五、戒結(jié)構(gòu)單調(diào),組合生硬 “拉郎配”
由于漢英結(jié)構(gòu)不同,表達(dá)方式迥異,“硬性翻譯”不僅讀起來別扭,而且會(huì)鬧出笑話。這就要求譯者在翻譯時(shí)靈活使用整合的技巧,將句子整合,凸顯漢語(yǔ)中所隱含的層次,補(bǔ)充所缺失的成分。有時(shí)要將簡(jiǎn)單句譯成并列句,有時(shí)將并列句譯成主從句。
在紀(jì)念大學(xué)畢業(yè)20周年聚會(huì)時(shí),我忽然問起原來的班主任:“我個(gè)子又不矮,怎么把我安排在了第一排呢?”
At the reunion party for 20 anniversary of graduation from university, I suddenly asked my former teacher in charge of our class then:“ Since I am not of short stature, how did you arrange me at the first row?”
一個(gè)高度近視的女博士去擦鞋店擦高統(tǒng)靴,禿頭老板親自蹲下來給她效勞。
When a woman doctor who suffers a severe myopic went to shoes-polishing shop for her buskins,the bald boss squatted down to serve her personally.
黑體字部分,正是契合了英語(yǔ)的表達(dá)習(xí)慣。
六、戒“愚忠”,不諳增減之道
我們耳熟能詳?shù)臇|西外國(guó)人可能會(huì)感到一頭霧水,譯者需要增加必要的說明和補(bǔ)充或者減譯。否則,外國(guó)人會(huì)不知所云。畢竟,漢譯英最終是給外國(guó)人看的。
例如:風(fēng)水
fengshui--the location of a house or tomb, supposed to have an influence on the fortune of a family.
例如:(美國(guó)對(duì)臺(tái))“三不政策”
會(huì)當(dāng)凌絕頂,一覽眾山小。
One day I shall climb
Clear to the summit,
See how small surrounding
Mountain tops appear as they lie below me
(新西蘭人路易·艾黎譯《杜甫·望岳》)
I can't open my eyes to watch you jumping into the fiery pit, for I will shut my eyes at the time.
我不會(huì)眼睜睜看著你往火坑里跳,到時(shí)候我會(huì)閉上的。
不要嫌我黑,兩眼放光輝;不要嫌我瘦,一身好精肉。
Do not Cold-shoulder me for my swarthy(黝黑的) face, but I have a pair of bright piercing(敏銳的) eyes;
Do not Cold-shoulder me for my slight figure, but I'm lean and healthy.
文中the location of a house or tomb, supposed to have an influence on the fortune of a family.
on support for Taiwan independence, no support for a two-China policy, and on support for Taiwan membership in international organizations on the basis of statehood.
七、戒語(yǔ)句重復(fù)
漢語(yǔ)多重復(fù),以強(qiáng)化語(yǔ)氣;英語(yǔ)則要盡量避免重復(fù)。
先生曰:“狼負(fù)我,狼負(fù)我!”狼曰:“吾非固欲負(fù)汝。天生汝輩,固需吾輩食也。”
“You are an ungrateful beast,” complained the man.
“Not at all,” retorted the wolf, “it is not that I'm ungrateful, but you men were created for us to devour.”
(顏惠慶譯《馬中錫·中山狼傳》)
王曰:“此鳥不飛則已,一飛沖天;不鳴則已,一鳴驚人。”
“The bird may not have flown yet”, replied the King,“Once it does, it will soar to the sky. I may not have cried out yet, but once it does, it will startle everyone.”
(楊憲益譯《史記·滑稽列傳》
阿凡提借了財(cái)主一錠金子,還他時(shí)給了他兩錠。
Afanty borrowed a small ingot of gold from a moneybags, but repaid him two ones.
(選自艾臨《幽默新大陸》)
又斗爭(zhēng),又團(tuán)結(jié),以斗爭(zhēng)的手段,達(dá)團(tuán)結(jié)之目的。
Unity, struggle, unity through struggle.
中國(guó)人也好,外國(guó)人也好,死人也好,活人也好,對(duì)的就是對(duì)的,不對(duì)的就是不對(duì)的。
What is right is right and what is wrong is wrong, no matter what it concerns, the Chinese or foreigners, the dead or the living.
八、戒另起爐灶,走失精氣神,淪為法國(guó)作家梅納日所批評(píng)的 “不忠的美人”--即語(yǔ)言優(yōu)美但不忠于原文。
(參見2005年08月26日《濟(jì)南日?qǐng)?bào)》: 艾臨文章《不忠的美人與忠實(shí)的美人--寫在〈每天幽它一默〉出版后》)嚴(yán)復(fù)在翻譯《天演論》時(shí)偶 有為“雅”而不“信” (見陳廷佑《英文漢譯技巧》)。譯文要力求其“信”,盡可能契合漢語(yǔ)原來句子的氣勢(shì)、情緒和結(jié)構(gòu)。
例如,元朝人王實(shí)甫寫下了《西廂記》,張雪靜改編后并作了翻譯--
掏出張生那封信,回頭環(huán)視見梳妝臺(tái)上的梳妝盒,眼睛一轉(zhuǎn),心里說有了,將信放了進(jìn)去,合上蓋時(shí)故意壓了一角露在外面。
Rose took out Zhang's letter, she thought, “It would be better to put it in her make-up case, and letter find it herself.” So she put the letter in the case, leaving a corner of it sticking out, so that it would be quickly noticed.
不難看出,譯文與原文相去甚遠(yuǎn),互不吻合,成了“兩張皮”。
我們不希望這件事影響中美關(guān)系。
China hates to see Sino-US relations damaged by this incident.
用China hates to比“We don't hope”貼切。
吾十五有志于學(xué),三十而立,四十而不惑,五十而知天命,六十而耳順,七十而從心所欲不愈矩。
At fifteen, I had my mind bent on learning truth; at thirty, my words deeds were appropriate; at forty, I perceived truth and doubts ceased; at fifty, I understood what heaven had mandated for mankind; at sixty, I could comply with the appointments of heaven; at seventy, I could do as my heart desired, and never swerved from the path of right.
(金沛霖譯《論語(yǔ)》)
你已經(jīng)死在過深的怨憤里了嗎?
死?不,不,我還活著--
請(qǐng)給我以火,給我以火!
Have you perished in this deep rancor and bitterness?
Death? No, no. I'm still alive.
Please give me a light, give me a light