評(píng)論
打印
It's nine a.m., but it feels like Ted's place isn't open. I've yet to see an employee.
現(xiàn)在已經(jīng)是早上9點(diǎn)了，可是動(dòng)物園還是和沒(méi)開一樣，一個(gè)工作人員也沒(méi)見(jiàn)到。
I've heard stories about these places, how they keep big cats in small enclosures. How the animals often have ingrown nails and zero percent fat.
我聽(tīng)說(shuō)這些動(dòng)物園把大型貓科動(dòng)物都放在很小的籠子里。指甲長(zhǎng)到了肉里，快瘦成了皮包骨。
I have the urge to call out, Mom?-as if I'm coming home after a long day.
我想大叫，就像放學(xué)回家時(shí)候那樣。
We find a man feeding a seal.
我們找到一個(gè)正在喂海豹的工作人員。
Where are your birds? I ask. Specifically, your African gray?
你們的鳥在哪？非洲灰鸚鵡？我問(wèn)。
We have two, he says. Over by the vending machine.
我們有兩只，在自動(dòng)售貨機(jī)那，他說(shuō)。
I need the one named Carnie, I say. The one you received from the Red oak Bird Sanctuary.
我想找叫卡尼的那只，從紅橡樹鳥類收容所里來(lái)的那只，我說(shuō)。
I think it's the one on the left he says, they all look alike.
應(yīng)該是左邊的那只吧，他們都長(zhǎng)一樣，他說(shuō)。
I hone in on Carnie's knowing eye. He looked like the same bird, though his eyes had yellowed and his gray feathers had worn thin around his neck.
我全神貫注地看著卡尼會(huì)意的眼睛。他沒(méi)怎么變樣，就是眼睛變黃了，脖子周圍的羽毛也沒(méi)有以前厚了。
Carnie, I say. Carnie. Good boy. What do you want for dinner? I pull out a pack of sunflower seeds I had purchased down the road. I look at the white down on the bird's chest and think, Mom's voice is in there.
卡尼，好孩子，想吃東西嗎？我拿出了一包在路上買的瓜子。我看著他的胸脯，我媽媽的聲音就在里面。
Ike closes in on the cage. He waves his hands in front of the parrot's face.
艾克靠了過(guò)來(lái)，對(duì)著鸚鵡揮手。
Carnie? I ask. Want to sing some Patsy?
卡尼？想唱首佩茜的歌嗎？
For a half-hour, Ike and I coo and speak and dance, but the bird doesn't say a word. Beneath this wall of gray feathers is the last shard of my mother, and I feel myself growing increasingly desperate. How thick was her accent? Was her singing as beautiful as I remember? She always spoke sweetly to Carnie, and wanted to hear that sugary tone, the one she hadn't used with me in her last years.
半個(gè)小時(shí)，我和艾克又唱又跳又咕咕叫，但是鸚鵡一個(gè)詞都沒(méi)說(shuō)。想到他的灰色羽毛下面，存留著媽媽最后的碎片，我越發(fā)著急了。他的聲音還那么好嗎？他還像我記得的唱得一樣好嗎？媽媽對(duì)卡尼說(shuō)話的時(shí)候總是很溫柔，在她最后的幾年里很少這么跟我說(shuō)話。
How do you know this is the right bird? Ike asks.
你怎么知道這是你要找的鸚鵡？艾克問(wèn)。
I did my research, I say. And he hates me. He's spiting me with silence.
我調(diào)查過(guò)了。他還在討厭我，用冷漠懲罰我，我說(shuō)。
Please talk, Ike says to Carnie. Carnie bobs his head up and down and bites his leg, a gesture that strikes me as the bird equivalent of thumbing one's nose.
請(qǐng)說(shuō)句話吧，艾克說(shuō)。卡尼腦袋上上下下地來(lái)回動(dòng)，不斷快速地猛咬他的身體。他的這個(gè)動(dòng)作讓我感覺(jué)他在鄙視我。
Just say something, I think. Anything. Just let me hear her again.
說(shuō)點(diǎn)什么吧，什么都行，讓我再聽(tīng)聽(tīng)媽媽的聲音。
I'm surprised when I remember phone numbers and the alphabetical listing of all fifty states. But can't recall the funny way Mom said roof or Clorox. Not the rhyme she used to say about bad breath or the sound of the way she said good night. The longer Carnie goes without talking, the more I miss her.
我很驚訝我還能記得電話號(hào)碼和按字母表說(shuō)出50個(gè)州的名字，但是回憶不起媽媽說(shuō)“roof”和“Clorox”時(shí)有趣的方式。我想不起來(lái)她說(shuō)口臭時(shí)候用的詞和她說(shuō)晚安時(shí)候的聲音。卡尼越不說(shuō)話，我越想媽媽。
The morning we moved Mom into a home, the plumber came for Carnie. Mom's possessions had been boxed up and her furniture sold. She'd prepared a box for Carnie that contained his food, toys, water dish, spare newsprint, and a fabric square from one of her dresses. So he remembers me, she said.
我把媽媽送到療養(yǎng)院的那天早上，水管工來(lái)取卡尼。媽媽把她的東西裝箱，家具也賣了。她把卡尼的玩具、水盆、多余的報(bào)紙和她裙子上面剪下來(lái)的布都放在了一個(gè)箱子里。這樣他就不會(huì)忘了我了，媽媽說(shuō)。
