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在本期四六級考試專欄中，全國四六級考委會的夏國佐教授對讀者題為“Recreational activities”的作文進行了講評和改寫。這是2008年6月份的四級作文試題。按照四級作文評分標準，作文部分滿分15分，這篇文章得14分。如果你希望自己的文章得到夏教授的點評，請按下面要求寫出一篇短文，發到elt@21stcentury.com.cn。
Directions: For this part, you are allowed 30 minutes to write a short essay entitled “Recreational activities”. You should write at least 120 words following the outline given below.
1.娛樂活動多種多樣。 2.娛樂活動可以使人們受益，也可能帶來危害。3.作為大學生，我認為……
讀者原文
Recreational activities
Long gone are the days when students came home from school, did their homework, previewed the content of the next day and then went to bed at 9 o’clock. Today, there is a world of recreational activities out there waiting for you, with countless choices from seeing a movie followed up with a romantic dinner with your girlfriend, to just hanging around with your fellows chatting and laughing. And it’s all up to you how to choose from all kinds of activities.
Recreational activities can certainly bring us good, as we all know for sure. With so much pressure upon our shoulders, we definitely need chances to relax. Besides, some recreational activities, say a concert, can broaden our horizons as well as entertain us, which is more than perfect. But every coin has two sides, as the old saying goes. Recreational activities can also bring us harm. Far too addicted to online games, many students failed in their exams and some are even expelled. Furthermore, activities which are not proper for us can also affect us psychologically. Failed to win a battle in the virtual world online, a 14-year-old boy ended up suicide, which is really horrible.
As a college student, I think we should choose our recreational activities properly and have a better control over ourselves, which means we should first of all know what is good for us and what is not, and then avoid getting addicted to it no matter how much we enjoy it. And if we do so, I believe our recreational activities will be more colorful, as well as beneficial.
修改后的文章
Recreational activities
Gone are the days when students came home from school, did their homework, previewed lessons for the next day and then went to bed at 9 o’clock. Today, there is a great variety of recreational activities out there waiting for you, from seeing a movie with your girlfriend and following it up with a romantic dinner to just hanging around with your friends, chatting and laughing. And it’s all up to you what you choose.
Recreational activities can certainly do us good. Facing so much pressure, we students definitely need chances to relax. Besides, some recreational activities, say a concert, can broaden our horizons as well as entertain us. But as the old saying goes, every coin has two sides. Recreational activities can also do us harm. Far too addicted to online games, many students fail in their exams. And some of them are even expelled from school. Furthermore, inappropriate activities can also affect our mental health. Failing to win a battle in the virtual world, a 14-year-old boy ended up committing suicide, which is really horrible.
As a college student, I think we should choose our recreational activities carefully. This means we should first of all know what is good for us and what is not. We should also have self control in order to avoid getting addicted to an activity, no matter how much we enjoy it. If we do so, I believe our recreational activities will bring us benefits and make our life more colorful.
