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From what I've now learnt, my actions that night in 1996 were a self-centered taking.
現在我已經意識到，1996年那個晚上，我作出的是一個以自我為中心的行為。
I felt deserving of Thordis's body.
我認為我應當得到Thordis的身體。
I've had primarily positive social influences and examples of equitable behavior around me.
我身邊一直以來主要都是積極的社會影響，以及公平作為的例子，
But on that occasion, I chose to draw upon the negative ones.
但在那個場合，我卻選擇利用消極的那些。
The ones that see women as having less intrinsic worth,
它們把女性看做有（比男性）更少內在價值，
and of men having some unspoken and symbolic claim to their bodies.
認為男性對女性的身體有著不言自明、象征性的權利。
These influences I speak of are external to me, though.
盡管我提到的這些影響并不來自我本身。
And it was only me in that room making choices, nobody else.
但只有我自己在那個房間里作出了選擇，而非其他人。
When you own something and really square up to your culpability, I do think a surprising thing can happen.
當你擁有一些什么讓你真正地有決心面對罪惡感時，我認為的確可能發生令人驚訝的事情。
It's what I call a paradox of ownership. I thought I'd buckle under the weight of responsibility.
這就是我說的擁有所帶來的矛盾。我原以為我會背負責任的重擔。
I thought my certificate of humanity would be burnt.
我原以為，我人性的證明將付之一炬。
Instead, I was offered to really own what I did, and found that it didn't possess the entirety of who I am.
相反，我卻被給予機會，去真正承認我曾做過的事情，然后發現那并不能完整地體現我是誰。
Put simply, something you've done doesn't have to constitute the sum of who you are. The noise in my head abated.
簡單地說，你曾做過的事并不必然會構成你的全部。我腦中的噪音變少。
The indulgent self-pity was starved of oxygen, and it was replaced with the clean air of acceptance
曾經被放縱的自怨自艾，像是極度缺氧，而它卻被如清新空氣一般的接受所替代，
an acceptance that I did hurt this wonderful person standing next to me;
接受我的確傷害了站在我身邊的這位美好的女性；
an acceptance that I am part of a large and shockingly everyday grouping of men who have been sexually violent toward their partners.
接受我同樣屬于日常生活中一直對伴侶有性暴力的、龐大且令人驚訝的男性的一員。
