聲音簡介：前段時間提名了六項奧斯卡的電影《婚姻故事》很火，不知道你們去看了沒有。

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【英文參考】

A stage director Charlie and his actress wife Nicole are struggling through a divorce.

斯嘉麗飾演的女主Nicole說，"It's not as simple as not being in love anymore."

離婚并不只是我們不愛彼此了那么簡單。相反，他們其實仍愛著對方。

So when Nicole was asked to describe her husband, she says,

I fell in love with him just two seconds after I met him. And I will never stop loving him. Even though it doesn't make sense anymore.

Nicole回憶說自己當初對Charlie一見鐘情，只花了兩秒鐘就愛上了他。而且永遠不會停止愛他，盡管現在已經沒有意義了。

而Charlie也是被動離婚，他一開始接到離婚通知書很驚訝，以為是開玩笑。

他們之間最大的問題，不是不夠愛，而是不會溝通。

當Nicole被調解員要求描述她的丈夫，她說：

He cries easily in movies. He's very self-sufficient. He can darn a sock, and cook himself dinner, and iron a shirt. He rarely gets defeated, which I feel like I always do. Charlie takes all of my moods steadily. He doesn't give in to them, or make me feel bad about them...He's very competitive. He loves being a dad. He loves all the things you're supposed to hate, like the tantrums, the waking up at night. It's almost annoying how much he likes it, but then it's mostly nice...He disappears into his own world.

What I love about Charlie. Charlie is undaunted. He never lets other people's opinions, or any setbacks keep him from what he wants to do.

她說了很多小細節，能看出他們十年的婚姻讓彼此對彼此都很熟悉。但Nicole喜歡的Charlie身上的點，像他從來不讓別人的觀點影響自己的判斷，他永遠不被打倒，永遠淡定，當Nicole向他吐露自己的糟糕情緒的時候，Charlie也總是"takes all her moods steadily, doesn't give in to them." 很淡定地面對她的發泄，或許很多是無視。

而當Charlie描述Nicole的時候，他說：

What I love about Nicole. She makes people feel comfortable about even embarrassing things. She really listens when someone is talking. Sometimes she listens too much for too long.

Nicole很擅長傾聽，有時候聽了太多太長時間。

Nicole gives great presents. She is a mother who plays, really plays. She never steps off playing, or says it's too much. And it must be too much some of the time. She's competitive. She's amazing at opening jars because of her strong arms, which I've always found very sexy. She keeps the fridge over-full. No one is ever hungry in our house. She can drive a stick. After that movie, All Over The Girl, she could have stayed in LA and been a movie star, but she gave that up to do theater with me in New York. She's brave.

Charlie說Nicole是個很好的媽媽，會陪孩子玩，會用自己強有力的手臂擰開罐頭，永遠不會讓家里人餓著。她本可以是個電影明星，但她為了我放棄了。She's Brave. Charlie認為她很勇敢。

但Nicole卻說，I got smaller. 我覺得自己變得更渺小了。He didn't see me as separate from himself. 他沒有把我和他分開。

Nicole: In the beginning, I was the actress, the star, and that felt like something, you know. People came to see me at first, but the farther away I got from that, and the more acclaim the theater company got, I had less and less weight. I just became, "Who?" "Well, you know, the actress that was in that thing that time." And he was the draw. And that would've been fine, but I got smaller. I realized I didn't ever really come alive for myself. I was just feeding his aliveness.

Nicole卻在這十年里喪失了自我。她曾經是最耀眼的那個演員，大家都涌過來看她。而到后來，因為時時配合丈夫的事業，he became the draw. Charlie成了焦點。

這讓Nicole覺得非常有落差。

后來當Nicole重新開始演戲,她以為會迎來Charlie的支持，但并沒有。

Nicole says to her lawyer Nora,

And I was embarrassed about it in front of him, but it was also like, "Yeah, this is who I am, and this is what I'm worth." And maybe it's stupid, but at least it's mine. And if he had just taken me into a big hug and said, "Baby, I'm so excited for your adventure. Of course I want you to have a piece of earth that's yours." Well, then, we might not be getting divorced. But he made fun of it, and was jealous like he is, and then he realized about the money.

Nicole覺得自己終于找回了自己的一小片天地,she wants to have a piece of earth that's hers. 但Charlie卻只想著這讓自己的戲院損失了多少錢。

如果當時Charlie給她的反應是oh baby，我太為你高興了，你又重新做回了你自己。或許他們就不用離婚了。

也正是這些落差，徹底擊垮了Nicole. 她決定離婚。

But is Charlie the only one to be blamed? I don't think so.

When Nicole explains that Charlie ruined her life, and that he tried to control her, he reminds her that she chose her life with him.

You and I both know you chose this life. You wanted it until you didn't. You liked this life until you decided you hated it.

曾經也是Nicole自己選擇了這樣的生活。只是后來后知后覺，她并不喜歡。

而她，也沒有及時向Charlie表述自己的不滿，自己想做出改變等等。直到要離婚，Charlie還很意外。

如此種種都是因為他們的溝通出現了問題。

Just like what Nicole says at the beginning, "It's not as simple as not being in love anymore."

They both know they deeply love each other. But they didn't dare to face their problems until they file a divorce, and looking for lawyers to find the best solution.

這次的離婚，反而逼著他們撕破臉去直面婚姻里的問題，去坦誠地溝通。

這或許也是這部影片引起那么多人共鳴的原因。雖然不是大家都在經歷婚姻經歷離婚，但每個人每一天都在和別人做溝通，都遇到過誤會。

傾聽和溝通，不光在婚姻里是必需品，在日常生活中也一樣。

Julian Treasure曾經在一個TED演講里分享他的學會傾聽的方法。其中最重要的總結是一個acronym，梵文的縮寫RASA. which means essence, 本質。

Julian says,

RASA stands for "Receive," which means paying attention to the person; "Appreciate," means making little noises like "hmm," "oh," "OK"; "Summarize" -- the word "so" is very important in communication; and "Ask," to ask questions afterwards.

R意味著receive，接受。也就是要把注意力放在對方身上。A是appreciate，感激，要做出嗯，噢，好的之類的一些最起碼的回應。S意味著So，總結。別人說完后幫著總結。最后一個A是ask，針對對方的內容提出問題。

RASA is a perfect rule for a good communication: to receive, to appreciate, to summarize, and to ask.

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