評論
打印
And the key here is to accept that it will always be part of one's life and then to say,
所以現在的關鍵就是接受它一直都是我們生活的一部分這個事實
all right, so what do I do now? In other words, it is about then taking action. Behavior.
然后問 “好的 那我該怎么辦？” 換句話說就是采取行動
So for example, it's about coping, putting ourselves on the line.
所以舉例來說 就是怎么應對 把自己置于線上
What I did initially, when I first realized that perfectionism and my defensiveness,
我最初所做的 在我留意到我的完美主義與自衛性的時候
I would go out of my way and solicit criticism. And I would ask people, "so you know give me feedback about it."
我會撇開我的做法并且請求批評 我會問別人“給我點反饋吧”
And when I received negative feedback, things that were actually deviations from the straight line,
當我收到負面的反饋的時候 和我的直線有所偏離的時候
I literally held myself from you know pouncing back.
我就阻止自己回擊
You know the best form of defenses is attack very often for perfectionist.
你們也知道 對于完美主義者來說最好的防守就是進攻
And slowly I got used to it. And I became far less defensive.
慢慢地我就習慣了 我沒那么有自衛性了
And I was able to create much higher levels of intimacy.
我得以創造更高層次的親密關系
Or I put myself on the line in other areas, where I potentially would experience a no.
或者我開始嘗試別的領域 那里我可能會遭到否定
So let me end with a quick story. Her name is Brittaney. She was a show girl. At least to me she was.
讓我以一個故事來結尾吧 她的名字叫布列塔尼 她是一個展場女郎 至少我這么認為
We met freshman week. And we really hit it off. We spent almost the entire freshman week out.
我們在大學第一周時認識 我對她一見鐘情 我們幾乎整個第一周都在一起
And at the end of the freshman week, wanting to overcome my perfectionism,
到那一周的周末 為了克服我的完美主義
I asked her out. And she said no. It surprised me, def me, hurt me. But she said no.
我約她出來 她拒絕了 這讓我很吃驚 很受傷 但是她確實拒絕了
My sophomore year, we met again. And again, I asked her out. And this time she said no.
在大學第二年 我們又見面了 我再次約她出來 她又拒絕了
Junior year, toward the end of my junior year, I dated someone.
第三年 在年末的時候 我和另一個人約會了
So Brittaney was out of the equation. And then we met again-my senior year.
所以布列塔尼就出局了 然后我們又見面了 在我大四的時候
We had an amazing conversation. By that time I already studied psychology.
我們談了些有趣的話題 那時候我已經開始學習心理學了
I could also read her body language. She did a lot of this with her hair.
我也可以讀懂她的身體語言 她經常這么弄她的頭發
And I knew that she really liked me. And I asked her out. And she said no.
然后我知道她確實很喜歡我 然后我約她出來 她拒絕了
And I'm still here with you. And that was an important learning process.
然后我就還留在這里和你們在一起 這就是個很重要的學習過程
Learn to fail or fail to learn. I'll see you in next week.
學會失敗 或敗于學習 我們下周見
