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Here are some questions for you:
這里有一些問題要問你：
Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you invite to dinner?
如果讓你選擇世界上一個人和你共進(jìn)晚餐，你會邀請誰?
Would you like to be famous?
你想出名嗎?
What are you most grateful for?
你最感激什么?
And that's just the beginning.
這僅僅是個開始。
Is there something you've dreamed of doing for a long time?
有沒有什么事是你長久以來一直夢想去做的?
Yeah? Well, why haven't you done it yet?
是嗎？那你為什么還沒做呢?
Or what about: if you were to die today, without the chance to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not saying?
或者：如果你今天死了，沒有機會和任何人交流，你最后悔沒有說什么?
And why haven't you said it yet?
你為什么還沒說呢?
Okay, that got a little intense.
好吧，有點緊張哈。
But it was supposed to.
就應(yīng)該這樣。
These are just a few of the 36 questions that have earned the reputation of being able to make people fall in love—
這些只是讓人墜入愛河的36個問題中的幾個問題——
thanks to a viral New York Times article.
多虧了《紐約時報》一篇文章。
Which is bonkers, right?
很瘋狂，對吧?
But the psychology paper they came from, which was published in 1997, is legit.
但1997年發(fā)表這篇心理學(xué)論文是合法的。
And it's helped us learn a lot about how telling other people about ourselves can deepen relationships of all kinds.
它幫助我們了解到告訴別人關(guān)于我們自己的事情如何加深各種關(guān)系。
The original paper consisted of three fairly similar experiments, where undergrads in a psychology class were paired with a classmate they didn't know well.
最初的論文由三個相似的實驗組成，心理學(xué)專業(yè)的本科生和一個他們不太熟悉的同學(xué)配對。
Many pairs included one man and one woman, but quite a few pairs had two women—
男女一組的很多，但兩個女生一組的相當(dāng)多——
just because of who was taking the classes.
只是因為有人在上課。
They were given 45 minutes and 3 sets of questions to talk about, which got progressively more personal.
這些人要在45分鐘內(nèi)討論3組問題，這些問題越來越私人化。
And at the end, they were given tests to evaluate how much they liked each other and whether they would want to work together again.
最后，研究人員對其進(jìn)行了測試，以評估他們有多喜歡對方，以及是否愿意再次合作。
Pretty straightforward, right?
很簡單，對吧?
And overall, the researchers analyzed 190 pairs of students and a few variables.
總的來說，研究人員分析了190對學(xué)生和一些變量。
For instance, they wanted to know what would happen when students were paired with someone they shared values with,
例如，他們想知道當(dāng)學(xué)生和有著共同價值觀的人配對，
or with someone they'd been told they'd probably like.
或者和被告知可能會喜歡的人在一起時會發(fā)生什么。
Most of these things didn't have much of an effect.
大多數(shù)沒有什么效果。
But the researchers did find that increasingly personal questions led to stronger feelings of liking and closeness than small talk prompts—
但研究人員確實發(fā)現(xiàn)，越來越多的私人問題比閑聊更能讓人產(chǎn)生好感和親密感，
like the last time you went to the zoo.
就像上次去動物園一樣。
And yes, they did follow up with the pairs afterwards and some of them did stay close.
是的，他們在實驗結(jié)束后確實對這些人進(jìn)行了跟蹤調(diào)查，其中一些人確實保持了密切的聯(lián)系。
One pair even got married and invited the whole research team.
一對甚至結(jié)婚了，還邀請了整個研究團隊。
But that wasn't the point.
但這不是重點。
The study wasn't about romantic love.
這項研究不是關(guān)于浪漫愛情的。
It was about any kind of temporary intimacy, which the researchers described as incorporating someone else into your sense of self.
這是一種暫時的親密關(guān)系，研究人員稱其為將他人融入自我意識。
In fact, happily-ever-after was so not the point that the researchers said they always carefully debriefed their subjects.
事實上，幸福永遠(yuǎn)不是重點，研究人員說，他們總是認(rèn)真聽取受試者的描述。
They emphasized that this was an unusual way to form a relationship, and that the students shouldn't feel any obligation to their partners.
他們強調(diào)，這是一種非同尋常地建立關(guān)系的方式，學(xué)生不應(yīng)該感到對他們的伴侶有任何義務(wù)。
The actual point of this study was pretty simple: studying relationships is hard.
這項研究的真正目的很簡單：研究人際關(guān)系是困難的。
Sure, you can study people who are already besties.
當(dāng)然，你可以研究那些已經(jīng)是好朋友的人。
And psychologists definitely do that, but it's not easy to standardize pre-existing relationships—and doing so could affect the results.
心理學(xué)家確實是這樣做的，但是要使已經(jīng)存在的關(guān)系標(biāo)準(zhǔn)化并不容易——這可能會影響研究結(jié)果。
How close are they, and how long have they been close?
他們有多親密?他們親密多久了?
What brought them together?
是什么讓他們走到一起的?
It's hard to base an objective study and draw conclusions from something so fuzzy.
很難從如此模糊的事物中得出客觀的研究和結(jié)論。
To try and get around this problem, some researchers have used speed dating to test their hypotheses.
