Every time I was called on in class, I was sure that I was about to embarrass myself.
每次在課上被點名時,我都覺得自己肯定會當眾出丑;
Every time I took a test, I was sure that it had gone badly.
每次考試時,我都覺得自己肯定會考砸。
And every time I didn't embarrass myself—or even excelled—I believed that I had fooled everyone yet again.
然而,當我沒有出丑甚至是表現很出色時,我又覺得自己再次欺騙了大家。
One day soon, the jig would be up.
而且,總有一天,好戲會收場的。
At the joint reception that followed the ceremony—an after-party for nerds,
在入會儀式之后的聯合招待會(也就是為書呆子們準備的后續派對)上,
so I fit right in—I told one of my male classmates about Dr. McIntosh's fantastic speech explaining how we all feel like frauds.
我跟一位男同學提起了麥金托什博士關于“招搖撞騙的感覺”的精彩演講。
He looked at me, confused, and asked, "Why would that be interesting?"
他看著我,表情困惑,問道:“你為什么會覺得這種話題很有趣呢?”
Carrie and I later joked that the speech to the men was probably something like "How to Cope in a World Where Not Everyone Is as Smart as You."
后來,卡麗和我開玩笑:對男人來說,那次演講大概就像在講“怎樣應付一個所有人都不如你聰明的世界”。
This phenomenon of capable people being plagued by self-doubt has a name—the impostor syndrome.
有能力的人因自我懷疑而苦惱,這種現象有它的學名——“冒充者綜合征”。
Both men and women are susceptible to the impostor syndrome, but women tend to experience it more intensely and be more limited by it.
無論男女都容易出現這樣的癥狀,但女性會更嚴重,也會更多地受其限制。
Even the wildly successful writer and actress Tina Fey has admitted to these feelings.
即使是很出色、非常成功的喜劇演員蒂娜·菲也承認自己有這樣的感覺。
She once explained to a British newspaper, "The beauty of the impostor syndrome is you vacillate between extreme egomania, and a complete feeling of: 'I'm a fraud! Oh god, they're on to me! I'm a fraud!'
她曾對一家英國報紙說:“冒充者綜合征妙就妙在,它讓你總是在兩種感覺中搖擺不定:要么自我迷戀,要么就會想‘我是個騙子。天哪,他們都中招了!我是個騙子!’
So you just try to ride the egomania when it comes and enjoy it, and then slide through the idea of fraud.
于是,在自我迷戀出現時,你只是試著駕馭它、享受它,然后就漸漸開始覺得自己是在欺騙別人。
Seriously, I've just realized that almost everyone is a fraud, so I try not to feel too bad about it."
說真的,我已經意識到,幾乎每個人都是‘騙子’,所以我嘗試著不讓自己感覺太過糟糕。”