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Another world was opening up around this time: performance and dancing.
在這個時候，另一個世界出現(xiàn)了：那就是表演和舞蹈。
That nagging dread of self-hood didn't exist when I was dancing.
對于自我糾纏不清的恐懼，在我跳舞時并不存在。
I'd literally lose myself. And I was a really good dancer.
我像是失去了自己。我是一個好的舞蹈演員。
I would put all my emotional expression into my dancing.
我會把我所有的感情投入到舞蹈中去。
I could be in the movement in a way that I wasn't able to be in my real life, in myself.
在舞蹈中，我能完成我在現(xiàn)實中自己無法做到的動作。
And at 16, I stumbled across another opportunity, and I earned my first acting role in a film.
當(dāng)我16歲時，我無意中遇到另一個機遇，得到了我的第一個電影角色。
I can hardly find the words to describe the peace I felt when I was acting.
我難以找到言語來形容在表演中。
My dysfunctional self could actually plug in to another self, not my own, and it felt so good.
我感受到的平靜，我那殘缺的自我，終于融入了不是我自己的另一個自我，這種感覺真好。
It was the first time that I existed inside a fully-functioning self
那是我第一次存在于一個正常運作的自我，
one that I controlled, that I steered, that I gave life to.
一個我可以控制的、可以操縱的、可以賦予生命的自我。
But the shooting day would end, and I'd return to my gnarly, awkward self.
但是拍攝的日子終會結(jié)束，我也會回到我那扭曲尷尬的自我。
