評論
打印
Winning or Losing an Argument
一場爭論的輸贏
Have you ever had an argument with someone important to you? Did you win or lose? Do you love the feeling when the opposing argument gets shut down, and your opponent conforms to your opinion? Is that your ultimate goal? What about how your opponent feels? Do you care?
你有和別人進行過對你很重要的爭論嗎？你贏了還是輸了？你喜歡那種讓對方無話可說屈從于你的觀點的感覺嗎？這是你的最終目標嗎？你在乎對方的感受嗎？
I’m like many teenagers. Because I have strong (and often contrary) opinions, I’ve had my share of arguments; I’ve won some and lost some.
像許多青少年一樣，我的觀點很強勁（也經常反對別人），所以在爭論時我會有自己的一席之地。因為這個也有得有失。
I used to not hesitate to argue. I would jump into disagreements like they were a cold pool on a summer day. I was blind to the fact that nothing good was coming from these arguments. I wasn’t changing their views. In fact, it normally made my opponents feel stronger about their own opinions, and it would cause annoyance and anger. So I began to ask myself: How can I avoid tension and successfully get my point across?
我以前熱衷于和別人爭論，反對別人觀點的感覺對我來說就像是在夏天跳入泳池那樣爽。我之前對這些爭論帶來的敝處一無所知。我壓根沒有改變對方的想法。實際上，這還會讓對方更加堅信他們自己的觀點，而且會惹惱對方。所以我開始反問自己：如何不通過爭論來表達清楚自己的觀點？
Five Solutions
5種解決方案
Here are four things I now think about when I find myself about to enter a disagreement that could end up in a heated argument.
現在每當我想通過激烈的爭論來表達異議時，就會想起下面4個問題。
1.Is it Important to Me?
1.對我重要嗎？
Before saying anything to the other person, ask yourself: Is it worth it? What will be the benefit if I win? What will be the downside if I lose?
說話前問問自己：這值得嗎？輸贏對我分別有哪些利害？
When I would enter an argument too quickly, I would end up not having a strong opinion or supportive facts or being unwilling to listen to my opponent, and it would start unnecessary conflict.
每次我急于與人爭論時，結果往往不是我能提出有分量的觀點或支撐觀點的事實，而是往往以不愿聽對方的觀點告終，從而就會引發不必要的沖突。
In one of my favorite books, How to Win Friends and Influence People, (I have to admit that my dad paid me to read it.) Dale Carnegie said: “The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.” This is true, but often ignored because it takes more character to be silent than to speak one’s mind.
戴爾·卡內基的《如何贏得友誼和影響別人》是我最愛的書之一（我得承認這是我爸爸為我買的）。卡內基在書中說道：“讓爭論得到最好結果的唯一辦法就是避免爭論。”這一事實卻常被忽略，因為只有性格更好的人才能做到沉默而不是表達自己的觀點。
2.Have a Discussion, Not an Argument
2.討論而不要爭論
Arguments are commonly controlled by emotion, while discussions are more about understanding. It’s important not to enter a disagreement when emotionally compromised. When controlled by your emotions, you are more likely to say hurtful things, yell, and ultimately prevent the discussion from going anywhere. If you feel you are on the verge of an outburst, take a breather, and only return when you feel you are ready to approach the situation rationally.
爭論往往受到情緒的支配，而討論卻更多是以理解為基礎。在情緒失控時千萬不要發表否定意見，因為當你被情緒擺布時，你更可能出口傷人，大喊大叫，最終導致討論的中斷。如果你感覺自己將要爆發，深呼吸，然后當你感覺你可以理性處理的時候在發言。
