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Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 21, 2016
星座運勢——2016年6月21這周
Aries | March 21 to April 19
白羊座 3.21-4.19
Nothing noteworthy will occur in your life this week, as you have not paid your cable bill in months.
本周你的生活中不會發生大事，因為你已經數月未交有線電視費了。
Taurus | April 20 to May 20
金牛座 4.20-5.20
The loneliness you feel cannot last forever. It can, however, last 40 years until the moment of your death.
你感覺到的孤獨不會一直持續下去的。但是，直到你離世前，它還能持續40年。
Gemini | May 21 to June 20
雙子座 5.21-6.20
Your religious faith will be shattered when, after years of piety, you discover a little-known Bible passage condemning murder.
幾年虔誠之后，你發現《圣經》中只有鮮為人知的篇章譴責謀殺，這時你的宗教信仰就會破碎。
Cancer | June 21 to July 22
巨蟹座 6.21-7.22
The disappearance of Mars from the sky may indicate that it is time to let go of your warlike nature. Also, it could indicate that Mars has taken orbit behind the sun.
天空中火星的消失可能意味著是時候放棄你好戰的本質了。也有可能意味著火星是在太陽后面的那個軌道運行的。
Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22
獅子座 7.23-8.22
Your beloved cats Oscar, Sofie, Tim, Gibson and Malcolm are asked to appear on national television after smothering you in your sleep.
在你最喜愛的貓咪們：奧斯卡，蘇菲蒂姆，吉布森和馬爾科姆睡夢中撫慰你之后，就有人請它們上國家電視節目。
Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22
處女座 8.23-9.22
Due to circumstances beyond your control, you will make absolutely no effort to take charge of your miserable life this week.
由于不受你控制的情況，本周你根本不會努力去主掌你苦逼的生活。
Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22
天秤座 9.23-10.22
Your birthday party will once again be ruined by highly trained, combat-tested military demolitions experts.
你的生日聚會將再一次被訓練有素的，經過戰斗考驗的軍事爆破專家所破壞。
Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21
蝎子座 10.23-11.21
Reaffirm your commitment to weight loss this week. Eat five pounds of cottage cheese, six cans of peach halves in heavy syrup, and a liter of Diet Coke for each meal.
本周再次確認你減肥的承諾。每餐食用5英鎊的松軟干酪，6罐浸在濃糖漿里切成一半的桃子和1公升的健怡可樂。
Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21
射手座 11.22-12.21
A crazy person will try to convince you that the stars are vast, distant balls of gaseous matter. Ignore him.
一位瘋狂人士將會盡力說服你恒星是廣闊無邊的，是氣體物質的遙遠球。不要理他。
Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19
摩羯座 12.22-1.19
You will discover the power of chain letters this week when you accidentally break one and suffer no terrible consequences whatsoever.
當你這周無意打開了一封連鎖信，但也沒有發生糟糕后果時，你就會發現連鎖信的力量。
Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18
寶瓶座 1.20-2.18
Nothing can stop Destiny from exerting its powerful influence over you if it so desires. However, it does not.
如果命運十分想要對你產生重大影響的話，那么沒有什么是能阻止它的。但，它沒有想對你產生影響。
Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20
雙魚座 2.19-3.20
You may be entitled to a large refund this week when the gynecologist you’ve been seeing announces that you are not pregnant but male.
本周當一直給你看病的婦科醫生宣布你沒有懷孕，還說你是男性時，你可能會得到一大筆退款。
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