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在本期四六級考試專欄中，全國四六級考委會的夏國佐教授對讀者題為“Recreational activities”的作文進行了講評和改寫。這是2008年6月份的四級作文試題。按照四級作文評分標準，作文部分滿分15分，這篇文章得9分。如果你希望自己的文章得到夏教授的點評，請按下面要求寫出一篇短文，發到elt@21stcentury.com.cn。
Directions: For this part, you are allowed 30 minutes to write a short essay entitled “Recreational activities”. You should write at least 120 words following the outline given below.
1.娛樂活動多種多樣。 2.娛樂活動可以使人們受益，也可能帶來危害。 3.作為大學生，我認為……
讀者原文
Having finished a day’s hard work, we head home, with our exhausted body. At this moment, we need recreational activities to help us to relax and release our pressure. Fortunately, with the rapid development of ecnomic, there have a variety of recreational facilities here and there. So, we students have chances to participate in all kinds of activities as we like.
However, while as the old saying goes, every coin has two sides. When we enjoy ourselves, we may lose control of ourselves. For example, many students are so interested in playing computer games that they even lose interest in their study. One of my roommate is such a person. He became interested in computer games in the first year of our university. And now, he is crazy about it and spent most of time before the computer. To play games, he doesn’t take classes, doesn’t do his homework and even doesn’t take tests. I think it is very dangerous for him. I worry he might be driven out of the university if he continues to do this. I once talk to him and ask him not to play truancy but he said the teaching is so boring. He liked the games.
From my roommate’s example, I know recreational activities can do us good but it can also do harms. Personally, as college students, we should be aware of what we should do and should not do clearly. Above all, study is the first. Only strike a balance between recreational activities and study, can we live a happy life.
修改后的文章
After finishing a day’s hard work, we often go home feeling exhausted. At this time, we need recreational activities to help us relax and find release. Fortunately, with the rapid development of our economy, there are now a variety of recreational facilities available to us. So, we students have many chances to participate in all kinds of recreational activities.
However, as the old saying goes, every coin has two sides. While we are enjoying these activities, we can lose control of ourselves. For example, many students are so interested in playing computer games that they lose interest in their studies.
Among them is one of my roommates. He became interested in computer games in his first year of university. And now he is crazy about them and spends most of his time in front of the computer. Now completely addicted to computer games, he doesn’t go to class, do his homework, or even take tests. I am afraid he will be expelled from the university if he continues to act like this. I once talked to him and tried to persuade him not to skip school, but he said the lectures were boring and he liked games better.
From my roommate’s example, we can see that recreational activities can do us good and also do us harm. As college students, we should be fully aware of what we should and should not do. Whether you like it or not, study should come first. Only by striking a balance between recreational activities and study can we hope to make great achievements and live a happy life.
夏老師的點評
這篇作文寫得還算可以，達到了英語四級寫作的起碼要求，即基本能夠用英語書面表達自己的思想。文章內容豐富，觀點明確，例證也有說服力。不足的是語言基本功不夠扎實，句子結構、單詞拼寫及習慣搭配上都有相當多的錯誤。建議該生寫完初稿后，自己再多讀兩遍，盡量將語言錯誤自己改掉。沒有把握的地方可以查一查詞典，慢慢養成嚴謹的學習習慣。 下面是幾點具體的修改建議，供習作者參考
adj. 吸引人的，顯著的
n. 打擊
