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Here's what I caught myself thinking about in meditation this morning.
今早禪坐之時(shí)，我突然發(fā)覺自己在想些什么。
I was wondering where I should live once this year of traveling has ended. I don't want to move back to New York just out of reflex. Maybe a new town, instead. Austin is supposed to be nice. And Chicago has all that beautiful architecture. Horrible winters, though. Or maybe I'll live abroad. I've heard good things about Sydney . . . If I lived somewhere cheaper than New York, maybe I could afford an extra bedroom and then I could have a special meditation room! That'd be nice. I could paint it gold. Or maybe a rich blue. No, gold. No, blue . . .
我在想，今年旅行結(jié)束后，該定居何處。我不想出自本能而搬回紐約。或許搬去別的城鎮(zhèn)。奧斯汀應(yīng)該不錯(cuò)。芝加哥有美麗的建筑，盡管冬天冷得嚇人。或許旅居國外。我聽說悉梨有許多優(yōu)點(diǎn)……如果我住在消費(fèi)低于紐約的城市，或許負(fù)擔(dān)得起第二間臥室，那就有個(gè)專屬禪坐室！那一定很好。我可以把它漆成金色！或?qū)毸{(lán)色。不，金色。不，藍(lán)色……
Finally noticing this train of thought, I was aghast. I thought: Here you are in India, in an Ashram in one of the holiest pilgrimage sites on earth. And instead of communing with the divine, you're trying to plan where you'll be meditating a year from now in a home that doesn't yet exist in a city yet to be determined. How about this, you spastic fool—how about you try to meditate right here, right now, right where you actually are?
終于留意到這一連串思路時(shí)，我嚇了一跳。我心想：你現(xiàn)在人在印度的道場，在世界上最神圣的地方之一。你不與神進(jìn)行交流，卻計(jì)劃一年后在哪兒禪坐，在一個(gè)尚未決定的城市，一個(gè)尚未存在的家。你這麻痹的蠢人，這樣好吧——試著在此時(shí)此地禪坐，如何？
I pulled my attention back to the silent repetition of the mantra.
我將注意力拉回，反復(fù)默念咒語。
A few moments later, I paused to take back that mean comment about calling myself a spastic fool. I decided maybe that wasn't very loving.
過了一會兒，我暫停下來，收回自稱“麻痹的蠢人”的惡評。我斷定這有點(diǎn)刻薄。
Still, I thought in the next moment, a gold meditation room would be nice. I opened my eyes and sighed. Is this really the best I can do?
過了一會兒，我又想，“不過，金色的禪坐室還是不錯(cuò)”。我睜開眼睛嘆口氣。我的程度真的只能這么表現(xiàn)嗎？
So, that evening, I tried something new. I'd recently met a woman at the Ashram who'd been studying Vipassana meditation. Vipassana is an ultraorthodox, stripped-down and very intensive Buddhist meditation technique. Basically, it's just sitting. An introductory Vipassana course lasts for ten days, during which time you sit for ten hours a day in stretches of silence that last two to three hours at a time. It's the Extreme Sports version of transcendence. Your Vipassana master won't even give you a mantra; this is considered a kind of cheating. Vipas-sana meditation is the practice of pure regarding, witnessing your mind and offering your complete consideration to your thought patterns, but allowing nothing to move you from your seat.
于是，當(dāng)天傍晚，我嘗試新法。最近我在道場遇見一位曾學(xué)過“內(nèi)觀”（Vipassana）禪修法的女子。“內(nèi)觀”是一種極端正統(tǒng)派、直探內(nèi)心、集中密集的佛教禪修法，基本上就是“靜坐”。內(nèi)觀的入門課程歷時(shí)十天，每天靜坐十小時(shí)，每次的靜坐持續(xù)兩三個(gè)小時(shí)。這是超越自我的極限版。你的內(nèi)觀師傅甚至未給你咒語；那被認(rèn)為是作弊。內(nèi)觀禪修旨在訓(xùn)練純粹地凝視、目擊自己的心靈、完全尊重你的思考模式，卻讓你穩(wěn)坐如泰山。
