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Strangely, these revelations didn't cure my low self-esteem, that feeling of otherness.
奇怪的是，這些啟示并沒有治愈我那缺少的自尊，那種被劃為另類的感覺。
My desire to disappear was still very powerful.
我渴望消失的想法依舊十分強烈。
I had a degree from Cambridge; I had a thriving career,
我有一個劍橋的學位，我的事業蒸蒸日上，
but my self was a car crash, and I wound up with bulimia and on a therapist's couch.
但我的自我卻如同一場車禍，最終我患上貪食癥并接受治療。
And of course I did. I still believed my self was all I was.
我當然會這樣。我依舊相信我的自我就是我的全部。
I still valued self-worth above all other worth, and what was there to suggest otherwise?
我依舊認為自我價值高于其余任何價值，不然還能怎樣呢？
We've created entire value systems and a physical reality to support the worth of self.
我們創造了整個價值系統以及一個客觀的現實，用以支持自我的價值。
Look at the industry for self-image and the jobs it creates, the revenue it turns over.
看看由個人形象帶動的產業，還有它提供的工作以及它創造的價值。
We'd be right in assuming that the self is an actual living thing. But it's not.
我們可能會假設這個自我是真實存在的。但我們錯了。
It's a projection which our clever brains create in order to cheat ourselves from the reality of death.
這只是一個投影，是由我們聰明的大腦創造出來的，來欺騙我們自己無需面對死亡的現實。
But there is something that can give the self ultimate and infinite connection -- and that thing is oneness, our essence.
但總有一些事能賦予自我終極無盡的聯系，那就是同一性，我們的本源。
The self's struggle for authenticity and definition will never end unless it's connected to its creator -- to you and to me.
自我對于真實性和定義的掙扎永遠不會停止，除非自我能夠與創造者相連，與你，與我。
And that can happen with awareness -- awareness of the reality of oneness and the projection of self-hood.
這和意識的覺醒一同存在，意識到同一性的現實以及自我的投影。
For a start, we can think about all the times when we do lose ourselves.
一開始，我們可以想想那些我們失去自我的時候。
It happens when I dance, when I'm acting. I'm earthed in my essence, and my self is suspended.
當我跳舞時，表演時，我根植于我的本源，我的自我被抑制了。
In those moments, I'm connected to everything -- the ground, the air, the sounds, the energy from the audience.
在那些時刻，我與萬物相連，大地，空氣，聲音，觀眾的能量。
All my senses are alert and alive in much the same way as an infant might feel -- that feeling of oneness.
我的所有感官都是警覺和鮮活的，如同一個嬰兒感受到的一般，那種同一性的感覺。
