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Things Your Marriage Counselor Doesn’t Want You to Know
婚姻咨詢師不希望你知道的小秘密
If you knew these things, you wouldn’t need a marriage counselor, would you? Those words comes from a few famous psychologists, psychotherapists and doctors of marrige and family counseling.
如果你了解了以下內容, 就用不著婚姻咨詢師了。以下是來自幾位在婚姻家庭咨詢方面非常著名的心理學者、專家的話。
1) I love couples who fight in the waiting room. At least they still care about each other. If one or both of you seem indifferent, my job is a lot harder.
我喜歡看到在客廳吵架的夫妻。起碼這表示他們還在乎對方。如果其中一方或雙方都對對方漠不關心，情況就更加棘手了。
2) When you say your feelings “just aren’t there anymore,” I know you’re probably cheating.
如果你說，你已經對對方沒有感覺了。我知道你很可能在說謊
3) Sometimes I’ll tell a couple “no sex until the next session. Don’t touch each other, period.” What I’m really hoping is that they’ll fail and feel a sense of unity from their mutual rebellion.
有時，我會告訴一對夫妻：“這個階段就別同房，別碰對方了，就這樣。”但其實我希望他們做不到，希望他們一起違背這個建議，擁有一種凝聚的感覺。
4) It may make you feel better to talk about your marriage issues with a good friend, but it will just make things worse. Never talk to outsiders about things in your marriage that you haven’t already talked about with your spouse.
你可能覺得跟密友討論婚姻問題會舒服些。但是這只會使情況更糟。別跟局外人談論你還沒跟另一半談論的事情。
5) Yes, you should go to bed angry. If you try to resolve everything before you hit the sack, you’ll both be sleep-deprived and cranky the next day. Instead, get a good night’s sleep and talk once you’re rested.
沒錯，你就該在生氣的時候去睡覺。如果你想在睡覺前把所有問題都解決掉，第二天，你會因睡眠不足而變得脾氣暴躁。所以，好好地睡一覺，醒來再討論問題。
6) I’ve seen couples I thought didn’t stand a chance end up staying together. Often it’s because they’re both willing to try. But sometimes it’s just that they are too dysfunctional to leave each other.
通常有一種我認為婚姻不可能會長久的夫妻。通常是因為他們在“努力”去維持婚姻的長久。但是，他們生活得太不和諧了，最終還是分開了。
7) The big thing most women don’t understand: Men are not mind readers. If you don’t tell him how you feel, he’s not going to know. The big thing most men don’t understand: If you hardly acknowledge your wife all day, she’s not going to want to get intimate with you at night.
大多數女人都不明白的一個重要的事實：男人不會讀心術。如果你不告訴他你心里在想什么，他是絕對不會知道的。大多數男人都不明白的是：如果你白天不搭理你妻子，就別想著晚上她來搭理你。
8) If I ask you how long you’ve had problems and your answer is “ten years,” you’re not going to change things in ten minutes or ten sessions.
如果我問你，你們之間的問題已經存在多久了？你的回答是“十年”。那么你就別想著在10分鐘或是10次就把問題解決掉。
This insider info comes from psychologist Karen Sherman and from psychotherapist Wendy Allen, Ph.D., author of How to Survive the Crisis of an Affair.
這些內部資料是由《如何解決婚姻危機》這本書的兩位作者——心理學家凱倫·謝爾曼博士和溫蒂·艾倫博士——提供的。
Sixty-nine percent of all arguments between you and your partner will never be resolved. So don’t try so hard.
你和另一半的所有矛盾中，有69%是永遠無法解決的，所以，就別白費力氣了。
A couple that doesn’t fight is in trouble.
從不吵架的夫妻必定存在大問題。
Having a “good enough” marriage is the most couples can expect and is actually quite an accomplishment.
每對夫婦都希望能有一段“還不錯”的婚姻，但這并不容易做到。
Letting go is sometimes better than discussing everything to death.
對于一些問題，放下有時比糾結更合適。
Respect, not sex or money, is the most important factor in a happy marriage.
幸福的婚姻重在尊重，而非性或是金錢。
There are marital breaches worse than an affair.
婚姻出現裂痕比婚外情更嚴重。