為解決這一問題，一些研究人員使用閃電約會來驗證他們的假設(shè)。
It's a good idea, but because speed dating is so brief, it's mostly appropriate for studying initial romantic attraction than other types of closeness.
這是個好主意，但由于閃電約會時間太短，最適合研究最初的浪漫吸引力，而不是其他類型的親密關(guān)系。
So in the 1990s, these researchers developed their own procedure to try and study temporary intimacy in the lab.
所以在20世紀(jì)90年代，這些研究人員自己開發(fā)了程序，試圖在實驗室里研究暫時的親密關(guān)系。
They wanted it to be easy to replicate and not too time-consuming.
他們希望能找到易于復(fù)制，且不太耗時的方法。
And it seems to work!
似乎起作用了!
Their procedure been used a lot since then, mostly to study a process called self-disclosure,
從那以后，他們的方法被廣泛使用，主要用于研究自我表露，
which is basically telling or showing people things about yourself.
也就是告訴別人或者向別人展示自己。
Even before this 1997 study,
甚至在1997年這項研究之前，
there was a lot of research about self-disclosure out there, suggesting that it's important to starting and building a close relationship with friends, family, or a romantic partner.
很多關(guān)于自我表露的研究表明，與朋友、家人或戀人建立親密關(guān)系非常重要。
But the studies that have used this method to induce closeness in the lab have learned a whole bunch of stuff.
但是用這種方法誘導(dǎo)親密感的試驗研究已經(jīng)收獲頗豐。
For example, we think that taking turns self-disclosing can build intimacy more effectively than one-sided sharing.
例如，我們認(rèn)為，輪流自我表露比單方面分享更能有效地建立親密關(guān)系。
And it's the experience of someone sharing stuff with you that makes you feel closer to them, not the act of sharing yourself.
讓你覺得更親近的不是分享自己的經(jīng)歷而是別人和你分享他們的經(jīng)歷。
One study found that social anxiety makes telling someone about yourself less effective at building closeness.
一項研究發(fā)現(xiàn)，社交焦慮會讓你在建立親密關(guān)系方面的效果大打折扣。
While another found that moving in sync with someone else—
而另一人則發(fā)現(xiàn)，與他人同步移動——
for instance, going through two versions of an assignment to check them against each other—can make it more effective.
例如，兩人做同一項任務(wù)，以便相互對照，在建立親密關(guān)系方面更有效。
Today, a lot of the research in this field is looking into self-disclosure on the Internet.
如今，這一領(lǐng)域的許多研究都著眼于在互聯(lián)網(wǎng)上自我表露。
And psychologists think that it also makes people feel close.
心理學(xué)家認(rèn)為，這也能讓人感覺親近。
Studying this can be kind of tricky, though, because we change how much we share about ourselves on different platforms.
然而，這一問題研究起來可能有點棘手，因為我們在不同平臺上分享關(guān)于自己信息的多少是不同的。
So overall, researchers agree that self-disclosure does create intimacy and build relationships.
因此，總的來說，研究人員認(rèn)為，自我表露確實能讓關(guān)系親密并建立人際關(guān)系。
But it's important to remember that there's a time and a place for those sorts of deep conversations.
但重要的是要記住，得有時間和地點進(jìn)行這種深入交談。
Like, you can't just start shouting things about yourself at people.
比如，你不能開始對別人大喊大叫。
There's actually research showing that the receptiveness and responsiveness of whoever's listening to your self-disclosures is really important.
事實上，有研究表明，傾聽別人自我表露的接受能力和反應(yīng)能力非常重要。
A 2004 study of 98 couples found that it really mattered when someone felt like their self-disclosures were being heard by their partners.
2004年，一項針對98對夫婦的研究發(fā)現(xiàn)，有人覺得自我表露被伴侶聽到真的很重要。
Specifically, it increased how much the bond was strengthened when their partner shared stuff.
具體來說，當(dāng)他們的伴侶分享東西時，關(guān)系會增強。
And another study found that wanting to be close to someone was enough to create anticipatory feelings of closeness—
另一項研究發(fā)現(xiàn)，渴望親近某人，
even before the self-disclosures started.
甚至在自我揭露開始之前就足以產(chǎn)生預(yù)期的親密感。
So yes, people who answer those 36 questions can fall in love, but you shouldn't count on them to do the trick.
所以，是的，回答這36個問題的人會墜入愛河，但你不應(yīng)該指望有效。
Really, this procedure is just a cool tool to help scientists better understand these weird, messy, beautiful things we call relationships.
真的，這個程序只是一個很棒的工具，幫助科學(xué)家更好地理解這些奇怪、混亂、美妙的關(guān)系。
Thanks for watching this episode of SciShow Psych, where we really value our relationships with everyone who watches and supports our videos—
感謝收看本期心理科學(xué)秀，我們非常珍惜與每一個觀看和支持我們節(jié)目的人的關(guān)系
especially our Patreon patrons.
特別是Patreon。
We couldn't do this without you!
我們不能沒有你!
If you want to join our community and help us out, you can go to patreon.com/scishow.
如果你想加入我們的社區(qū)并幫助我們，可以訪問patreon.com/scishow。
