張真·《流產》

天光晃著晃著

你在那邊美麗地形成

唯唯諾諾像一只小雞

我的小雞

你幸免滅頂之災

不將存在的那根臍帶

轉而使我悲戚

在已臆想好的關系里

母與子

我與你

我已磨好了刀

血在天花板上噴出斑斕花紋

一雙細足倒提著

那就是我的愛

你該是金黃色的

輝煌像一只鼎

但也難說你會是漆黑一片

把我的窗戶涂沒

謝天謝地

為這一次和解我要喝醉

那也是我的恨

我長久地內望子宮

你莫須有的存在

我艱辛地翻山越嶺

在睡眠中與你競走

最終是我得救

如今我為你招魂

用怎樣一種語言

你蜷伏我膝頭聆聽

而我沒有任何寓言

你的母親只有很多秘密

你就是其中一個

現在走在這葬儀的隊首

我一身鮮紅

為你而執一捧罌粟花如火

你的兄弟姐妹都會被告知

你是長子你先于一切

而且你比誰都美

因此我為你驕傲

回到家中一如既往

蹣跚在窗簾帷幔之間

我思念你不可知的形象

燭火彌漫你奇異的氣味

你生來不屬于我

出門前對著鏡子整裝時

卻見到你與我同在

Abortion-Zhang Zhen

The light of day is shimmering, shimmering

And there you are, perfectly formed

As meek and docile as a baby bird

My little bird

You narrowly escaped total disaster

But now the umbilical cord that will never exist

Has made me sad


In the imagined relationship

Of mother and son

Myself and you

I had already sharpened the knife

Blood had sprayed gorgeous patterns on the ceiling

A pair of tiny feet hoisted upside down


That was my love

You should have been a golden child

Resplendent as a sacred cauldron

Yet for all I know you could have been a blackness

Blotting out my windows

Thank heavens for this reconciliation

I shall get drunk


That was also my hatred

For a long time I had peered into the womb

At your unnecessary existence

With great difficulty I crossed mountain after mountain

Running a foot-race with you in my sleep

In the end I was all the one to be rescued


Now I call on your soul to return

Whatever language I use

You curl up in my lap to listen

But I have no parables for you

Your mother has only a lot of secrets

And you are one of them


Walking now at the head of the funeral procession

I am dressed all in crimson

Holding poppies for you like flames

Your brother and sisters will all be told

That you were the eldest son, the first,

And were handsomer than any of them

And so I am proud of you


Returning home, I walk haltingly as before

To and fro between draperies and curtains

Longing for your unknown form

Candlelight fills the air with your curious scent

From birth you were destined not to belong to me

But as I stand before the mirror about to leave the house

I see you there with me


（Naikan Tao and Tony Prince 譯）