking up my money?
Carol: And no doubt enjoying it.
Jason: Oh well now what you tell him is...I can't win this one.
Maggie: just give her the number of the hotel and let's go.
Jason: Listen, the number of the hotel is...
Chrissy: ha ha ha.
Jason: Zero, and the name of the hotel is the…
Maggie: George six.
Jason: The George six. It's the most expensive hotel in the whole of Paris. Oh.
Carol: Hello, dad, you still there? Hello.
Mike: Carol.
Carol: Mike, are you still there.
Mike: Yep, just standing here soaking up dad's money. To tell you the truth, I kind of enjoy it.

Right, so why did you call me?
Maggie: Jason, I remember twenty years ago when it was a thrill just to go to the bathroom in
this hotel.
Jason: it still is. Ho ho. Va Va Va Voom.
Maggie: From the shop downstairs.
Jason: Wow!
Maggie: Only fifteen hundred francs. What do you think?
Jason: Honey, it's gorgeous.
Maggie: You didn't wince at the price.
Jason: Yeah, well that's because I don't know the exchange rate today and I'd like to keep it
that way for a while.
Maggie: Honey, you're being so sweet about all the money we're spending.
Jason: Well the important thing is that we are together. And we're in Paris, and it's our
anniversary. So, happy anniversary.
Maggie: Happy anniversary.
Jason: When you were down buying that, I bought you something that I'd kind of like to see
on you.
Maggie: Jason! Oh! Urghhh!
Jason: Remind me to tip that doorman.

Mike: It's ringing, it's ringing. When my mum finds out that her little boy is in trouble, heck I
can just here her now.
Maggie: Jason,
Jason: Yes, yes, yes sweetheart. It's appendicitis but we're taking you to the hospital.
Everything's going to be fine.
Maggie: Oh sweetheart, you should know the dress really cost three thousand francs and
that's six hundred dollars.
Jason: Ewwww!
(Phone ringing)
Mike: Mum, I'm stranded in Spain with a crazy woman. I'm practicing. Not that it isn't true.
Mike: Hey, you know the least you could do is do your part.
Amy: I don't like this.
Mike: ok, just look uncomfortable. That's perfect.
Maggie: Oh honey, I've ruined our romantic trip.
Jason: Oh, you haven't ruined anything. We're together and we are in Paris. Hey voila!