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When winter weather set in, the temperatures dropped below freezing.
當冬天來臨的時候，溫度驟降到零度以下。
And they stayed there. And I faced a whole new set of challenges.
然后就一直這么冷。我又遇到了一堆新問題，
I parked a different place every night so I would avoid being noticed and hassled by the police. I didn't always succeed.
每晚我的車都停在不同的地方。這樣才可以不讓警察發現以至于和警察爭吵。當然，并不是每次都成功。
But I felt out of control of my life. And I don't know when or how it happened,
但是，我覺得我已無力掌控自己的生活了。我也不知道什么時候或者是如何發生的，
but the speed at which I went from being a talented writer and journalist to being a homeless woman, living in a van, took my breath away.
我這么快就從一個有才的寫手，新聞從業者變成一個無家可歸，住在車里的女人這簡直是快的難以置信。
I hadn't changed. My I.Q. hadn't dropped.
我并沒有變。我的智商沒有降低。
My talent, my integrity, my values, everything about me remained the same.
我的才能，我的正直，我的價值，所有關于我的這些東西都還是一樣。
But I had changed somehow. I spiraled deeper and deeper into a depression.
但是從某種程度上，我還是改變了，我越來越沮喪，像一個漩渦一樣不斷地往下沉。
And eventually someone referred me to a homeless health clinic.
后來有人介紹我去一個專為無家可歸之人開的健康診所。
And I went. I hadn't bathed in three days. I was as smelly and as depressed as anyone in line.
我去了。我有三天都沒有洗澡了，我和其他那些排隊的人一樣沮喪，身上的味道也很難聞。
I just wasn't drunk or high. And when several of the homeless men realized that,
我只是沒有喝醉或者興奮。當一些無家可歸的人意識到，
including a former university professor, they said, "You aren't homeless. Why are you really here?"
包括一個以前在大學任教的教授，他們說：“你不是無家可歸，你真正在這里的原因是什么？”
Other homeless people didn't see me as homeless, but I did.
其他的無家可歸的人不把我當作是無家可歸的人看待。但是我自己是這么認為的。
Then the professor listened to my story and he said,
后來，教授聽了我的故事后他說，
"You have a job. You have hope. The real homeless don't have hope."
“你有工作，有希望。真正無家可歸的人并沒有希望可言?！?/div>
A reaction to the medication the clinic gave me for my depression left me suicidal.
診所針對我沮喪開的藥物的副作用讓我有點自殺的傾向。
And I remember thinking, "If I killed myself, no one would notice."
我還記得當時想，“如果我自殺了，可能沒人會發現的?！?/p>
