五、閱讀及口語素材

鐘情打折貨

Restless in the small hours and with research for a novel as my alibi, I stumbled across an internet questionnaire yesterday devised by a high-class rehabilitation facility. This residential treatment centre does not just cater for the more well known addictions (drink, drugs, gambling), it offers programmes for those who drink too many hot drinks, and those who feel compelled to help other people to their own detriment (compulsive helping dominant). The questions were manifold and diverse.

“Do you have a sense of increased tension and excitement when you see advertisements for caffeine substances?

Do you regularly give unsolicited advice to other people on how to solve their problems?

Do you only feel you become a real person when shopping?”

How interesting, I thought, ticking the boxes to some of the questions and laughing grandly at others for the assumptions they make about the way people live. “Have you ever rushed or skipped a meal in order to get straight to the coffee stage?” I just wasn't sure about a number of these questions. In the world of compulsion and denial, no behaviour is innocent.

I didn't seem to register too highly on the addictive behaviour graph. I do like to help people whether they want it or not, and am a little fonder of buns than is perhaps wise, but only within the sphere of normality, it transpires. I don't tend to get upset when someone close to me takes care of someone else, but I will confess I did feel a shimmer of jealousy yesterday when my sister described her Prada sale triumph.

She set the scene with relish: the inky fabric, double gaberdine of exquisite quality, the immaculate way the buttons were sewn, the lining which was matchless. “It's thin fabric, a party coat, really, but the mink collar makes it quite warm.”

“How brilliant,” I said. “Great. SO nice. You are clever.” I did not want to seem mean. Besides, if I can't have something new that's lovely and amazing, she would be my second choice. Party coats may seem extravagant, but they are so mood-altering.

But I have been neglecting my shopping lately. I'm not ashamed of the fact, though when your most dazzling recent acquisition is a stainless steel and emerald green plastic spatula, it's time to take stock.

This afternoon, at the Harrods sale, a polka dot Moschino evening dress caught my eye. Short sleeved, low cut, A-line and very dark navy with dark blue dots, it was extremely me. I tried it on, admired the large reduction and made the purchase. No matter that I have two Moschino polka dot dresses already; one is too small and the other turquoise and orange. The dress is comfortable and if anything a little large, which always feels good. And it's just quiet enough to wear to the seven book launches that I have pending.

Back home, suddenly I wasn't quite so sure. I might need a sign pointing out that the extra fabric is fabric, not my flesh. Still, a new dress is a new dress, so I couldn't help but feel pleased, and if I find myself giving my sister a ring later and describing it, at length, in quite some detail, it doesn't make me a bad person, does it?

我昨晚一直熬到后半夜還沒睡覺。本想為我的一部小說做一些調研，不過，卻碰巧看見了由一家高級康復機構設計的網上問卷。這個住院式的治療中心不僅治療常見的沉溺癥（酗酒、吸毒、賭博），還提供其它康復計劃，目標人群是那些飲用太多熱飲的人，以及有強迫癥、非要幫助他人改掉壞毛病的人（顯性幫助強迫癥）。問卷上的問題紛繁復雜。

“在你看到咖啡因物質的廣告時，能感到緊張和興奮程度有所提高嗎？”

“你是否經常主動為他人提供如何解決他們問題的建議？”

“你是否只有在購物時才感到自己是個真正的人？”

我覺得，回答其中某些問題，并狠狠地嘲笑有些人對其他人生活方式的假設，是件很有趣的事。“你是否曾為了直接去喝咖啡，而匆忙地吃飯或者干脆不吃飯？”我對類似這樣的問題不太確定。在一個充滿強迫和自制的世界里，沒有什么行為是純粹的。

在上癮行為表上，我的排名似乎不太高。但我的確愿意幫助別人，不管他們愿意不愿意；同時，我有點喜歡喝酒，或許超過了“明智”的程度，但結果表明，這還在正常范圍內。當我親近的人關心別人時，我不會感到心煩，但我要承認，當我妹妹昨天講述她成功買到普拉達(Prada)的減價衣服時，我確實感到有點嫉妒。

她津津有味地表述了那一幕：墨黑的面料，雙層華達呢的高雅品質，縫紉扣子的完美方式，無與倫比的襯里。“那種面料很薄，是件禮服，的確是這樣，但貂皮領子讓人穿起來會感到十分溫暖。”

“好靚啊，”我說，“太棒了。非常好。你太聰明了。”我不想讓人看起來很小氣。此外，如果我沒有可愛而又令人驚訝的新東西的話，那么，她將是我的第二選擇。禮服可能看起來很奢侈，但它們很能改變人們的心情。

但我最近一直沒有購物。我對這個事實并不感到慚愧，不過，當你近來得到的最“閃亮”的東西，就是一把由不銹鋼和祖母綠塑料制成的調色刀時，增加庫存的時候就到了。

今天下午，在Harrods減價大賣場，一條Moschino圓點花紋晚禮服吸引了我。短袖、低胸、A字裙剪裁，點綴著很深的藏青色和深藍色圓點，非常合我的胃口。我試了一下，挺合身，而且非常喜歡這么大幅的減價，所以就買了。事實上，我已經有兩條Moschino的圓點花紋晚禮服了；一條太小了，另一條是青綠和橙色相間的。新買的這條裙子穿起來很舒服，而且所有大一號的東西總會讓人感覺不錯。它非常文雅，我完全可以穿著它參加即將召開的7場新書簽售活動。

回到家里，我突然不那么確定了。我可能需要一個標記，指出這件衣服上鼓鼓囊囊的東西是衣服布料，不是我身上的贅肉。盡管如此，新裙子就是新裙子，我抑制不住興奮的心情；而且，如果我稍后給我妹妹看個戒指，而且詳細地描述一通，那不能說明我就是個壞人吧？