SAT學生習作修改：Is it necessary to question the authority?

分析：本文是2006年10月考題，先根據題目做思維練習。

本文作者寫的是黑人爭奪民權，就此考慮文章中要細化的內容。

Authority--- who? 本文是the white people

Question the authority--- why? （因為白人欺負黑人太甚了） How? （開會，選領導，搞抗議）

Result ---（廢除了公共汽車法）

學生文章分析

開頭段：

1Every person makes mistakes, as well as the authority. 2That’s why it is important to insist your own idea when authority is wrong. 3Development of people’s society is usually associated with challenging the authority.

問題：句一太松散；句二詞組誤用，缺定冠詞；句三和句二之間有些跳躍，意思上理解應該是挑戰權威的結果；首段缺少明確的觀點和對下文的提示。

修改：1 I cannot agree more with the saying, 2for the authority, like common people, are likely to make mistakes or act unreasonably on some occasions. 3At that moment, the public is supposed to, at the risk of offending the authority, insist on his own belief for the further development of the society. 4Next I will take the example of __Rosa Park_____ to illustrate/substantiate my point.

開頭段要素：1.回答問題，2、3 解釋為什么是這個答案，4.結構提示，下面舉什么例子。

中間段

第一步：指出誰是權威。

In 20 century, white people in the USA discriminated against the black, 1especially in the south. There were signs which said ‘no colored allowed, whites only’ everywhere. And black people had to sit in the back of the bus.

問題：句子較為松散，并且沒有非常明確地點出“權威是白人”這個概念。

修改：

In the early 1960s of the United States, it is the white who held the ultimate authority(點題) in various kinds of affairs, including the policy towards the black, whom they discriminated against. That’s why signs saying “no colored allowed, whites only” could be spotted almost everywhere. However, as the inferior group, most black people tended to accept the unfavorable status quo until they year of 1955.

第二步：開始營造question 權威的的原因和過程。

On December 1st, 1955, it was a common day in Montgomery. Alabama Rosa Parks, who 1was a black woman working hard and did well in her job, took the bus （to go） home and found a seat behind the ‘white section’. When the bus stopped at a stop, 6 white people boarded the bus. The bus driver asked those black riders to give their seats for the white passengers as usual. 3 black people stood up immediately, but Rosa refused2. And Rosa refused again when the driver asked her to give up her seat one more time. 3Then the driver called the police. Rosa was arrested by two patrolmen, charged of violating the city bus ordinance.

問題：

1在SAT語法中，and 這個詞的左右對等問題是大家要特別注意的。其次white section 也沒有交代清楚，容易引起困惑。大家可能覺得很奇怪，寫給美國人看，需要交代得那么清楚嗎，他們肯定知道啦。如果這樣想就違反了寫作reader-friendly的宗旨。出現特殊概念，要同位語或從句解釋，這樣才符合官方指南中connect to the audience的目的。

2處最大的問題在于邏輯,拒絕出現的比較突然。

為什么她不愿讓座，因為她內心覺得黑人和白人應該是一樣的，可以擁有相同權利，這是為什么挑戰的原因。

3處也有一點突兀，如要要改建議加上報警的原因，因為駕駛員生氣或是覺得權威被挑戰Angered by her refusal, the bus driver called the police。

修改：

突出挑戰過程，增加細節，參考維基百科http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rosa_Parks

In Montgomery, the first four rows of bus seats were reserved for white people. Though black people could sit in the middle rows when there was vacancy, they had to move to seats in the rear, stand, or, if there was no room, leave the bus when the white section was full.（這也是一種白人是權威細節） But on December 1st, 1955, Alabama Rosa Parks, a tired black woman, got on a bus heading for her home after a day’s hard work. She paid her fare and sat in an empty seat in the first row of back seats reserved for blacks in the "colored" section, which was near the middle of the bus and directly behind the ten seats reserved for white passengers. . As the bus traveled along its regular route, all of the white-only seats in the bus filled up. The bus reached the third stop in front of the Empire Theater, and several white passengers boarded. So, following standard practice, bus driver Blake noted that the front of the bus was filled with white passengers and there were two or three men standing, and thus moved the "colored" secti
on sign behind Parks and demanded that four black people give up their seats in the middle section so that the white passengers could sit. And the other three people moved, but she didn't and said to herself, “I would have to know for once and for all what rights I had as a human being and a citizen."（這是挑戰的原因） The driver then added, "Why don't you stand up?”Parks responded, "I don't think I should have to stand up." And he said, 'Well, if you don't stand up, I'm going to have to call the police and have you arrested.' I said, 'you may do that.'' （這一段在描繪她是怎么挑戰的?？梢酝ㄟ^對話加強真實感，這是滿分作文經常用的套路）

Soon Rosa was arrested by two patrolmen and was later charged with a violation of Chapter 6, Section 11 segregation law of the Montgomery City code.