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I showed up wearing two different-colored shoes to make a major presentation to an audience of 230 people.
我穿著兩只不同顏色的鞋出現了，對著230名觀眾做一次重大的陳述。
This guy came into my Walmart back room, put on a vest, picked up the biggest TV, put it on a cart, dropped it, and then asked me to help lift it.
有個家伙走進我在沃爾瑪的后室，穿上一件背心，拿起最大的電視，把它放在手推車上，把它扔掉，然后讓我幫忙把它抬起來。
The guy thanked me and left with his brand-new TV that I'd helped him steal.
這個家伙謝了我，然后帶著我幫他偷的全新電視離開了。
At the end of a phone call, I told my boss I loved him.
在掛電話的時候，我告訴老板我愛他。
I caught myself, but started rambling: "Oh my God! I didn't mean that.
我控制住自己，但是開始亂扯：“我的天，我不是這個意思。
I absolutely don't love you ... No, I mean, I like working for you but I know you're married and I'm married, and I'm not flirting, so please don't report me to HR ..."
我肯定不愛你...不，我的意思是，我喜歡為你工作，但是我知道你已經結婚了，我也結婚了。我沒有在調情，所以請不要把這個報告給HR...”
At some point, he just hung up.
在某個時間，他把電話掛掉了。
I once sent a company-wide virus warning by forwarding an e-mail
我曾經通過轉發電子郵件向全公司發出病毒警告，
so people could see what it looked like should they receive one and forgetting to remove the infected attachment.
這樣人們就能看到如果他們接受了一個而忘記移除受感染的附件是什么樣子。
On my first day of work, I accidentally called my boss "Daddy."
我第一天上班的時候，我錯誤地叫我的老板“父親”。
When I was a teenager, I applied for a job at a hospital gift shop and was so pumped when I got the call that they wanted me.
當我是個青少年的時候，我申請了一個醫院禮品店的工作，我接到他們錄取我的電話時非常高興。
When I showed up for my first shift, the manager gave me the weirdest look, then told me to wait while she called someone.
當我第一次上夜班的時候，經理用最奇怪的眼神看了我，然后讓我等她給別人打電話。
Turns out that they interviewed two girls named Jessica and meant to hire the other one. They offered me a candy bar "for my trouble." I'm still bitter.
結果是他們面試了兩個叫杰西卡的姑娘，他們想錄取的是另外一個。給我帶來了不便，他們給了我一個糖果。我現在還苦澀。
Dumb applicants. Looking for a job? Make sure your resume is up to snuff. A lot of job seekers don't, and we've pulled together some actual blunders to prove it.
愚蠢的求職者。在找工作嗎？確保你的簡歷是狀況良好的。很多的求職者的簡歷都不好。我們收集了一些實際的錯誤來證明這一點。
Objective. "To secure a position as a front office."
目標：“尋找一個前臺職位?！?/div>
Employment history. Last job: "Drove a toe truck." Before that: "Worked in the dessert."
工作經歷。上一份工作：“開卡車。”那之前：“在沙漠中工作?！?/div>
讀者文摘:最搞笑的職場段子之愚蠢老板篇(2) 2019-06-19
讀者文摘:最搞笑的職場段子之愚蠢顧客篇(3) 2019-06-21
讀者文摘:我認為我是無辜的(1) 2019-06-26
讀者文摘:我認為我是無辜的(2) 2019-06-28
讀者文摘:我認為我是無辜的(3) 2019-07-01
And before that: "Oversaw all new corporate accusations." "Responsibilities included recruiting, interviewing, and executing final candidates."
在那之前：“監督所有新公司的指控?！甭氊煱ㄕ衅?、面試和執行最終候選人。
And before that one: "Watered, groomed, and fed the family dog for years."
在這個之前：“給家里的狗洗澡、梳洗，喂養多年。”
Skills. "Perfectionist with a keen I for details." "Being bilingual in 3 languages." "Natural born larder." References. "Clare."
技能?！巴昝乐髁x者，對細節有敏銳的洞察力?！薄熬ㄈN雙語?！薄疤焐氖称肥?。”介紹信?！翱巳R爾”。
Compensation. "Current salary: $36,000. Salary desired: $223,000."
報酬?！爱斚滦劫Y：36000美元。期望薪資：223000美元?！?/div>
?
Interests. "I enjoy cooking Chinese and Italians."
興趣。“我喜歡做中國菜和意大利菜?！?/div>
"My three biggest hobbies are cars, racquetball, golf, and reading."
“我的三個最大的愛好是汽車，壁球、高爾夫球和閱讀?！?/div>
"I like doughnuts, cupcakes, chocolate, and ice cream. Together." "Honestly, I like doing nothing."
“我喜歡甜甜圈、紙杯蛋糕、巧克力和冰淇淋。在一起吃?！薄罢f實話，我什么都不喜歡做?！?/div>
Education. "Graduated in 2911."
教育。“畢業于2911年?！?/p>
| 重點單詞 | 查看全部解釋 | |||
| slide | [slaid] |
想一想再看 vi. 滑，滑動，滑入，悄悄地溜走 |
||
| resume | [ri'zju:m] |
想一想再看 v. 再繼續，重新開始 |
聯想記憶 | |
| candy | ['kændi] |
想一想再看 n. 糖果 |
||
| shift | [ʃift] |
想一想再看 n. 交換，變化，移動，接班者 |
||
| avoid | [ə'vɔid] |
想一想再看 vt. 避免，逃避 |
聯想記憶 | |
| determined | [di'tə:mind] |
想一想再看 adj. 堅毅的，下定決心的 |
||
| presentation | [.prezen'teiʃən] |
想一想再看 n. 陳述，介紹，贈與 |
聯想記憶 | |
| reform | [ri'fɔ:m] |
想一想再看 v. 改革，改造，革新 |
聯想記憶 | |
| remove | [ri'mu:v] |
想一想再看 v. 消除，除去，脫掉，搬遷 |
聯想記憶 | |
| objective | [əb'dʒektiv] |
想一想再看 adj. 客觀的，目標的 |
聯想記憶 |
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