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If you haven’t contemplated murder, you ain’t been in love. If you haven’t seriously thought about killing the motherfucker, you ain’t been in love. If you haven’t had a can of rat poison in your hand and looked at it for 45 minutes straight, you ain’t been in love. If you haven’t bought a shovel and a bag and a rug to roll they ass up in, you ain’t been in love. If you haven’t practiced your alibi in front of the mirror… you ain’t been in love. And the only thing that stopped you from killing this motherfucker was an episode of CSI.
在座的只要有真正愛過的，都可以幫我做見證！假如你沒有考慮過要殺人，你就稱不上愛過。假如你沒有認真想過要殺了那個混帳，你就沒真正愛過。假如你沒有手里拿著一罐老鼠藥，然后盯著罐子看四十五分鐘，你就沒真正愛過。假如你沒有去買過鏟子，布袋還有地毯來毀尸滅跡，你就沒真正愛過。假如你沒有在鏡子前練習你不在場證明，你就沒真正愛過。而唯一阻止你動手的原因,是你為你看了CSI犯罪現場。
See, relationships are hard. But in order for any relationship to work, both people have to be on the same page. Both people have to have the same focus…and the focus is all about her，is all about her! Fellas, when you wake up in the morning, you should look yourself in the mirror and say,” Fuck you. Fuck your hopes, fuck your dreams, fuck your plans, fuck everything you thought this life was gonna bring you. Now let’s go out there and try and make this bitch happy.”
沒錯，男女交往是個難題，如果一段感情要成功男女雙方必須有共識，雙方焦點要一致。大家都知道那個共識是什么，焦點是什么。 感情要成功，雙方焦點就要相同。那么焦點是什么? 那個焦點就是女生！焦點都得在她身上！女生老早就知道這一點了，她們可是在等你跟進呢！男士們，你們一早醒來，應該對著鏡中的自己說"去你的！去你的希望，去你的夢想，去你的計劃。跟你對人生的所有期望都說再見吧！現在，你只要想辦法取悅那個女生就夠了！”
Yes. It’s all about her, fellas. Say yes to everything. Everything. Everything you can afford, say yes to. Just say yes. Before she even gets it out of her fucking mouth. “Honey, can…” Yes. “Honey, I…” Yes. Just get a stamp. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
沒錯！所有焦點都在她身上。面對一切，你都得說好，一切，只要你付得起就說“好“。說“好“就對了，根本不用等她說完?！坝H愛的，我想...”“好““親愛的，我能...”“好”“親愛的，那個...”“好”……干脆去弄個印章，好！好！好！好！好！好！好！好！
