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Jason: Well I loved it, and I generally don't like musicals, right Maggie?
Maggie: Oh you loved La Cage au Folles.
Jason: Yeah, but that wasn't for the music; I like men in dresses.
Maggie: Jason!
Carol: Don't anybody look, but that cute waiter has been staring at me all night long. Oh my
God, here he comes...here he comes. Shh.
Waiter: If you need anything else, anything at all, just whistle.
Jason: It's the hair cut.
Mike: Hey, maybe you should get yourself a flat-top, Carol.
Carol: Can we just finish our desserts and go home please.
Maggie: Oh, don't talk like that honey. You just saw the hottest play on Broadway.
Wally: Oh, that what it was?
Urma: You didn't like it!
Wally: It blew.
Jason: Well I thought it was fascinating.
Wally: You got some drool on your lip.
Jason: Maggie, help me out here. Why do I even bother? Coffee!
Maggie: Oh, honey, you don't need any more coffee.
Jason: No, I don't need it, I want it.
Maggie: Too much coffee and your up all night, and neither one of us wants that. Honey, you
know what I mean.
Jason: No, that's fine, Maggie, that's fine. I wouldn't have more coffee now if you begged me.
Urma: Well, I don't know why you even go to the theatre.
Wally: Well, because you make me.
Ben: It wasn't so bad. I liked the girls in the shower scene.
Carol: They were wearing tights, you little perverts.
Ben: They were? Oh, look, Wally's right, this play blew.
Jason: Alright Mike, you're the drama student, what did you think?
Mike: Well, they were pretty realistic tights, Dad.
Urma: Well, you could have at least tried to enjoy it for me.
Wally: Well I did try. I snuck in beers and everything.
Urma: I'm serious.
Wally: Well, fine, you wanna talk serious; why don't you try enjoying the things I like?
Urma: I'm sorry, I don't like making sausage at home.
Wally: Yeah, but you sure enjoying eating it.
Urma: Don't you raise your voice to me!
Maggie: Wally, Urma, please, people are staring.
Wally: What? You never been ragged on by a wife before?
Maggie: Oh, hi Margot. Everything OK?
mar Great. Chrissy was an angel.
Maggie: Oh, good.
mar Oh, Carol, some guy called for you.
Carol: Right, even the babysitter makes fun of me.
mar I'm serious.
Ben: Hi, I'm Ben Seaver. I don't believe we've met, and in two years I should out-grow this
goofyness.
Jason: Ben, go to bed.
Ben: You bet I will.
Jason: Ben!
Maggie: Here you go, Margot. And Doctor Seaver will give you a ride home.
Mike: Ah, no need. No need, Mom. I'd be happy to take Margot home.
mar Err...well it's quite a distance.
Mike: Oh, I don't mind. See you guys.
Jason and Maggie: Good night.
Mike: Good night.
Jason: Ah, to be young again.
Maggie: Oh, honey, you're not that old.
Jason: Ha. I wasn't talking about me.
Maggie: What?
Jason: I wasn't talking about you either.
Maggie: Yes you were...
Jason: No, you're so young...
Maggie: You're always doing this...
Maggie: Got you! I got you!
Jason: Oh, stop, stop, stop.
Maggie: Oh, Jason.
Jason: Oh, you're hurting me.
Maggie: What, are you afraid of a little tickle?
Jason: No, I'm afraid you're gonna crush my legs.
Maggie: Oh, honey, you're asking for it.
Jason: Yeah, in my own special way.
Maggie: Oh, you're kind of cute when you're stupid.
Jason: Oh, yeah, then this is gonna be Carol:...crazy.
Maggie: Has our marriage really come to this?
Jason: I think quite a while ago.
Maggie: Oh, but you're so frisky tonight.
Jason: Well, I just treated my family to a wonderful evening of theatre and dinner, it makes a
man proud.
Maggie: Oh, honey, I don't think your mom and Wally had so much fun.
Jason: Yeah, I sensed a little tension there.
Maggie: Tension! They were ready to rip each other's spleens out.
Jason: Yeah. Ha ha ha.
Maggie: You're happy about this, aren't you?
Jason: No, no, I'm not happy, Maggie. I'm just kidding around. I mean, if I thought that my
mother were ever gonna be hurt, if ever there were any real problems there with her, well, I
don't know, I don't know what I'd do.
Maggie: You know, honey, Wally really is a pretty good guy.
Jason: Yeah. Well he's not good enough for my mom.
Maggie: Well who would be?
Jason: My Dad...rest his soul.(Phone rings) Hello. Oh, hi Mom. Yeah, no, we were just getting
ready... Huh? Tonight? OK, no, I'll be right there. Alright. Bye.
Maggie: What is it?
Jason: She's leaving Wally.
Maggie: What?
Jason: She wants me to come right over and pick her up. Maggie, this is terrible.
Maggie: Oh, honey, what are we gonna do?
Jason: Let's make love.
Maggie: What's that got to do with anything?
Jason: Why not just say yes, and I'll find a way to tie it in?
Maggie: Oh.
TV: This concludes our broadcasting day. Stay tuned for the National Anthem by Miss Rosanne
Bar.
Maggie: That was close.
Urma: Well, let's see how he survives on his own. Let's see what he does without his clean
underwear. Let's see if he can find his teeth.
Jason: Oh, Mom, you're exaggerating. I'm sure Wally won't have any trouble finding his teeth.
Maggie: Urma, this may not be my place but it was just an argument in a restaurant.
Urma: It wasn't just this argument. Don't you ever have a moment where it occurs to you that
you're married to the wrong person?
