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I thought a lot about the mother of one disabled child I had seen,
我想起我見過的一個殘疾孩子的母親
a severely disabled child who died through caregiver neglect.
這個有嚴重殘疾的孩子，因為照料不周而去世
And when his ashes were interred, his mother said,
當他的骨灰被安葬的時候，他的母親說
"I pray here for forgiveness for having been twice robbed,
"我在這里祈禱寬恕，我失去了兩個
once of the child I wanted and once of the son I loved."
一個是我想要的孩子，一個是我所愛著的兒子”
And I figured it was possible then for anyone to love any child
我以為任何一個人，都可以去愛任何孩子
if they had the effective will to do so.
如果他們有能力就會這樣做
So my husband is the biological father of two children
我的丈夫是，兩個孩子的親生父親
with some lesbian friends in Minneapolis.
這兩個孩子的母親是，他在明尼阿波利斯市的女同性戀朋友
I had a close friend from college who'd gone through a divorce and wanted to have children.
我大學時期有一個親密的朋友，她離了婚卻也想要孩子
And so she and I have a daughter,
所以我和她生了一個女兒
and mother and daughter live in Texas.
母親和女兒居住在德克薩斯州
And my husband and I have a son who lives with us all the time
我丈夫和我有個兒子，和我們一起生活
of whom I am the biological father,
我是他的生父
and our surrogate for the pregnancy was Laura,
為我們代孕的女士是勞拉
the lesbian mother of Oliver and Lucy in Minneapolis.
她是明尼阿波利斯市奧利弗和露西的，女同性戀母親
So the shorthand is five parents of four children in three states.
五位父母，生了四個孩子，生活在三個不同的州
And there are people who think that the existence of my family
當然有些人會認為，這樣的家庭的存在
somehow undermines or weakens or damages their family.
在某種程度上破壞或削弱，甚至損害了他們的家庭
And there are people who think that families like mine
也有些人認為，像我們這樣的家庭
shouldn't be allowed to exist.
不應該被允許存在
And I don't accept subtractive models of love, only additive ones.
我不接受消減中的愛，只求遞增的愛
And I believe that in the same way that we need species diversity
同時我也相信，我們需要物種的多樣性
to ensure that the planet can go on,
來確保地球可以延續下去
so we need this diversity of affection and diversity of family
因此，我們需要，這種多樣化的感情和家庭
in order to strengthen the ecosphere of kindness.
來強化仁慈的生物圈
The day after our son was born,
在我們兒子出生后的第二天
the pediatrician came into the hospital room and said she was concerned.
兒科醫生走進病房說，她很擔心
He wasn't extending his legs appropriately.
他沒有適當地伸展他的雙腿
She said that might mean that he had brain damage.
她說這可能意味著他有腦損傷
In so far as he was extending them, he was doing so asymmetrically,
當他伸腿時，又很不對稱
which she thought could mean that there was a tumor of some kind in action.
她以為這可能意味著，有某種類型的腫瘤
And he had a very large head, which she thought might indicate hydrocephalus.
他的頭非常大，她認為這可能意味著他有腦積水
And as she told me all of these things,
當她告訴我這些事情的時候
I felt the very center of my being pouring out onto the floor.
我覺得我的身體要倒下去似的
And I thought, here I had been working for years
我想，我花很多年寫的書
on a book about how much meaning people had found
關于人們養育殘疾子女的經驗
in the experience of parenting children who are disabled,
給他們帶來了怎樣的意義
and I didn't want to join their number.
但我還是不想加入他們
Because what I was encountering was an idea of illness.
我想到的是疾病
And like all parents since the dawn of time,
就像所有的父母那樣，從孩子出生那刻起
I wanted to protect my child from illness.
我想要我的孩子健康
And I wanted also to protect myself from illness.
同時我也想自己遠離疾病
And yet, I knew from the work I had done
我的工作經驗讓我得知
that if he had any of the things we were about to start testing for,
如果經過哪些檢查，發現他有什么問題
that those would ultimately be his identity,
那將永久成為他的特性
and if they were his identity they would become my identity,
如果這是他的特性，也將會是我的特性
that that illness was going to take a very different shape as it unfolded.
這將不同于病癥最初呈現的那樣
We took him to the MRI machine, we took him to the CAT scanner,
我們帶他做核磁共振，帶他做計算機化X射線軸向分層造影
we took this day-old child and gave him over for an arterial blood draw.
我們帶著這個出生僅一天的孩子做動脈抽血
We felt helpless.
我們感到無助
And at the end of five hours,
五個小時后，
they said that his brain was completely clear
醫生們說他的大腦完全沒問題
and that he was by then extending his legs correctly.
也可以完全正常伸展他的雙腿
And when I asked the pediatrician what had been going on,
當我問兒科醫生這是怎么回事，
she said she thought in the morning he had probably had a cramp.
她說，她覺得早上他可能抽筋了
But I thought how my mother was right.
我認為我的母親是正確的
I thought, the love you have for your children
我以為你對自己孩子的愛
is unlike any other feeling in the world,
是不同于世界上任何其他感覺的
and until you have children, you don't know what it feels like.
直到你有孩子，你才知道那是什么樣的感覺
I think children had ensnared me
我想是孩子讓我
the moment I connected fatherhood with loss.
認為自己不是個稱職的父親
But I'm not sure I would have noticed that
但我不確定自己會注意到
if I hadn't been so in the thick of this research project of mine.
要不是我做了這么繁復的研究項目，
I'd encountered so much strange love,
我遇到了太多奇怪的愛，
and I fell very naturally into its bewitching patterns.
然后我很自然地陷入其迷人的模式
And I saw how splendor can illuminate even the most abject vulnerabilities.
我看到光彩如何照亮最不幸的脆弱之處
During these 10 years, I had witnessed and learned
在這10年期間，我曾目睹和了解到
the terrifying joy of unbearable responsibility,
那些難以承受的責任，
and I had come to see how it conquers everything else.
我也看到了它如何克服一切苦難
And while I had sometimes thought the parents I was interviewing were fools,
我曾經有時會想，我正在采訪的父母是傻瓜
enslaving themselves to a lifetime's journey with their thankless children
讓自己踏上給不知感恩的孩子們一生為奴的旅程
and trying to breed identity out of misery,
試圖從痛苦中獲得身份認同
I realized that day that my research had built me a plank
我意識到，從研究開始那天起，我已建造了一塊踏板
and that I was ready to join them on their ship.
隨時準備著與他們同舟共濟
Thank you.
謝謝
