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“I’m sorry.” Those two little words can help patch things up after a fight with your significant other. But what your partner may prefer is for you to give up some power. So finds a study in the Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology.
“對不起”，可以在夫妻吵架后化解矛盾。但是你的伴侶可能更希望你不要太強勢。社會與臨床心理學雜志上的一項研究發現了這個結論。
Researchers looking through the literature say that all couples’ arguments boiled down to one of two issues: Perceived threat, where one person thinks their status is threatened by a critical partner, or perceived neglect, where one person feels their partner is either disloyal or inattentive.
研究人員通過查閱文獻表示，所有夫妻之間的爭吵歸根結底是兩個問題之一：第一個是“感知威脅”，一個人覺得他們的狀態被挑剔的另一半所威脅，或者另一個問題是“感知忽視”，一個人覺得他的另一半不忠誠或者對他有所疏忽。
For this latest study, researchers asked more than 400 married couples to list how they’d want to resolve a conflict. And the most desired resolution involved a relinquishing of power – either as a compromise, an admission of fault, a show of respect, or conceding more independence to the other partner. Other desired conflict resolutions included: investing in the relationship; halting adversarial behavior; more communication; more affection; and only last, was apologizing.
在這個最新的研究中，研究人員詢問了超過400對夫婦列出他們想解決沖突的方法。最想要的解決方法是不那么強勢--許一個承諾，承認錯誤，表示尊重或者承認另一半的獨立。另外更想要的解決方法是投入更多精力維護關系，停止敵對行為，加強交流，表現更多愛意，最后才是道歉。
Of course, the underlying complaint can determine the correct response. Flowers might be a good response to feelings of “perceived neglect.” But if the problem is “perceived threat,” well, roses might be construed as a delivery system for thorns.
當然，潛在的抱怨可以決定正確的回應。應對“感知忽視”最好的回應是送花，但是如果問題是“感知威脅”，那么送玫瑰花兒可能被理解為故意找刺。
—Christie NIcholson