Maggie and Jason: Oh, it's only natural.
Urma: Well, it just points out that we have absolutely nothing in common.
Maggie: Oh, Urma, well you're welcome to stay here and live here with us as long as you want
to.
Urma: Two days should do it.
Maggie: Pardon me?
Urma: Well you people act as if I'm headed for divorce.
Jason: Oh, I...I...I'm confused.
Urma: What's confusing? Two days on his own will teach him that life's not so bad on a short
lease.
Maggie: So, you're not splitting up!
Urma: It hasn't been all bad. And the romance department is...quite nice.
Jason: Oh Mom, please!
Urma: Oh, my marriage would be perfect if only I could get him to change...completely.
Maggie and Jason: Oh, I hear you.
Urma: Oh, Jason, could you do me one more favour dear.
Jason: Yeah, name it.
Urma: Well, I've packed a couple more bags back at the apartment, for the dramatic effect.
When you're in the city tomorrow, could you pick them up for me please?
Jason: Yeah.
Urma: I think when he sees you pick them up, that will put a twist in his lower tract like a
Bovarian Pretzel. Good night all.
Maggie: What a lovely woman.
Jason: Well you have to put this in perspective, Maggie. I mean, she's so sweet that she can't
admit the truth...she has to repress it.
Maggie: Oh, and what truth is that?
Jason: That she should be rid of that guy, right now. That the memory of him should be
erased from all of us.
Maggie: Well maybe I should be the one to go pick up the suitcases.
Jason: Oh, you think I can't be objective!
Maggie: Yes.
Jason: You misjudge me so. je Enjoy the lasagne, Wally. And by the way, keep the teeth as long as you like.
Jason: Ah ha! Jerry Vale! Where? Where?
Wally: Hey Jerry, they fit flat...
Jason: Hi Wal.
Wally: What do you want, you quack?
Jason: No need for name-calling, Wally.
Wally: Well then, I got nothing more to say to you.
Jason: I just came by to get some of my mother's things!
Wally: This is supposed to twist my lower tract into a sheep shank, right?
Jason: Actually a Bovarian Pretzel.
Wally: Well, come on in. You just love this, don't you?
Jason: Absolutely not, Wally.
Wally: Well, tell her I'm sitting pretty, with Jerry Vale's underwear and teeth.
Jason: I'll tell her that. Where are the bags?
Wally: Over there. And you can tell her from me, her little plan didn't work. I'm not gonna
kept on a short leash.
Jason: You actually think my mother's like that.
Wally: Ho ho ho. All day long I hear, don't eat that, oh don't wear that, well don't you wanna
go to the theatre? Hell no, I don't wanna go to the theatre. I wanna watch a ball game and eat
a brod!
Jason: Well, she's only looking out for you best interests, Wally.
Wally: Well I will not be manipulated by that woman.
Jason: Well these things happen all the time. You know, a couple's sailing along in a marriage
and all of a sudden, pooft!
Wally: What pooft?
Jason: This pooft!
Wally: Who pooft?
Jason: You pooft!
Wally: I didn't poof!
Jason: Poof!
Wally: If anybody pooft, your mother pooft!
Jason: You take that back, Wally.
Wally: Ah, what am I doing here standing for talking to an errand boy?
Jason: An errand boy!
Wally: Mmm.
Jason: Alright, one more errand, Wally. Mother would like the deed of trust to this condo.
Wally: Well what does she want that for?
Jason: Well, I don't know. Who knows where these things could lead?
Wally: What are you saying?
Jason: I'm not saying anything, Wally. I'm a psychiatrist, not a lawyer.
Wally: Lawyer! She's getting a lawyer!
Jason: Well, err...yeah, the papers can wait for a day or two. Look, I'm just gonna take these
bags, and you finish your lasagne.
Wally: Oh, suddenly I'm not so hungry. Jason, I'm too old for this.
Jason: Pardon me?
Wally: Well, if she's talking lawyers and condo papers...
Jason: Well, I might have exaggerated a little. Maybe I got carried away here.
Wally: Oh, no, no, no more right now Jason; my colon's dancing.
Urma: Jason!
Chrissy: No Grandma, it's just us.
Ben: You ask her.
Chrissy: No. You. You've known her longer.
Ben: Look, Grandma, you can't sit around her moping all day. You wanna shoot some hoops?
Urma: Ah, that's very sweet, dear. No thank you.
Ben: Ah, we made the offer. That takes care of that.
Carol: Grandma, I heard about you and Wally. This is the worst thing. I have been so upset, I
haven't been able to sleep or eat. This message is for me. It's from a boy...last night. Well,
Grandma, why didn't anybody tell me?
Urma: I'm sorry dear, I guess I was just a little preoccupied.
Carol: Oh, sure. Oh sure, just think of yourself.
Maggie: What was Carol shouting about?
Urma: She was comforting me...I think. Oh, Jason, how did he take it when you picked up the
bags?
Jason: Well...
Urma: Was he devastated?
Jason: Well, I don't...
Urma: Well... Maggie, get your husband to talk.
Maggie: Jason, talk!
Jason: Well, the luggage thing didn't work. He's onto you Mother.
Urma: Oh, he knows me so well. He's smarter than he looks.
Jason: So, in keeping with the spirit of your plan. I asked him to turn over the papers to the
condo.
Urma: Oh, my son, I have traied you well.
Jason: You have no idea. We started talking, one thing led to another, and before I know it, he
was asking me to help you two get back together again.
Urma: You! But you can't stand Wally!
