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Take time to assess a senior’s entire situation before jumping to conclusions about their weaknesses or desires, says Jake Harwood, a professor of communication at the University of Arizona, Tucson. A parent whose husband dies may suddenly seem unable to care for herself, failing to clean the house or keep up with bills. But the bereaved5 spouse6 may simply need more contact with friends and social support to get motivated again.
亞利桑那大學(xué)的傳播學(xué)教授杰克哈伍德說,我們要花時間評估一個老人的整 體情況，不要盲目下結(jié)論說他們?nèi)绾螣o法自理以及需要什么護(hù)理服務(wù)。失去丈夫的 女性可能會突然看起來無法照顧自己，無法整理家務(wù)，無法償還帳單,但這些喪偶 的老人也許只需要多跟朋友和社會交流就能重新鼓起生活的勇氣。
Also, adult children sometimes misunderstand parents’ reluctance to move, says Kenneth Robbins, a clinical professor of psychiatry at the University of Wisconsin in Madison. “They may resist leaving the house because they think their kids and their grandkids are going to miss the house,” or they fear that a close neighbor will be left alone, says Dr. Robbins, who is also a senior medical editor at Caring.com. Seniors also may fear having to leave cherished belongings behind or being unable to make friends in a new setting. And some see leaving their homes as an acknowledgment of their increasingly frailty7 — and mortality.
Caring.com的資深醫(yī)學(xué)主編、麥迪森州威斯康辛大學(xué)臨床精神病學(xué)教授凱尼 斯羅賓斯說，此外,成年子女有時候會誤解父母不愿搬去老年護(hù)理機(jī)構(gòu)的原因。他 們拒絕離開家里,可能是因為覺得兒孫輩會想念他們在家的感覺，或擔(dān)心自己走后 鄰居好友會覺得寂寞。老年人也可能不愿意離開自己珍視的一些物品，或擔(dān)心在新 環(huán)境中交不到朋友。有些老人把離開家里去老年護(hù)理機(jī)構(gòu)視為自己身體越來越差 甚至將不久于人世的一種體現(xiàn)。
Robin Joy, of San Francisco, says she helped her widowed mother Gail, 77， hire a professional organizer after figuring out that cleaning out the family’s Evanston, III., home of 30 years was an obstacle to her moving. Gail says she put her name on a retirement home’s waiting list, but passed up a couple of opportunities to move in because the need to sort through all the papers and belongings “seemed overwhelming.”
舊金山的羅賓喬伊說，她幫她喪偶的77歲母親蓋爾請了一位整理專家，因為 她發(fā)現(xiàn)母親不愿意去老年護(hù)理機(jī)構(gòu)的原因是想把伊利諾斯州埃文斯頓市住了三十 年的房子收拾妥當(dāng)。蓋爾說自己早就報名排隊，等待進(jìn)人一家老年護(hù)理中心，但錯 過了好幾次機(jī)會,因為她得把家里“多得都要溢出來”的文件和物品全都整理好。
The organizer has since helped Gail get stacks of papers and stuff under control, and she is planning to move soon.
后來，那位整理專家?guī)椭w爾將成堆的文件和物品歸整清楚,目前蓋爾正打算 很快就搬去老年護(hù)理中心。
Dementia, of course, raises added issues. People with dementia may “no longer be able to make decisions in their own best interests, and they begin to misinterpret what other people are trying to do for them,” Dr. Robbins says. Seniors with dementia may become paranoid*, depressed, or so confused that “l(fā)ife becomes a minefield9 of dangers,” he says.
當(dāng)然，老年癡呆癥會讓事情變得更復(fù)雜。羅賓斯博士說，老年癡呆癥患者可能 “再也無法做出最有利于自身利益的決定,并開始錯誤理解別人想為他們做的事 情。”患有癡呆癥的老年人會變得偏執(zhí)多疑、情緒低落或困惑不解,認(rèn)為“生活變成 了一片充滿危險的地雷陣。”
Appealing to a parent’s values can help in such cases. Barbara Meltzer of West Hollywood, Calif., says that when her father died several years ago, her aged mother, who was living in Florida and had dementia, resisted Ms. Meltzer’s plea to bring in a home health aide. The aide “would call and say, ‘Your mother sent me home,” Ms. Meltzer says.
在這種情況下，多從父母的價值觀考慮可以起到一些作用。加州西好萊塢的芭色拉梅爾澤說，他父親幾年前去世，年邁的母親住在佛羅里達(dá)州，患有老年癡呆 癥,她拒絕了色色拉給她請家庭保姆的請求。保姆會打電話來說“你媽媽又讓我回
家了。”
So she turned the conversation with her mother to, “Please do it for me, Mom, because I’m worried about you.” She also mentioned to her mother that allowing the aide to stay helped her by providing a job. “That worked, because my mother was a giver. She was Mother Earth. With her, it was always about helping somebody else，” Ms. Meltzer says.
因此，芭芭拉采取另一種說服策略，她對母親說:“幫我個忙吧，媽媽,因為我擔(dān) 心你。”她還對媽媽說，雇家庭保姆是給人提供一份就業(yè)機(jī)會。芭芭拉說，“這很管 用，因為我媽媽喜歡幫助人,就像大地母親一樣,樂于奉獻(xiàn)。”
Eventually, she used the same approach to persuade her mother to move to California to live near her and other family members. “We love you so much and it’ s important to us that you’re here,” Ms. Meltzer says she told her. Her mother lived nearby for several years before dying last year at the age of 93.
最終，芭芭拉用同樣的策略說服母親搬到加州，住在芭芭拉和其他家人的附 近。芭芭拉這樣說道’ “我們都很愛你’你跟我們住得近一點，這對我們來說非常重 要。”她母親在加州住了好幾年，2010年去世，享年93歲。
Meanwhile, Kathy Peers parents have moved into Town Village at Audubon Park, an independent senior living community in Memphis. The pros and cons in the plan they compiled with Ms. Peel and her husband have proven true. Ms. Peel travels often to see them, and the Weeks are considering moving again in the future, to Dallas, to make it easier for the Peels to help them out. “They have realized they really do need us,” Ms. Peel says.
與此同時，凱菌皮爾的父母已經(jīng)搬去Audubon Park的Town Village,那是孟菲 斯市一個獨立運營的老年生活社區(qū)。他們一家做的利弊分析和規(guī)劃書起了作用。凱 茜經(jīng)常去看他們，她父母還考慮將來搬到達(dá)拉斯去,這樣凱茜過來搭把手就更方便 了.凱茜說,“他們已經(jīng)意識到，自己還是需要我們這些兒女的。”
