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從陌陌到微信，網(wǎng)絡(luò)時代的社交媒體層出不窮，約會變得前所未有的容易。然而，社交媒體也徹底地毀掉了約會。人們不僅能夠像瀏覽商品目錄一樣對潛在的約會對象挑挑揀揀，還能通過網(wǎng)絡(luò)提前掌握他們的情報。神秘和浪漫不見了。真愛也更難求了。因?yàn)榇蠹铱傆X得，未來還能找到更好的。
Online services enable a downright Seinfeld-ian level of superficial nitpickiness.
在線服務(wù)導(dǎo)致了完完全全宋飛正傳式（Seinfeld，美國著名喜劇演員，代表作品《宋飛正傳》風(fēng)靡美國9年——譯注）的、膚淺的吹毛求疵。
It was iconic '80s rocker singer Pat Benatar who popularized the phrase "love is a battlefield." But it has been the ubiquity of the mobile Internet that realized it.
20世紀(jì)80年代標(biāo)志性的搖滾樂手佩特?班納塔讓“愛情就像戰(zhàn)場”（love is a battlefield）這個說法家喻戶曉。而移動互聯(lián)網(wǎng)的普及則讓這個說法成為了現(xiàn)實(shí)。
A few weeks ago, I had coffee with a twenty-something entrepreneur. One of the topics that came up was dating in the age of Facebook (FB), OkCupid, and the myriad of other digital services floating out there. A handsome, self-assured guy, he found online actually made dating harder and, in at least one case, impossible. When he asked out a cute girl at a party, she Facebook friended him before the date -- not uncommon -- and he accepted.
幾周前，我與一位20歲上下的創(chuàng)業(yè)家喝咖啡，聊到了約會這個話題。也就是在這個充斥著Facebook、Okcupid和其他五花八門數(shù)字服務(wù)的年代約會。這位英俊自信的男孩發(fā)現(xiàn)，網(wǎng)絡(luò)實(shí)際上讓約會變得更加困難，至少他親身體驗(yàn)了一次不愉快的經(jīng)歷。在某次聚會上，他邀請一位可愛的女孩改天單獨(dú)約會。約會前，女孩在Facebook上將他加為好友——這很常見——他也同意了。
Once he did, he had access to a trove of information: her favorite bands, movies, TV shows, and recent vacation photos. This might seem like valuable ammunition. The more information one has about the other, the better ... right? But after a few minutes perusing her profile, he nuked the idea of a date. "What were we going to talk about? I felt like I already knew all the answers to the questions I would ask her during coffee," he explained. (He never met up with her.)
互加好友后，他就能看到女孩的個人信息了：她最喜歡的樂隊、電影、電視劇和最近度假的照片。這看起來似乎是寶貴的武器。你對她了解得越多，就越有辦法把她追到手……對吧？不過閱讀她的資料幾分鐘之后，他打消了約會的念頭。他解釋道：“我們還談什么？我覺得我已經(jīng)知道了見面喝咖啡時想問她的所有問題的答案。”（他之后再沒和她見過面。）
His clearly wasn't a case of "true love" or even lust. But here's the point: Just as Facebook (which has made it easier for everyone to keep in touch and now, apparently, "bang") bred its own unique brand of narcissistic etiquette. Online and mobile services have given rise to a pick-and-choose shopping behavior that prioritizes looks more than ever before. Log onto Match.com, and it's a near-endless grid of faces and ages. Sign into the gay mobile app Grindr, and half the photos of guys closest to you may be shots of anonymous torsos. In the case of the former, it's only after you click on someone's profile that you learn more about them. In the case of the latter, I guess words are window dressing.
這個案例顯然無關(guān)“真愛”或者色欲。不過重點(diǎn)在于：就像Facebook（它曾讓人們更易于保持聯(lián)系，不過如今顯然變成了“約炮神器”）建立起自己自我陶醉的獨(dú)特品牌一樣，在線和移動服務(wù)導(dǎo)致人們的購物習(xí)慣比以往任何時候都更加“外貌協(xié)會”。登陸Match.com，你能看到無窮無盡的頭像和年齡的方格陣列。而進(jìn)入同性戀移動應(yīng)用Grindr，在你地理位置附近，至少一半的搜索結(jié)果顯示的都是匿名圖像。前一種情況中，只有點(diǎn)擊某人的資料之后才能了解到更多信息。后一種情況下，我想文字只是用來做做樣子罷了。
Even worse, online services enable a downright Seinfeld-ian level of superficial nitpickiness. Don't like the fact one guy's hair is thinning? Next. Think a girl could stand to lose a few pounds? Next. Hate that so-called "beauty mark" on their cheek? Next, next, next! Why? Because we think we can do better, that someone hotter, smarter, and funnier awaits us in tomorrow's OkCupid email filled with matches, or literally around the corner thanks to apps like Tinder that surface nearby prospects. And because of that, we're more likely to shop around and make snap judgments about the people we're dating. Have I been guilty of this? Sure. But I've also been on the other side, too. One guy I dated tossed me overboard via text. The cause? He'd met someone else online while I was away on a four-day trip, and things -- as nascent as they were -- were "going well." Ouch.
更糟糕的是，在線服務(wù)導(dǎo)致了絕對膚淺的吹毛求疵。那個家伙的頭發(fā)太稀疏了，你不喜歡？下一個。覺得這個女孩應(yīng)該減肥了？下一個。不喜歡他們臉上所謂的“美人痣”？下一個，下一個，下一個！為什么？因?yàn)槲覀兛傆X得可以找到更好的。也許明天收到的OkCupid配對郵件中，就會有更性感、更聰明、更有趣的人等著我們，或者就在下一個拐角——這還多虧了Tinder這樣能夠搜索附近用戶的應(yīng)用。正因?yàn)槿绱?，我們更可能挑挑揀揀，對我們的約會對象做出快速評判。我曾對此感到內(nèi)疚嗎？當(dāng)然。但是我也曾被如此對待。我約會的一個對象通過短信就把我甩了。為什么呢？就因?yàn)槲页鋈ヂ眯辛怂奶?，期間他就在網(wǎng)上和別人好上了，他們剛剛展開的戀情進(jìn)展得如火如荼。我的天。
When people can browse potential dates online like items in a catalog, geo-locate hook-ups on an exercise bike just seven feet away, arrange a spontaneous group date with the app Grouper or arrange a bevy of blind dates in succession with Crazy Blind Date, it makes me wonder if all this newfound technological convenience has, in fact, made romance that much more elusive. Now, we may be more concerned with what someone isn't rather than what they are. And as that twenty-something entrepreneur reminded me over coffee, services like OkCupid, and even Facebook, sap a lot of the mystique out of those first few dates. So, sure, it may be easier than ever to score a date, but what kind of date will it really be?
當(dāng)人們能像在目錄上瀏覽商品一樣在網(wǎng)上瀏覽潛在的約會對象，能定位七英尺外的健身單車上可以勾搭的人，能通過Grouper安排一次自發(fā)的群體約會，或是能用Crazy Blind Date網(wǎng)站安排一次相親會時，我想知道所有這些新興的科技便利，實(shí)際上是否讓浪漫變得更加遙不可及了?，F(xiàn)在，我們可能更關(guān)心某人不是什么，而不是他們是什么。就像那個20歲上下的創(chuàng)業(yè)家在喝咖啡時提醒我的一樣，類似OkCupid、甚至Facebook這樣的服務(wù)讓許多人最初幾次約會的神秘感蕩然無存。所以，現(xiàn)在想要約會當(dāng)然比以前容易得多，但這到底是種怎樣的約會呢？
